Great Adventures of a Green Goddess

The beach from The Beach

I travelled to Koh Phi Phi with Norah my new friend from Krabi.  A good plan ma’am as we could split the cost of accommodation which tends to be pricy on this popular slice of paradise.

The islands are Phi Phi Don where the accommodations are and the smaller Phi Phi Leh where the tourists head on day trips.

 

We stayed in a cute little cabin that was out in the far end of the island past the ship shaped sunflower bar with its name written in wood.

Our spot was sunrise and our wooden hut had a one double bed and a net that was doing a very good Swiss cheese impression with more holes than a bad movie plot. Oh and there were lots of mosquitoes.

 

A whole extended family of bloodsuckers that saw me as their savoir from famine.

It seemed that I’d become a mobile feeding station for blood sucking insects. So Itchy!

For me it leads to those big questions on how bad a vegan I’d be if I slapped a mosquito that was biting me? Considering all it started it, I say no to bitey bugs!

Yes being itchy makes me a bit grumpy and possibly murderous.

I went outside to see a snake on a tree, looked down and my leg and 3 mosquitoes were feasting on my exposed flesh!

 

At night the beach is a loud party spot with fireshows and buckets of alcohol being drunk.

The noise carried to our thin walled camp so with that and the mozzies we didn’t feel like sticking around.

We changed to a different guesthouse that had two single beds, proper walls and stopped supporting the nutritional needs of every mozzie on the island.

 

The island has no cars and just paths to walk around. It seems like it would be better but it is not because it means that you share the path with bikes instead of being separate road and footpath. So every time you step out you are at risk of being run over by a clumsy cyclist.

Especially if you are distracted by something funny like this sign for droopy bananas.

 

In an unusual use for a bucket on this island I attempted to use one to make a sandcastle, my building skills were not good. I don’t think I got the right ratio of sand and water and when I tried to tip it out it just when flop. My poor collapsed castle.

Then it started to rain so I gave up. Maybe next time I will try a sand sculpture.

 

 

To see the smaller island we booked a half day trip on a long tail boat.

We went snorkelling which was fun as the water is crystal clear and the fish are tropically bright.

The main stop is to visit Maya Bay aka the beach from The Beach. That movie where Leonardo DiCaprio seeks a secret paradise.

Well word has got out on this place as it was packed with tourists.

The sand and surf was crowded and most sadly of all the water was full of plastic debris. The fact that it is still stunningly gorgeous just makes it all the sadder.

You can walk thru the interior of the island to the other side where the clear water is decorated by a cute blob of island.

 

There was a sign sadly surrounded by bags of rubbish, which pointed to the tsunami evacuation route. It is a poignant reminder that the Boxing Day 2004 tsunami had wiped out the islands.

Walking thru the main town (on Phi Phi Don) it is amazing to consider that it was devastated not so long ago and has been rebuilt.

The last stop was a beach where the local monkeys have become accustomed to tourists feeding them.

I watched as they jumped onto boats to amuse tourists who offered sweet treats. But kept well back myself as those beasts have fangs.

 

Norah and I went to dinner with a couple we met on the boat trip and I ended up in the ladies of a bar letting the wife take photos of my piercings.

Yes the ones below my neck. But I figured heck as they don’t have my face it doesn’t matter when they end up online.

 

The end result of this day was fabulous memories and bright red shoulders as I’d gotten sunburnt.

So I left the island with sunburn and a new sarong.

I bought the sarong as I loved the colours of it. I probably paid more because I didn’t see the one I had to have until I was on the island but I don’t care as I feel happy with my purchase every time I look at how pretty it is.

My sarong is so right.

Plan C

The answer to the big question of where should I go on my next trip has been found.

First I’d considered a South American adventure as I haven’t been to that continent at all (that and Antarctica are my last 2). But Plan A was scrapped when I realised that with the period needed to save up for the trip. By the time I could get there it would very annoyingly coincided with a couple of big sporting events (a world cup and an Olympics). This tends to make places busy and expensive and really not a good time to go.

 

Then I thought about Africa or India as a possible Plan B as I have only been to the north of the great dark African continent (Morocco and Egypt) and I’d never experienced the beauty and chaos of India at all.

 

But then Plan C came a calling and it goes by the name of Canada.

Why Canada? Because I can!

Blame Canada and their changed visa rules for my new plan as I was checking out visa situations for my travels online noticed that there is a working holiday in Canada program that is called international experience Canada.

As soon as I read about it I knew my decision was made and my travel goal was clear.

Forgive me for I shall be Canadian (well at least for a year).

I am hoping I will fit in easily as I can already pass the Canadian test by understanding the sentence:

Can you pass a serviette, I dropped some poutine on the chesterfield when my tuque slipped over my eyes*

 

Thus I got to thinking about how I would do it.

Seems the best place to start is Vancouver. Not only it is supposed to be a wonderful city but that’s where flights from Aus/NZ land.

I could get a job at a ski resort (Whistler I’m looking at you), mount a Mountie (that uniform is hot and police carry their own handcuffs), shop at their local stores (mountain equipment co op), get a job at their chain of coffee shops (Tim Horton’s) and freeze my butt off in their icy winter (wait it gets to minus what???).

 

 

Later I discovered that I could also get a similar visa for the Czech Republic.

I love the idea of getting a place as a base in Prague and spending a year there while travelling around Central and Eastern Europe. There is a whole bunch of Western Europe I haven’t seen yet either.

 

While it would be brilliant to be able to do both, I don’t think I can due time and financial constraints.

If I have to pick one which seems to be the case then I will still go for Canada.

Thinking about it what I really want to see in the Czech Republic is Prague and Cesky Kromlov and I could probably do that in a week.

Canada is much bigger (hugely!) so it seems that it really needs more time to see it. Plus as it is a working holiday the lack of a language problem (well except maybe French in Quebec) is a significant incentive.

 

So Canada it is.

I am now thinking about the details such as what else shall I see while I’m ‘in the neighbourhood’.

My Canadian friend DannyBoy had once told me that there are flights from Canada to Greenland and if I am gonna go there I need to go to Iceland too. If only to see the total WTF of the situation.

 

I also considered the camp counsellor USA thing as it has an age limit. I don’t hear my biological clock ticking. I hear my travel clock and it says ‘oh I have to do that before I’m too old. Should I do it now? Otherwise it’s never’.

But then I asked my friend who did it what she thought and she said it is really stressful and not worth the money.

So I think I would probably be better off just saving up and maybe doing things like a road trip across the USA (route 66 baby). Or maybe finally taking that Caribbean cruise I have been dreaming of for most of my life.

 

So anyway the grand plan is to get a job in Australia, save up the cash, figure out answers to big questions like what will I pack? Can I go carry on only in cold climates? (Being a working holiday makes this harder).

Then I shall dress warmly and make my way to the great white land in the north of America.

Oh the excitement. Maple leafs ahoy!

 

 

 

*the translation is can you pass me a tissue/napkin as I dropped some of a dish consisting of fries covered in gravy and cheese curds on the sofa/couch when my warm hat slipped over my eyes.

You can’t be crabby in Krabi

Krabi is a great little Thai town but I admit that getting there could make you crabby.

 

I took the night boat from Koh Tao to Surat Thani.

Inside the boat, bags are left on the lower level and the top level is just two rows of mattress. While it’s nice that you get to lie down alas there is not much space for each person.

I remember that it was very hot with people packed in and the fans apparently turned off along with the lights. In the middle of the night I vaguely recall pulling off my socks which did help in the heat.

I’d taken an anti seasickness pill and the rough ride of the boat rocked me to sleep.

 

Arriving in port very early I found the guy from my travel agency. A group of us were put in a vehicle that was part van, part pickup truck and part Satan’s hell bound carousel.

My pack along with everyone else’s was placed on the top of the roof, but it was only mine that fell off while we were driving along. My new pack was scraped on the road. The fabric was grazed and now had a small hole, even the padlock was now dented and scratched.

I was so not impressed.

 

We were taken to a cafe where we waited for a couple of hours.  Finally a bus took us the rest of the way to Krabi. During the trip I had to change seats as the air-conditioning was dripping cold water on me.

When we arrived in Krabi it was at an out of the way bus stop/travel agency/restaurant (most people were waiting for a connection to Koh Phi Phi).

I found out they wanted to charge me 150baht for a 5min taxi ride to the main city area.

I was all screw that, if it takes 5mins then I can walk it.

So I did.

 

It wasn’t a bad walk and I found a great hostel named Pak Up that had rooms with themes. I was in the art room and my bed was named Freud. I thought of Sigmund and his “tell me about your mother and how you want to have sex with her”, but turns out his grandson Lucian is the artist.

 The newly built hostel impressed me with their lockable drawers under the lower bunk beds that were large enough to hold my pack.

 

Close to the hostel and easy to find was a vegetarian place (Hong Ming) with cheap and tasty food. I filled my belly and then with my food and shelter needs met I was ready to go and see something.

The something I chose was catching a boat over to Rai Leh/Railay.

 

The boat goes when it is full and the guys running it tried to get me to pay more to go with less people. I was all nah I’m good, pulled out my iPod and sat reading kindle books until I got a good price.

The boat ride took about half an hour as it went along a river and across the sea.

I wasn’t expecting to have to wade onto the beach.

But we arrived at the East Rai Leh Beach which is filled with mangroves and not piers.

Oh well, took off my sneakers, zippered off pant legs and I was good to go.

 

Getting my bearings I followed a path to Phra Nang Beach.

The beach is probably the prettiest I have ever seen. A gorgeous white sand beach with shining sea dotted with little islands. Surrounded it are magnificent limestone cliffs that people were attempting to climb (Railay is a rock climbing hot spot).

 

I walked around and between the resorts and found the also very attractive West Rai Leh Beach which completed my tour of all the beaches in the main area of the peninsula.

When I wanted to return to Krabi the tide was out on East Rai Leh Beach and it was a long walk on a slippery path to the boat. Yeah I of course nearly ended up falling ass over tit as my bare feet slid out from under me, but managed to save myself just in time.

 

Back in Krabi I made friends with a group from the hostel who decided to make their own bucket.

Buckets are actually small plastic buckets like you would expect to see a small child playing with on the beach but here in Thailand they are filled with soda and enough alcohol to fuck you up majorly.

Helpfully the 7 eleven was fully stocked with everything needed for this project: bucket, straws, coke and some kind of cheap Thai firewater that could possibly double as paint stripper.

 

I pleaded off imbibing this lethal concoction by pointing out my genetic deficiency when it comes to processing alcohol.

One girl let’s call her Norah, who was staying in the same arty dorm room as me had asked me to watch out for her. She went to bed and I thought it was safe to take a shower while she was tucked up in the room alone.

I was pretty pissed off with myself when I came back to find a guy from the group in her bed.

Damn him and his drunken snuggling showing strong confirmation of my inattentiveness.

I kicked him out and kicked myself for failing in my duties.

But Norah was just thankful that I’d saved her.

Guess she couldn’t be crabby in Krabi either.

Learning to go down on Koh Tao

Backpackers recommend going to Koh Phangan in Thailand. But I didn’t think it would be my scene since it is famous for its full moon parties where people get drunk and then get 3^rd degree burns from flaming skipping ropes.

Decided to skip it but I ended up changing ferries there on my way to my new gulf of Siam island paradise named Koh Tao.

 

This island is famous for being one of the cheapest places in the world to scuba dive.

I signed up for an open water course that cost 9000 baht and included four nights accommodation.

When they asked me what type of accommodation I wanted I said the best I could get that was included in the price.

I ended up with in twin room with private bath all to myself.

 

I signed up for an SSI course as with PADI (aka Put Another Dollar In) you have to buy the book and I didn’t want to spend extra money and then have a book to carry around on the rest of my trip.

So the course began with a video and questions in the books we borrowed.

My course had 6 students and 2 instructors (one had just qualified).

 

I had originally wanted to learn to dive when I was living in north Queensland Australia with the Great Barrier Reef on my doorstep. But I was put off when I puked.

But the reef is much closer on Koh Tao and they gave me little yellow anti seasickness pills that were just magic.

 

My first dive was in a swimming pool. I realised that I actually knew a lot of the stuff they were teaching us such as finding your regulator and clearing your mask from my trial dive.

Two of the guys were having some issues when we went in the deeper pool. While the instructors were helping them we just stayed in the watery depths.

It was a bit boring sitting at the bottom of a deep pool with no fish to look at.

 

On our first open water sea dive we took a taxi (pickup truck with seats in the back) to the pier and then had to jump on the boat. There was a big gap between the pier and the railing of the boat (which was level due to the tide) so it was rather scary. Lucky there were lots of people who would hold your hands as you jumped over.

 

We cruised around to the other side of the island but with my meds I just enjoyed the rollercoaster ride.

We did a dive following a line down and then swimming around the coral. It is just so awesome to be amongst all the tropical fish.

 

We came up took off equipment and had to swim around the boat twice and then tread water for 10mins. We still had wetsuits on so it was pretty easy.

During the second dive my mask fogged up. But we did lots of skills during these dives and when I took my mask off and put it back on it helped clear it.

 

I was worried when I woke up with a sore left ear the next day.

I discovered it when I was lying on my pillow as it only hurt when I touched it (so don’t touch it right). But I was concerned about diving with it.

My instructors said that it was ok just my insides getting a workout. Then they gave me a decongestant to take along with my anti seasickness pill.

 

This time we took a long tail boat out to our boat.

The dives went fine until the end of one when we were doing a safely stop and I popped up like a cork.

So I just inflated my BC and waited for everyone else on the surface.

Then climbing back on the boat I fell on my knee.

My instructor came up and asked me if I was ok. I thought she meant about my resurfacing issue but it turned out she meant about the fall which I had forgotten about as I was fine.

 

I passed the course and the good thing about SSI is that you get your card pretty damn quick and then can flash it around town going look I’m licensed to dive!

Not that there is much town. The area I was in was a long strip of beach which included a horizontal palm tree. There was a path that ran along it that was full of tourist shops, diving schools and restaurants.

I met a couple who were also vegan and they recommended Narakaan. I didn’t see what was so impressive until I asked about vegan food and was given the separate vegetarian menu, it’s an awesome place.

 

Koh Tao may mean turtle island but it was ruled by dogs.

Just after I arrived, one bleed all over the diving school restaurant (it had just given birth but I didn’t see any puppies).

I saw another sleeping in front of the 7 eleven door. People were so used to it that they would just step over.

 

Hanging out with a course mate and a couple of her friends one night I showed them Devil Duckie. Turned out one of the friends had a panda mask that he would get people to put on and then take photos of.

He was a chemist so helpfully told me how I could blow up aircraft without liquids (we had been discussing the ridiculousness of the flight liquid bans, he wasn’t just psycho).

 

During my dives I saw a turtle, sea snake and a juvenile harlequin sweetlips. Plus the more common fish such as butterfly, angel, banner and barracuda.

But I did not find Nemo.

I must continue my search for him.

The best country for getting European Union citizenship

So the idea of proposing to a partner for a passport is not a new one.

Plus I know the EU has issues at the moment. But hopefully they will figure out how to fix them. The reason the European Union is the place to aim for is that you can live and work in any of the countries in the EU once you are part of the club.

Plus they tend to be countries where with highly regarded passports, there is a Henley ranking  that shows how many countries you can get into without a visa for each passport and the top of the list is dominated by EU countries.

 

The reason you’d want to do it via getting hitched is that it can drastically lower the time it takes to obtain citizenship and that shiny new passport.

This all leads to the question: Which is the fastest country for obtaining citizenship by marriage? The essential query of what’s the quickest way to get you into the EU after a quickie wedding.

 

Ok so it’s wrong to get married just for residency or so will claim the immigration agents. But let’s face it a marriage of convenience is probably a more sane idea than a marriage for love alone.

After all marriages seldom last (half of all marriages fail) so you might as well get something out of it.

 

So consider spousal sponsored citizenship as just a perk of buying into the old institution of marriage.

Just think, if it takes seven years to get citizenship in say Lithuania then you should be getting it just as the seven year itch arrives.

By the time you are sick of each other you can have an EU passport and run off anywhere else in the European Union.

Now since you don’t know how long the relationship will last so it makes sense to go for one where you get residency the in the shortest amount of time.

 

Also if you are from a country that already had a good passport you’ll want a country that recognises dual citizenship. This is because there are lots of benefits to having more than one passport. You will have a backup when one is off getting visas. If your current country’s passport lasts only five years you can try for a second that lasts ten.

The benefit of two (or more!) passports is that as each country has different rules you can choose to use the one that provides cheaper visas perhaps like Syria, or longer visa in somewhere like Singapore.

 

But choose wisely.

Sure Turkey wants to be part of the EU and In Turkey I am Beautiful (aka ugly chicks have a better chance of finding a willing groom). But I’ve met a guy who was turned away at the border of Lebanon as he had a Turkish passport. So not so good for travelling.

 

So anyway I decided to do my bit to help those more fortunate than me in the practical prospective partner game. Yes I got my excel going.

Now remember kids this is from the net (it can be hard to get an easy straightforward answer online) and stuff changes all the time. I tried to simplify the info for a sweet little succinct spreadsheet.

 

 

So what country is the best from the table?

Well that depends on what you want. For example is cost more important to you than Henley rank or dual citizenship recognition?

 

For me personally I could go back to the UK as I loved London (it’s like the centre of everything and has good public transport). But what if it is a case of it not being as good when you return? Maybe I only remember the good stuff and if I returned would be able to get a good job and find a nice flat? Or would it just be cold, crappy and miserable. 

 

But I’d love to live somewhere new and I have my eye on Italy. I have been to Italy and loved it. I could so totally spend some time hanging out there eating marinara pizza and soy vegan gelato.

Spain would also be great as I do need to learn Spanish. Plus these Mediterranean countries must be better for vegans.

I have never been to Ireland but hey potatoes are vegan! Plus I speak the language diddly dee potatoes.

 

Not that I am actually going to do this. No naughty nuptials leading to naturalization for me as I can’t even find someone willing to date me let alone marry me.

Besides I think I would want both love and citizenship (oh and money for the perfect marital trifecta).

I just think that if you were out there looking for love you could focus your attention on an area that is the easiest to get a new nationality as well.

Just don’t go saying that I told you to do it if you get caught!

Then he just jizzed in his pants

I’d first head the song jizz in my pants on a tour bus in Scotland. I had no idea that it would later be so relevant on a beautiful beach in Thailand.

 

I had been loving my stay on Lamai Beach Koh Samui.

On the boat to the island a woman was walking around signing people up to stay in her beach hut accommodation that was called New Hut so I took her up on it as I got a free ride and the place sounded ok.

I got my own sweet little beach hut that was one row back from beachfront but I could still see the sea.

 

 

I’d walked down past the main shopping area to see the grandma and grandpa rocks.

These are two rocks are located in the same area and are shaped like genitals. The grandpa stone dick is called Hin Ta and Hin Yai is the name of granny’s rock pussy.

It is pretty funny how two such explicit formations are located so close to each other.

After giggling at them like a schoolgirl I then walked back to my accommodation along the beach (it was about 2km).

 

For most of my time there I just hung out at New Hut.

I had discovered that just up the beach there was a spa (Spa Samui) that had a restaurant (named radiance) with vegan food on their menu. The best was the massaman curry with tofu. I’d never tried a massaman curry before but it was so tasty and only cost US$2.50!

 

Also a stall outside the bridged entrance to New Hut sold durian. The delicious exotic smelly fruit I have developed quite a taste for.

Another big plus about where I was staying is that I could get (free) wifi in my private hut.

It was my idea of paradise.

Ok the bathroom situation could have been better since it was shared and the loos didn’t flush (you had to pour scoops of water down them) and the showers were cold.

But for US$10 a night I wasn’t complaining.

 

Jizzy Jeff was also staying there. He’s an Englishman who was stopping off on his way to Australia where he had a plan to bike around it. Yes on a bicycle!

I was all do you realise how big Australia is???

Me and him would hang out. We would go swimming together in the warm sea and eat meals at the radiance restaurant.

 

Jizzy Jeff rented a scooter and took me for a ride to the Chaweng Beach area.

But then it got dark, started to rain and we were getting low on fuel.

I was rather worried but I escaped unharmed. A lot of people get injured. Both a burn from the exhaust and gravel burn from falling off is known as a Thailand tattoo.

 

After we safely got back to our little patch of paradise it was pouring with rain. So I went for a swim in the dark waters of the gulf of Siam and it was amazing.  The rain was cold but the sea was warm. It was just a wonderful experience.

 

Jizzy Jeff was going to the store one night and asked if I wanted anything. I said no but then told him he should surprise me.

He said that he had got me a Pegasus (just what I had always wanted) but really he bought me a gift of chocolate and a mechanical pencil. I gave him back the chocolate since it wasn’t vegan. But I kept the pencil saying I’d treasure this trinket it as a souvenir.

 

So you know what this all lead up to.

We ended up in my hut, both topless and it was nice...

And then he jizzed in his pants.

Seriously I just wanted to play the song for him.

And can I tell myself that ‘Yes I am just that hot?’

Guess I should just be glad he had a good time since due to shark week being upon me, I wasn’t taking my pants off.

Leaving Bangkok like a bat out of hell

I knew it was time to get the hell out of Bangkok as I was feeling rather unmotivated to do anything. The fact that the traffic is insane didn’t help to desist my desire to vegetate.

Also not helping was the fact that I had been ill. My theory is that it takes a few days for the foreign germs to build up in your system and then bang you a one sick puppy.

 

It was pretty pathetic, one pancake lasted me 3 meals. I got a vegan strawberry pancake from Ethos (I had previously had a vegan banana pancake which made me feel like a real backpacker since the path I was treading is known as the banana pancake trail) and it was good. But I could only eat half for breakfast. I ate a quarter that night for dinner and then I thought I put it in the fridge but it turned out to be the freezer so I ate the remaining frozen quarter for breakfast the next day.

So with the illness, lack of motivation and all the scamminess I just had to get the hell out of Bangkok.

 

I am not saying that all of Bangkok was bad.

There was some good stuff and I am not just talking about the time that I randomly came across the Porn Beauty Salon. I can only imagine what makeovers are performed here.

 

I had a pair of Pants that we slightly too long. Just long enough that I kept stepping on the ends of the legs and it bugged me. But lucky for me on the street there was a guy with a sewing machine. I was wearing the pants at the time so I got him to measure the right length on me. Then I zipped off the legs and handed them to him.

I wandered around the area while he removed the zips, shortened the legs and then sewed the zips back on.

I returned, rezipped and had perfect pants for under US$3.

 

I crossed the muddy old (Chao Phraya) river on a boat to visit Wat Arun. I confess I took one look at how steep the steps are and decided against attempting to climb it.

I saw the reclining Buddha at Wat Pho and got a massage. It is the home of a traditional Thai massage school. Thai massage can hurt a bit a times but overall it’s good. I should point out that this wasn’t the type of Thai massage that ends in a happy ending!

 

So anyway it sick of feeling sick and tired of being unmotivated to see the city I knew it was time to move on.

The way to go was definitely to head south and find me a tropical island paradise.

The idea was going to one of the islands in search of the perfect white sand beach with clear water that is the perfect shade of blue. I also wanted perfect palm trees to swing in a hammock from.

So with this idyllic image in my head I booked a bus out of Bangkok.

 

Like Rimmer in Better than Life  my subconscious mind that obviously hates me and apparently has some influence over my body took over. As just before I got on the bus I got the visit from aunt flo.

Yep the perfect time for heavy bleeding is right before a journey of unknown length where the bathroom options at the stops leave much to be desired (like toilet paper, running water and something better than a hole in the ground, oh and you get to pay for all this luxury too).

 

The backpacker buses that leave from Khao San Road are notorious for theft.

I guess they can be so cheap because they make up the rest of their profits by simply stealing them.

I was glad that I had a carry on sized pack and was able to take it up into the bus with me as people hide in the luggage compartment and then go thru the packs (locking them doesn’t help) as the bus drives thru the night and the passengers sleep obliviously above.

 

I actually found the bus to be quite comfortable. The seats had footrests and reclined far more than any airline seat I’d ever been in (but then I do always fly economy). They played a couple of movies and then the lights were dimmed.

The aircon is very cold but they provide blankets. A pillow would have been good but I had a jersey I bundle up under my head so I slept really well.

 

In the morning we disembarked our mighty coach (I got off with everything I go on with) and had to sit on the steps of a travel agency and wait for another bus. This time it was an old clunker and it took us to the port.

Then we waited at the ferry terminal until finally we boarded the Songserm ferry for the journey to the island of Koh Samui in the gulf of Siam.

By the time we arrived I was well past ready to relax in paradise.

Scammed in Thailand

As a newbie in Bangkok it wasn’t long before the dregs of society there made me their mark.

The first attempt was when I went to the Grand Palace. I don’t mean the fact that they charged the equivalent of US$13 to get in. Although I am not sure it was worth that relatively high price to see it. I mean it was nice but maybe not 400 baht nice.

I was most amused by the fact that the emerald Buddha has different outfits for each season.

Yes he gets dressed up like a Barbie doll. He was in his cute little rainy season outfit when I saw him. The other gold garments are for summer and winter.

 

Anyway so I was walking towards the Grand Palace and someone hung some bags of corn over my arm as I walked past. I tried to give it back and they would just do the Thai bow with hands together thing. Later I thought that I should have just said “catch!” and thrown the bags back at them.

 

They then showed me how I should feed the birds the corn while telling me it was lucky (Yeah I don’t think being scammed is lucky either).

So I didn’t want the corn and couldn’t give it back so I just poured it out.

They wanted to take a photo of me doing it with my camera but I was savvy enough to know that wasn’t a good idea.

I then went to keep moving and they of course wanted money.

“No I didn’t want it” I responded and kept walking.

I have heard that they will hit people who refuse to pay, but I got away fine.

 

The second time I was scammed I was not so lucky.

One night in my guesthouse me, an Austrian girl and a guy from Belgium were bored and somehow we got the idea that we should go and see a ping pong show. It’s on the things ya gotta see at least once in Thailand list.

So we went to Patong for the ping pong pussy performance.

 

A tout told us to come and see the show and it would cost us 100 baht each. Yeah we were stupid enough to believe him.

The bar was located upstairs (later I realised that they are purposely located to make escape harder).

The show was pretty sad really but the lady who had done her kegals actually aimed at us and hit us with the ping pong balls.

 

Then we found out this scummy scammy place wanted to charge us more money.

We argued since that wasn’t what the tout told us and they being true scammers said that the longer we stayed arguing they more they were going to charge us.

I feel very angry just remembering this.

I was going to only give them the money for my drink. Fuck them and their scams.

But I didn’t have correct change and I was just trying to figure out how to deal with this when the Austrian gave them the money and pulled me out of there.

She then said I had to pay her back.

This pissed me off even more. Sure she may have saved me from my stubborn ways and considering what scum these people are possible saved my life.

But the way she did it without asking me and then demanded that I give her the money made me feel like she was as almost as scammy as them.

I did give her the money but I wasn’t happy about it.

 

So the scammers only got 1000 baht out of me which in the grand scheme of things is not that much (around US$30). But it will get you quite far in Thailand. Sure I was stupid but it is horrible how they just prey on people.

I want to go back and burn the place down. Or at least spray paint ‘This is a $$Scam’ all over the steps to warn others.

Sometimes I think I really need to travel with a stun gun or something to take care of situations like these.

Hong Kong to Bangkok and the world’s my oyster

I’d been to Hong Kong airport a few times by now. But this was the first time I‘d used the other terminal.

Terminal 2 it turns out is even better than terminal 1. And I now have a new love for Hong Kong airport.

First I enjoyed that it had a display regarding the future of the airport. I followed the runway decorated floor (with a cut out aircraft doing a low pass overhead) around and did a survey. As a reward I was given a free magnet.

 

Then little ole Plane Jane me discovered the aviation discovery area. It was awesome.

The area was quite dark so and my photos didn’t come out too well but you can get the idea of it.

There were displays set into the floor and covered in glass so they could be walked on.

There is a sky deck where you climb up to watch the aircraft. But you have to pay for that. There is also a fee for the flight simulator. But I heard that it is for kids only anyway.

The rest is free and includes videos and models that explain how aircraft operate. There is even a first class seat that can be tried out.

 

I was flying from Hong Kong to Bangkok with Royal Jordanian Airlines.

It was my first flight on an Airbus A330. I would like to try all the different airliners types (I’m fan of turbo fans). So far I haven’t been doing that well as I have only been on the most commonly used aircraft, The Boeings 737 747 777 and the Airbuses A320 and A380.

 

At check in they weighed my pack and it was 13kg. I’m sorry I can’t defend that really. But I will say that it did have my computer in it at the time.

They still let me carry it on. But attached a bright tag that said that it was heavy and could be denied by the flight attendants on board. I just don’t know what is to stop me from taking it off between check in and the gate?

 

On the way to the gate I was strangely fascinated by the moving walkway system. You could look down thru the glass panels that separated the two opposite directional travelators and see another set of these horizontal escalators below and the people using them.

 

On the plane I didn’t have any problems with the crew and just shoved my heavy bag up into the overhead locker myself.

 

The meal was lame and I have doubts about it being vegan. Part of it looked like it could have been custard or hamster pus. But I was too tired to eat anyway.

I was so tired so didn’t think I could follow a complex movie plot. So I put on a kid’s movie. The Rapunzel tale known as Tangled.

I still managed to wake up near the end with no idea what was happening!

 

My flight arrived at a late hour.

It was actually past midnight when I went thru immigration and I wondered if I would get stamped in on that day and thus have an extra day in Thailand. But no I was stamped as arriving the day before so I guess they go by when my flight actually touched down.

 

Due to the late hour I had no option but to get a taxi to the city.

Then I ended up wandering around at 1am looking for a place to stay. Not good start.

I was tired and it was dark.

Then it started to rain.

 

Really I should have booked a place to stay before I arrived as being lost alone in a strange city without much of a plan is not my best move.  Admittedly one I have done a time or two before. Oh well yet again I survived my stupidity and I did find a place to stay eventually.

 

I was in the Backpacker Central area aka Khao San Road. Many stalls sell stuff to the tourists and the many t-shirts being sold gave me an idea.

They should totally have one that says ‘Khao San Road, I see white people’.

 

High Hong Kong

So once again I found myself back in Hong Kong a place where you can get a cat with your magazines (Insert your own Chinese food joke here).

I was back just for one night so I decided to spend it in the backpacking centre known as TST because no backpacker can pronounce Tsim Sha Tsui.

 

I went to an infamous building that was big, old, full of backpackers and probably a fire risk.

It’s called Chung King Mansions and has lots of cheap guesthouses.

Found a place where I got my own room with ensuite and wifi included.

Being curious I wanted to see what was out the window. I do these things so you don’t have to and I don’t recommend it as behind window number one was an internal shaft that was dank and dirty.

 

Set off for the one day I had to hang out in Hong Kong ready to learn something about the place.

At Chuck’s suggestion I went to the Hong Kong Museum of History. He had good advice as it was worth the hk$10 (about US$1.30) entrance fee.

There was everything from the geological periods in the creation of Hong Kong to the recreation of old fashioned street scenes.

Real water and a fake backdrop were used for a display of boats in the harbour.

My personal favourite was towers of buns. They were from a festival where people would climb them. But I believe the practise was abandoned for being too dangerous. I do wonder where the idea that climbing a huge pile of pastry was a good idea started.

 

After my education in Hong Kong history I headed to Tung Chung on the MTR to catch the cable car up the hill.

Ngong ping 360 has 2 types of gondolas normal and the not for any acrophobics Crystal Cabin glass bottom version.

Not a fan of heights (or paying a premium) I went with the normal capsule.

 

Reading up on the operation now I am pretty shocked at the safety record. The service is currently closed due to a technical fault and it has been shut down numerous times in the past.

Including a time when a cable car fell off the wire!

 

This reminds me of how my parents always told me a story about how we nearly ended up in a similar situation in Singapore. There is a cable car to Sentosa Island and according to the parentals we were going to go on it one night but ended up going the night before.

The night we were going to go a ship sailed under the wires but it was too tall, hit the wires and caused some cars to fall into the sea.

For a while I thought that this was just a fanciful story. Then one day I googled it and it turns out its true!

Well the bit about the accident. I of course can’t prove or disprove the story that we were supposed to be on it at that time.

 

Anyway back to Ngong Ping 360 and their atrocious safety record. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t know anything about this while I was riding it.

So all I thought was wow the view of the airport is amazing.

 

At the top of the hill I first headed to the Po Lin Monastery as they have a vegetarian restaurant and I was hungry.

The system works whereby you buy a ticket for the number in your party (in my case that would be 1, devil duckie is cheap to feed) and then take it to the restaurant.

I decided to splash out on the luxury set meal. The best bit was the tofu with lemon sauce and I had so much food I couldn’t finish it.

 

The other main attraction is the Tian Tan Buddha which is very big and made of bronze. It is up 260 steps. But with a full belly I had even less inclination than usual to exert myself to see a religious artefact that as Chuck put it “is all fake anyway”.

Although I think he just means that it was built recently as opposed to some ancient relics that were built to just as fake deities but have some history.

 

Walking back to the cable car station there were animals wandering around. Sacred cows perhaps?

And what was that? Was it a bird? A plane? Spiderman? No it was a display of cable cars from around the world.

 

An Ice cream man display wanted to be shot not sat on.

It made me wish I had a gun with me (in a major oversight on my part I never picked one up in the USA. I should have got one in my cornflakes box right?) Then I could have aimed and fired and been all “what it said I could shoot him!”

 

There was a display of weapons but they were not of the shooting variety.

But it did seem a bit violent isn’t Buddhism supposed to be peaceful?

I am not sure but there was a book that could have help me.

In the gift shop, always a good place to look for wacky things did not disappoint, is where I could have picked up a copy of Buddhism for dummies.

Or the very cute MTR styled office accessories.

Seriously who wouldn’t love a subway train stapler? Or a turnstile tape dispenser? Ticket machine notepaper or penholder, the gift for the person who has everything.