Great Adventures of a Green Goddess

A Paris rendezvous

So Chucks nagging eventually got to me and I ordered the book he recommend (Rick Steve’s London). When I sent Chuck an email telling him about my adventures in London and how I had given in to his pestering and bought the book he sent me a very surprising email.

Good! If u order the France book, I'll pay u for it IF u are motivated to come to Paris next week, I will be there and I speak French and will visit about 2-3 days, I will be there anyway so u can crash at my hotel for free if u want. Prob have to take train.

I was shocked! It’s so amazing, impulsive and exciting, Paris! Just the sound of it is thrilling!

So yeah it didn’t take me long to decide to go, when else would a girl like me get the chance to meet a man in Paris? Who would have ever thought an incel like me would be doing this? So the international booty call was on!

It was only four days after receiving the email that I was on a Eurostar train en route for a root in Paris France.

I arrived in the early afternoon at the gare du nord (north train station) and from there I caught the metro. I didn’t think it was as easy at the London tube as you have to find out the name of the place at the end of the line and then follow the signs for that. I had to change trains too. And hey it was all in French a language I don’t speak. But I made it easily to my stop École Militaire.

I had printed out a map but didn’t come out of the metro station exactly where I expected to. But I easily found Rue Cler (a pretty little market stall lined street), and it was just a short stroll along it to the hotel.

Chuck was already there and sitting in the reception area as our room wasn’t yet ready. So we sat and chatted and he showed me his laptop (not that impressive).

Then we went up in the smallest elevator ever (so teeny tiny we had to squeeze in) to our room. The room was small but adorably cute as it was decorated in a charming country theme and I could see the Eiffel Tower out the window, it was just like in the movies!

Once inside the room Chuck told me the first rule of Paris, pee before you leave the hotel room. So I did and we set off on the quick little walk through quaint Parisian streets to the Eiffel Tower. It was cold and the visibility wasn’t good so we didn’t go up the tower, we just walked along the Champ de Mars and under the tower.

We then went back to the hotel. Oh yeah this would be the juicy scandalous stuff you have all been waiting for!

I was uncertain about how much I should share here but has the Big Banana pointed out this blog isn’t censored so why not just stick to being my usual oversharing self. So this was when I saw my first dick in ten years. I must admit I was rather nervous. But I sucked it up and sucked him off.

But I touched, I tasted, I liked.

He came, I swallowed, and I conquered.

I reconsidered my opinion of the laptop when Chuck and I were able to watch TV on it. Chuck has a DVR set up in one country and can watch TV shows anywhere he is in the world by accessing it through the internet. We watched Jon Stewart, The Colbert Report and American Idol.

Day 2 after breakfast (new knowledge of the day: tear bits off the baguette don’t just bite it) we caught the #69 bus (yes that is really its number!). I did wonder why a guy was pointed at me on the bus. But just went and sat at the back watching Paris go by. It wasn’t until the bus ride back that I found out that I was supposed to put my ticket into a machine on the bus. Oops.

We went to Notre Dame first. Chuck had downloaded an audio tour from the Rick Steve’s website onto his blackberry.  So we tried to follow it around the church. But it wasn’t easy to listen to it that way.

We were following the tour in the Rick Steve’s France book (notice a theme, we a Rick’s bitches now people). We went to the next island and Chuck had a very expensive berhillion ice cream. I swear he moaned more about how good it was than when I was licking him that morning!

We strolled around the Latin Quarter, saw St Michael’s Square and went past St Chapelle but didn’t go in as Chuck had been before and said you need a bright sunny day to really get your money’s worth of seeing the stained glass windows.

At the Louvre, which is freaking huge! I saw the Venus de Milo and the Mona Lisa. Plus lots of other art too. Amazing the fabulous things I have seen since I started travelling!

We then returned to the hotel where despite the fact that Chuck didn’t want to see my bits I blew him again. I know that it is not a coincidence that after seeing me without clothes, Chucky didn’t want to play.

Of course he was nice enough not to put it that way and just said that he had changed his mind about having sex with me because he wanted to be a nice guy. He thinks it would fuck me up in the head (like I’m not already) and would result in a dramarama of fiasco.

I don’t really disagree, as I have said that if I ever had sex again then I wanted it to be with someone special. So I feel like I am still sticking with that stupid little dream. Yes I can still be classed as an incel but hey why would I want to give up that oh so glamorous lifestyle?!

People have disagreed that I should go down on Chuck when he won’t return the favour, but it’s not like anyone is willing to do that with me and I like sucking him off. So it seems stupid to not do something I find to be fun just because of what others think.

I will admit that I do wonder if I just like doing it so much as it is like when you are starving any food will taste great and ten years is quite a fucking famine.

And I know that nothing will happen with Chuck, hell he is quite shallow and I am quite unattractive for a start. But it doesn’t matter as he is just a practise penis so that in the unlikely event of a proper performance being required I will be ready with the skills necessary.

Anyway back to recapping Day 2 and after dinner in a nice restaurant we went for a walk to see the Eiffel Tower at night. It is an awesome sight and I didn’t know that it sparkles on the hour. So it surprised me as I was walking away from it and turned back around to look at it again saw it flashing and was like hey that’s not how it looked a moment ago.

Day 3 we walked to the Champs Elysee. Strolled past the expensive shops and saw the Arc de Triomphe. We then caught the metro and briefly visited the Jardin de Tuileries. From there we walked past the Place Vendome with the Ritz hotel and the opera house to a place that shows the movie A Paris Story.

While I learnt much about the history of Paris, I was falling asleep during the movie which I blame on Chuck. He kept snoring the night before, I would nudge him when he did and in the morning he was like well you could have let me sleep so at least one of us got some rest. Oh he thinks he is so funny!

He can be annoying, I call him Chuck as in I have an ego bigger than Chuck Yeager because seriously he thinks he is always right and knows everything. He is tells me he is awesome and if he tells me about how awesome Atkins is one more time I’m going to chuck. Because yes Chuck thinks my veganism is silly but his idea of a good way of eating is Atkins! Now I know that he is allergic to some raw fruit so I can see how the idea that plants are out to get him could develop. But seriously he has such fucked up ideas about what constitutes a healthy dietary plan.

He was nice enough to order my food for me in French (I ate a lot of salads). But I am sure that he was saying to the waiter yeah she’s a total freak…

Anyway after the film we went back to the hotel to say au revoir. Chuck had a plane to catch but I had some time before my train so I went back to the Eiffel Tower and finally went up it.

I went to the top level first. Wow the lift seems to take ages to get there, up and up and up. I looked out over Paris and then went down to the lower level for a look from there. It was cool and very cold!

When I was finished I walked along the Champ de Mars towards École Militaire and retraced my metro journey back to the gare du nord to catch my eurostar train back to London.

As we said goodbye Chuck had said that I should hate him. But I don’t. Really if I think about it the only emotion I can muster is sadness. Sad because I have had a taste of it and don’t know when I will again. What I mean is that it was nice to have someone to see a new place with and even better to share a bed with a man. To have but a brief glimpse of some of what normal people get to experience.

Even thought it wasn’t all lovey dovey it was nice to spend time with him. It’s the nearest I’ll ever get to being with a man anyway. This is a pretty bloody depressing thought I know. But I will console myself with the thought of how many people get to do it in Paris? People dream of that and I have been so at least that’s something.

And that’s my blow by blow account (Ha! See what I did there?) of Paris. And yeah I know way too much info here but that’s the way I blog now people.

 

This place seems somewhat familiar

Wow so where am I? Oh yes its all coming back to me now. This is where I write stuff. All about me. My special babbling place.

So where was I?

Oh the places I have been, much to tell. So many posts I will do...

How many countries have I been to? Am I still a vegan? Or an incel? Have I experienced any more of the horrors of hostelling?

Yeah my dearies all these questions will be answered in good time.

But first I know you want to know what kept me away from writing here. From spreading my scandals and sharing my secrets. I know I missed this place, the clothesline for my dirty laundry, the corner for my random rants.

My absence was simply the result of just another sad sad story of a dead laptop.

One night at the hostel in cold dark London I was using my sweet old lappy. Not that it was that old, poor wee thing wasn't even 3 years old. I would have hoped it was only middle aged and not a frail geriatric!

Now that night I wasn't doing anything bad. There was no downloading of hardcore pornography or anything that would kill a laptop of a weaker constitution, nothing to cause it to commit suicide on moody moral grounds.

It was merely a quite innocent evening using my computer when it just suddenly cut off and went to a black screen of nothingness.

So I left it for the night. Gave it time to realise that it's not so bad. Everything would look better by the light of the day... however the next morning when I tried to restart, it went to the chose safe mode screen then on start up became frozen on the welcome to windows screen (Funny how that's a blue screen). I tried to start it again and this time it got to the desktop before cutting off again.

From that point on it would not start at all. The little light next to the start button will light up to show it is on but I can't even hear the actual computer starting up.

It seems that the motherboard has died in it. What an annoying motherfucker that is!

So after much pondering on whether I wanted to get another laptop or a netbook (they are such cute widdle things!) I finally listened to others who declared I needed more power and went the laptop way. My new baby is a dell insprion 13.

Yup I decided that that I could be satisfied by 13 inches of glossy widescreen LCD display.

The next hurdle was getting microsoft office with word so that I could write my blog. Yes I am a creature of habit and I like to always write my blog posts in word first.

I do have a copy of office but the disc is in a box at Lady's house.

The perfect plan was to get Lady to dig it out and give to to Giselle (who has gone back to NZ for a couple of weeks) to bring it back to me. But Lady didn't get my email in time so that didn't happen. Now she says that she will post the disc to me. Who knows how long that will take...

So today in a flash of not often seen brilliance I realised that word is not the only word processing programme out there (yes I am obviously a genius). So a quick google and I found a free one called OpenOffice to download.

It is a lot like word so should work OK for me until I get the disc. I will try not to let the little differences annoy the crap out of me. Trying hard...

So yes my lovely internets I am back to blog and bitch!

The Washingtonienne

This book was better than I expected,

A lovely, easy and oh so scandalous read. Although I found that the ending was a bit weak.

It was so very Sex and the City. Full of fun, fashion and fucking.

Jessica Cutler was defiantly screwed up but dammit she had an exciting life! Far more glamorous than mine.

Perhaps my problem is that I can’t drink.

Or that I spend my money on food not clothes while she did the opposite and therefore was super skinny.

Thus she had half a dozen men on the go and I don’t have a single man (well some of her’s weren’t single either…)

Well I did get sent one once recently.

Apparently a chick at the hostel (yeah still at the hostel, it is only a block from work…) went to have sex with one of the guys who lives here and they sent his friend to go talk to me. So he knocked on my door. Which was nice, delivered to my door (male order?) and all but for 2 things. 1) He was a smoker and I don’t do smokers (just a personal rule I refuse to break) and 2) it was 4am and I had to get up for work in two hours…

I think the inconvenient delivery time was probably due to the fact that I had woken up at 3am really thirsty and didn’t have any water so I went to the kitchen to get some and the chick saw me so probably thought that I was up anyway.

Anyway he was drunk and I don’t really want a stranger knawing off a limb in my bed the next morning in a bloody coyote ugly panic. So I sent him on his way and went back to bed like a good girl.

I saw the guy later in the sober light of day and he apologised and said that he was so drunk that they sent him to knock on another door and he did until he realised that it was his own door.

And that’s how it ends.

So there will be no tales of drug use, anal sex and sugar daddies on my blog, boring but much more comfortable for my tail!

Its blog, its blog

I loved this when I was a kid and wanted to try putting a video clip in my blog.

So sit back and let the childhood memories flood back.

Such a disappointment

So I saw that someone found my blog by searching for extreme sluts.

They came across my post on prostitution. 

A couple of others else found my fowl play post looking for threesome and sex.

Oh how I did laugh. Poor sick bastards no doubt looking for porn and instead found the blog of an incel!

I didn’t realise I sounded like such a dirty bitch!

Hmmm I wonder what perverts will find this post now looking for porn sluts. Heehee.

Maybe I should do more to increase my readership.

But I don’t think this is the way to do it.

I need to find people who will appreciate my freakiness. Who doesn’t love a vegincel with a blog? Um yeah ok.

Fuck it I will end with this:

Hairspray tattoo geisha purple monkey dipstick pigpen jetset sorcery.

Hello world!

This is my first ever blog.

Yes I decided to join the rest of the world and have my own little part of the great internet to bitch and moan and just write whatever the hell I like.

I have a terribly bad memory, well except for useless facts which tend to stick around with the bad songs in my head.

So I figure that recording stuff in a blog is a good way to preserve my memories.

So what does the name mean?

Well pretty much nothing.

I got the name Tropikiwi one day when I wanted to sign up for something and needed a username. The pressure of coming up with a good name of course caused me to draw a blank and then the desperation set in. So I put together Tropical and Kiwi and there it was. I think it sounds pretty and has nice connotations.

The great adventures bit I think might be a stretch as my life isn’t so exciting yet. I am hoping that a blog will also motivate me to do things worth blogging about!

I love the colour green and I am a bit of a greenie. Plus goddess is just fab!

So into the blogging world I jump….