Great Adventures of a Green Goddess

Sahara Sojourn

The Gherkin and I ventured out to see more of Morocco by booking a trip on a two night tour to see the Sahara Desert.

Day 1

We left Marrakech at 7am in a van with 8 tourists and 1 driver. Starting off with a drive over the hills I started to feel a bit carsick so I sat in the front. The driver had a whole bunch of aussie stuff given to him by previous tourists, so I tried to teach him to say aussie aussie aussie oi oi oi! Just doing my bit for international relations…

When we stopped for a break a shopkeeper got me to try on a berber scarf, he wrapped it around my head and I thought I looked like a ninja and said so. I then left the shop and he kept calling to try and get me back by going ninja ninja!

We went to see Kasbah Ait Ben Haddou where you had to cross a river on a donkey so I passed, I felt bad for those poor overworked donkeys. It was so windy the dust blew everywhere. My hair felt awful and it was even in my ears.

I went to the toilet and I had given the boy 1 dirham since there was toilet paper but the boy chased after me wanting more money. I refused to give him another dirham as there was no running water. But the driver of the van gave it to him. Oi!

Lunch was at some kind of movie studio but by the time we had eaten we really didn’t have time to look around. We also lost two of our group here as one girl wasn’t feeling good so she and her friend bailed on us.

We drove on past so many gorgeous buildings that looked just like giant sandcastles. At one photo stop my devil duckie who should really appreciate the free trip around the world that I am providing him with, made an escape attempt. He was assisted by the strong wind which helped to launch him over a cliff. Could my rubber duck be suicidal? Or was it just the evil force of the wind trying to separate us. Either way my duck was down the bottom of a steep slope and I was distraught.

Luckily the crisis was averted when our lovely driver actually climbed down to rescue my little travel mascot. Oh my hero!

We spent the night at a hotel called aubergeleviux chateau dudades in the Dades Gorge. I shared with an English woman I’ll call Amelia and the Gherkin shared with a Japanese guy.

I went for a walk up the hill with Amelia and I loved how there were very cute mini little castles built along the road. At dinner I was feeling a bit blah and it just seemed like too much effort to eat. Guess I wasn’t completely over my illness as I was feeling sick on and off.

 

Day 2

We set off early and drove to where we went for a walk in an oasis called Tingher Palmiere. Amelia made friends with a donkey and then a dog. I saw some women doing their washing in a river and it was like wow am I going to have to resort to that to get my clothes clean? (My search for a Laundromat in Marrakech having been a complete washout).

Our walk ended at a Berber home where we drank tea and got to see some rugs and how they are made. I thought it was cool that one of the fibres used is cactus.

We next went to see the Todra Gorge, star of a Mission Impossible movie I haven’t seen.

There was a dog lying there that would wag its tail when we approached, I called it friendly dog. The Gherkin said he was gonna take a photo of it just lying there and call it dead dog.

We had lunch in a lovely shaded tent, so nice to just lie back and relax in it. Plus there were a couple of tortoises there just crawling around for me to ooh over. I so want one as a pet!

After lunch we headed for the Sahara. During the last section the driver ended up racing us over to the sand speeding along dirt tracks and passing other vehicles. Eat our dust suckers!

I felt bad about riding a camel so I got the driver to ask the camel if it was happy about me being carried by it (apparently these camels only spoke berber) when he asked if it was ok the camel started to stand up so we took it as a yes. I was told that the camel’s name was Omar Sharif but later I was told his name was Bob Marley (they probably just make up a name when tourists ask). Omar/Bob was not a comfortable ride, it hurts! The saddle was sore and my inner thighs ached.

Amelia called her camel Grumpy as he complained a lot and the Gherkin called his Butt Sniffer as he was rather interested in Grumpy’s behind.

The hour long ride into the Sahara was wonderful. It was dusk so wasn’t too hot or sunny just very pleasant and the sand dunes were so peaceful, pristine and perfect.

Getting off my camel I managed to kick the one behind it in the head. I didn’t mean to, the camels lie down in a row and I didn’t realise that the one behind had its head so close when I was struggling to get my leg off my camel. The Gherkin wasn’t about to let me forget my moment of camel abuse either. But the camel didn’t actually seem to mind that much. Must be used to stupid tourists.

At the camp the others attempted to climb a huge sand dune I wandered around and talked to some Berbers, its funny how traditional they seem until I saw one with an mp3 player and spotted a white lacy gsting lying around in the sand…

There were sheep, goats and cats as well as chickens running around and I wasn’t surprised that dinner was chicken. I had vegetables that were delicious, caramelised onion and potato but sadly most of it was carrots. Good carrots but far too many of them. Perhaps served to help me see in the great darkness of the Sahara.

One of the Berber guys then drew me a picture of a camel train and then they got out their drums. We all played and sang into the night.

Amelia thought she saw a camel spider and freaked out a bit. I doubt it was one but it became a bit of a joke on the trip. Watch out for that camel spider!

Despite the arachnids me, Amelia and the Gherkin slept outside together under the desert sky. It was nice as we shared stories and secrets and looked for shooting stars.

 

Day 3

Woke up early and we couldn’t find the Japanese guy. Had the camel spiders gotten him? Nope turned out that in true Japanese tourist fashion he had climbed up a big sand dune to take many photos.

When we had him back we got on the camels again and set off back to civilisation. I was on Omar/Bob and he was the first camel in the train again. The guy leading the camels was singing Bob Marley and we sang along. Get up stand up, stand up for your rights!

The camel train of song took an hour to get back to the base where we had breakfast.

Back in the van we began the long drive back to Marrakech.

Where have all the internet psycho killers gone?

I survived meeting a man from the internet.

Yes after chatting to him online for about eight years we finally met as for the first time both of us happened to be in the same city at the same time.

We met one cold winter morning at The British Museum in London.

A good place to meet as it has security cameras. Not that he tried to kill me at all. He actually seemed quite normal. Even more ordinary than I expected.

It is funny how I had like an image of what I thought he would be like in real life in my head and then trying to match that with what he was like when I met him. Of course when I tried to put this into words, I was unable to eloquently express my thoughts and it just came out as “um you’re not as tall as I expected”.

He had told me that his best feature was his amazingly gorgeous eyes. So I was like show me your eyes. He did fluttering his eyelashes at me prettily but it wasn’t enough to sway my opinion and I simply stated that they weren’t as bright as I expected them to be.

We looked around the museum. I must admit I was more oh that’s nice when we saw the Rosetta Stone until he got all excited explaining about how it was used to translate the hieroglyphics and then I got how very cool it actually is.

He was tired so we sat down to rest and since I obviously didn’t want him to think I was too normal I pulled out my devil duckie and made him hold it while I took a photo. He was a nice guy and played along with my evil rubber duck whims.

When we got bored with the museum we wandered the streets of London until I resorted to Plan B and took him on the tube to the new Westfield mall. I figured it was warm and dry at least. The sad thing is that I realised later that I had him in a freaking mall, in a weakened jetlagged condition and I did not take advantage of it to overpower him and seize control of his credit card. I could have gotten me the new computer that I needed. Oh hello pretty ones! Be my dear little laptop, small, speedy and possibly pink.

We didn’t spend long in the mall as He decided that he was done pretty quick and wanted to go back to his hotel to rest. As he had said his eyeballs felt like they were going to explode and he couldn’t see straight, I kindly offered to see him safely back to his hotel (plus truthfully I was enjoying his company and didn’t want the get-together to end). But he said he was fine and so we said goodbye at the tube station where he proclaimed it to have been a slice. This confused me having never heard such an expression before, when I did not comprehend this he explained it was a slice of pie. I think that is a good thing.

So later we emailed about my quest for a new computer.

He emailed me with his opinion on netbooks vs. notebooks:

You should not buy a cheapo web only laptop, just get a basic Dell or whatever.

 

So I asked the important question:

Hey baby

Ok so let’s talk size

How many magnificent inches do you have

For the screen of your laptop?

Still trying to decide what I want....

 

Mine is quite large....17 inches. But you don't need that many inches to be happy.

It must be a pain to carry that around with you

 

A normal 5-6 inches does so, don't you think 17 inches is way too much? Though the trick just fine, and lets you get good and close, you'd probably prefer the visual aspect of a 10-13 inches.

I am at the dell site. They have 13 and 15 inches

How important is 2 inches?

 

If it's the only 2 inches you get, it matters a lot.......but as long as you've got the first 4-5 inches, the rest is either a bonus or just too much, you can really only use so much and after that it will strain you too much, despite all the hype.......hence the overwhelming satisfaction with the basic/normal size units vs. the special cases they show you in the media.....but you'll notice nobody is interested in the smaller ones, just not enough for most users.

Actually netbooks are the fastest growing market segment in computers

So it seems that the smaller ones are enough for most users

 

Yes, get a basic Dell with a 10-12 incher, that will satisfy you for sure. Don't need anything fancy, but make sure you get at least 100GB hard drive and at least 3-5GB RAM. But be careful not to get too much RAM with a 12 incher.

 

 

They are VERY limited in capability and speed and memory, but super mobile. Up to you, everyone has their own needs and preferences, but you know you are designed to adjust to whatever size you choose and after the first few seconds, you can probably not even tell how big it is anyways, so get whatever you like, the choice is yours and as long as you don't go too small, you'll be just fine! Remember, 1/2 of them are BELOW average, too.

Too bad I can't show you mine, maybe it would help you compare and choose the right size?

 

Why didn't you offer to take me back to your hotel and show me when you had the chance?

I didn't know you were so interested in seeing my inches

I offered to go back to your hotel with you!

You should have realised that it wasn't just because you were so jetlagged I thought you might collapse on the way. But also a ploy to get into your room to see what laptop you have

 

Ah, yes, I remember that now, but at the time my slow and tired brain did not read between the lines. Of course, had you been more clear, I bet I would have gladly let you explore the device as much as your curiosity wished to. I'm here to help!

13 inches should be fine with you. Geez, that's almost 3 times more inches than mine, I think!

I though you said you had 17 inches

Typical man always stretching the truth

 

Well, I'm not sure how many inches mine is cause it's a wide one, like HDTV shape.

 

Well, well, aren't you in a funky inches mood today, too, where did this come from? Oh, yeah, it was even before I came to LON, as you attempted to get the invite back to the hotel that's right....Oh, you must have been so disappointed! Sorry!

Are we rewriting history now?

I was merely concerned for your safety when you told me you couldn't see out of your pretty little weak eyes

 

Well as I have previously blogged, I ended up getting a blue Dell Inspiron 13 and as for seeing his inches. Well that’s a story for another post…

The Day the Mobile Died

It started off innocent enough as these things tend to do. A guy from the hostel was like I am head out that way so I can drop you off at the mall and you can shop and then catch a bus home. I had never been to this mall (it was of course the most far flung outpost of the shopping meccas).

So off we went and I wandered around the mall which wasn’t very exciting to be honest.

So then I went to catch a bus. And waited and waited and waited some more for the bloody bus.

With a lack of timetable information, it seems that the other people waiting had concluded that there must be a bus as other people were waiting for one. As much fun as this experiment in group think was I got bored with waiting after an hour and decided to walk to another mall.

The walk to the other mall is just straight along the road. But this is only if you walk the right way. I am sure you can see where I am heading with this.

Unfortunately my heading on this day was wrong and off I went into the great unknown.

I am calling this practise for when I wander in the great big confusing world out there. Who needs Europe when I can get lost in the city I live in!

Ok in my defence it looked ok when I started out but then I ended up walking along a road with nothing, not even a footpath, I was walking on a grassy verge thinking um, this doesn’t look quite right, shouldn’t I see what I saw on the way out???

But I was very unwilling to turn back and retrace my many (many!) steps, while thinking there should be like shops and things instead of grass and trees. So I then thought well I will walk a street over so I took the next turn and ended up in suburbia.

So it wasn’t the shops I was looking for but now instead of nothing there were houses to walk past.

So I kept walking past them until I came to an intersection and some shops which announced I was in yet another suburb. I do get around!

I stopped in for directions and it turned out I was actually pretty close to where I wanted to go. Good thing I asked thou as I with my brilliant sense of direction would have walked in the opposite direction at the intersection if I had just taken a guess.

I bought a drink here as well to fortify me for the rest of my walk and this is where I committed the cellularcide.  I drank half and decided to save the rest as obviously I can’t be trusted to get to my intended destination and might need a stock of supplies to keep me alive until a search party tracks me down. Probably somewhere in the suburbs babbling about how the mall should be just around the corner…

The drink had other ideas (perhaps knowing its perilous position and trying to make a break for it?) and proceeded to leak all down inside my bag.

My phone was at the bottom of my bag and did not like the peach iced tea bath. No doubt in protest at its attempted drowning the poor old phone quit working. It now is completely blank and smells a little peachy. I wonder if it is in cell hell or if its soul went to a better place.

I am not too upset about murdering my mobile as it was past its prime and on its last legs anyway.

I couldn’t make or receive calls on it as the battery was so useless that it would cut out. I spent the majority of the time recharging the damn thing.

So I only used it for sending sms and to set the alarm to wake me for work (not that I really care if I am late anymore, what they gonna do? Fire me? I wish!).

Anyway I finally after a couple of hours walking got to the store I wanted to visit most and invested in chocolate and underwear until I felt better.

When I got to the main mall it was and if you had been paying attention you would have guess this, closed.

I saw people outside at the bus stop waiting to catch buses home. A couple of them had been waiting with me at the other mall bus stop. They told me that the bus arrived as soon as I left on my odyssey. Oh hello fates, nice to know you are still alive and screwing with me!

I caught a bus home.

I am hoping that my mobile can be resurrected from the dead once it is has dried out some (mental note no baptism for the phone if it arises from the current lifeless state it resides in).

But I always planned to get a nice new phone when I get to the UK

anyway. I want a nice flippy one, well I know they are called clamshell but clammy just doesn’t sound right. Now I am thinking that one feature I should defiantly consider is GPS!

No shocks just new crocs

I am not ashamed to admit that I love crocs. It seems that people either love them or hate them and I am firmly on the side of those who are fond of the rubber clog-like (cloggy?) footwear. They are just so comfy and easy to slip on, more super and suitable for me than sandals. I wear mine constantly. Out and about everywhere, even in the shower at the hostel.

I wore my old crocs so much I wore them out and they have now got holes in them, I mean more than the usual number. They had developed a hole in each sole.

So I knew it was time to treat my feet to a new pair.

In what was clearly a divine sign to splurge on shoes I just happened to receive a visa giftcard for the exact amount of a pair of new beach style crocs plus shipping.

I didn’t mind paying the shipping fee as if I had bought them from a standard shoe shop I would have had to pay the bus fare to the mall anyway and last time I looked they didn’t have much of a selection and certainly not the ones I wanted anyway.

If I remember right my old crocs are a shade called sage, this time I got turquoise, such a pretty colour. Hopefully nobody will consider them too clown shoe bright.

Not that adding decorations to them help with such perceptions.

I found out that the big flower jibbitz that I have on my old shoes (I should transfer them to the new shoes and chuck the old pair) now come with a shiny centre and I yearn for the sparkly shoe jewels. But I try to control the desire by reminding myself that I am in fact not four years old.

Freedom. Liberty. Anal leakage…

So I found out that the igoatse   iWanted has actually been made and is for sale on the internet!

So sick and wrong that I want it right now!

I am thinking maybe in the pink…

I had a look but it seems that the shipping will cost far more than the actual product!

The only shipping option is for courier and it’s far too spendy! How rude is that? Why not let people pick the postage?

Maybe I could get it when I am in London. As it is sent from Italy and so should be much cheaper to send it the shorter distance.

It’s a bit of a blow because I was hoping to use up a visa giftcard I have on it.

But how I desire this. I wonder how many people would recognise what it is?

Imagine just how fun it will be to just stick my finger in and dial up a song.

Of course then I would have to get myself an iPod. And consider what song to play on it first. Maybe something by the butthole surfers? Dixie Chicks' "Wide Open Spaces? Sir Mix-A-Lot's Baby Got Back? Johnny cash ring of fire?

The Marriage Leap

Yesterday was a leap day (I only even realised it was a leap year the day before, how out of it am I?) traditionally on a Leap Day women can propose to men. I didn’t propose to anyone (where is that billionaire with a bad heart???) but it did make me realise that I don’t have anyone I particularly want to marry. But with the constant rejection I have experienced it makes me then I think that really all I want is a man to want to marry me so much that he asks me…

Someone to love me to such an extent that they want to make the ultimate commitment and have social recognition of our relationship.

I just finished reading the John Robbins book Healthy at 100 and while I could attempt the standard eat right and exercise stuff he also mentions how important relationships are (friendships count so I am not totally screwed in this area, just need to make the effort to maintain them). It seems that married people tend to live longer healthier lives. It would be nice to have someone special. A partner in life so it could be us against the world!

But being realistic I can see the down sides to marriage too.

One time I was vaguely watching a show on TV called something like Sex BC and it said that marriage was all about women being owned. It was designed so that men could control them and thus property and bloodlines. I don’t want to be owned. I want an equal partnership. Or even better I want to be the one doing the owning. I already have a whip I could use to keep them in line, yes them why stop at one? I always said I needed a couple, one to cook and one to clean. Remember that email that went around saying that every women needs a many men and the ability to keep them from finding out about the others?

Ok seriously I do wonder if I should want to partake in something that excludes some members of society? Would I be a good fruit fly if I supported something The Big Banana is yet to be legally able to obtain?

The John Robbins book even mentions that any health benefits are only if it is a happy marriage. If it’s a bad one then it will adversely affect health.

Oh its also not good for my blood pressure because any talk of marriage runs the risk of me getting worked up about the no marriage site again, oh no too late… 

They say western woman are shallow but they judge women on their looks,

They just want women that they have control over such as by stating that the wife must let him go out with his friends but she is not to be allowed to go out with hers.

They are a bunch of shallow chauvinistic control freaks. Aggghhh ok that is out of my system for again. Now I must think happy thoughts.

Being a girl I have thought about what kind of wedding I would like.

Remember how the 07/07/07 was a really popular date to get married? Well I have a date I like too, The Seventh of September I don’t know why, it just sounds pretty.

I think that I would elope. Running away to get married is just such a fun idea. With the bonus of no family dramas to worry about. Plus I don’t have that many people to invite so I wouldn’t have to worry about my side looking empty.

I envision a nice private ceremony on a beach or something.

And hey there is always my idea of the big banana and Eggy in grass skirts and coconut bras (I’m sure they will have to be full of alcohol too).

Since this is my girly fantasy we will of course live happily ever after and be so happy we make other people sick. And so just to rub it in we will have to renew our vows and I am seeing a quiet classy affair involving Las Vegas and an Elvis impersonator!

Finding my religion

I have always been comfortable with my atheism.

Even as a small child I knew it was right for me.

But I was reading the paper and learned of a new deity that I think I might just have to worship. The Flying Spaghetti Monster. 

I don’t know how I never managed to hear of this earlier but now I want to pledge my support for the Pastafarian religion.

May I be touched by his noodly appendage RAmen!

I really want to get the book The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

The list of I’d rather you didn’ts is good. Plus I already like pirates! How perfect for me is this!

I told Bella and she is looking forward to the beer volcano and stripper factory in heaven too.

The only worry is the meatballs. But I am sure that as an omnipotent being and creator of us all that the FSM supports veganism and his balls are really made of vegan ingredients.

I want to buy me some FSM gear.

I am also thinking of reading The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. 

Next I shall consider my devotion to the Invisible Pink Unicorn.

Mentioning my unmentionables

I went shopping for some new underwear. This was a much needed excursion as my underclothes are so old they are falling apart, the underwire keeps poking out of my bras which is very unfortunate and uncomfortable!

But in reality my foray was really quite a depressing mission. It’s sad because it so nice to buy new stuff especially fabulous intimate under things. But terribly frustrating trying to find cute undergarments that fit my shape. Big everywhere except my boobies. Yes I am one lucky girl.

And of course having to find undies to cover my big butt or as I like to call it Mt Everass. I am better of with big billowing bloomers aren’t I? But no that’s far too old and boring.

I ended up getting two cute sets that probably wont last that long as they are a bit lacy and will no doubt fall apart in the wash, but one is purple and one is green. Plus they fit so I went for it.

I got two really nice gorgeous comfy bras. The colours are called grapeade and boysnberry. They store was closing so I had to go back to try and find some knickers (not panties that’s a yucky word so banish it from your vocabulary). I found a set of 3 bikini briefs that had one that was close enough for the grapeade bra. The other had no hope of finding a matching shade.

I looked and thought I had found another bra to match one of the knickers in the set but then I noticed that the size on the hanger was not the actual size of the bra. Grrr at bad lingerie labelling.

So that’s all I got.

What’s that, a photo you say?

Oh what the hell.

Enjoy.

Ears to fashion

My new thing is to wear earrings.

I went on an eBay spendaholic spree and got a new collection of ear fashion accessories.

They are:

Toy story aliens, pirate and purple devil duckies.

Gingerbread men.

Sequined handcuffs, mirror perspex pink flamingos and gingham teddy bears.

My ears being used to me just leaving studs in them have reacted badly. But I will continue to toughen them up and swab them with alcohol.

And of course I will keep looking for more fab ear jewellery.

Love letter openers

Lately I have been thinking I would quite like to get a letter opener as I usually seem to make a mess of it when opening my mail.

This one here is cute but high maintenance. A big awww for the funny bunny.

Then try and Save Fred

Back to the letter openers.

I like one with the statue of liberty

And the Baumgarten's letter opener looks good too,

Not sure where I can get one here as I looked today and saw none.

I might have to train the dog. If the bunny can do it so can he!