Great Adventures of a Green Goddess

Miss Saigon? I hardly left

A couple of cheap tours took me to see sights beyond Ho Chi Minh City.

My first trip from Saigon was a half day excursion to The Cu Chi Tunnels.

 

First stop on these kinds of tours is always to a handicapped handicrafts place.

The art mostly seemed to be made of inlaid eggshells lacquers, not so appealing to vegans. But I did like that one of the artworks was of an ANA airliner. The Lockheed L1011 Tri-Star is rather an old aircraft, is this an indication of how long this painstaking work takes?

 

The tunnels were used during the war by Viet Cong guerrillas for hiding and living.

At the site we watched a video and then the guide showed us around.

The secret tunnel entrances were tiny. But then I guess the Viet Cong tended to be small people.

 

The self made weapons gallery had a fascinating display of booby traps. They were varied in design but all were constructed to create pain and suffering on the cheap.

They had names such as folding chair trap, clipping armpit trap and see saw trap.

 

There were guns you could pay to shoot.

I assume that the targets didn’t look like American soldiers but I did not partake in the practise to find out definitively.

A woman showed how rice paper is made. I think she probably made it look much easier than it actually is.

 

Inside the actual tunnels was very dark and cramped. Not a place for claustrophobics.

I ended up in the lead of a small group and unable to see the people ahead of me. I didn’t know where I was going and everyone behind me seemed to think that I should.

Perhaps because I had pulled out my headlamp and put it on?

They said we should keep going straight but then when I did, they took a side exit and I had to back up my ass up to follow them out.

 

 

Trip two was to the Mekong Delta.

The Swedish girls had done the 3 day trip and said that the last day you didn’t see anything very interesting and then it was a long drive back to HCMC. So I took their advice and booked the 2 day trip.

 

Most people on my bus that morning were doing the 1 day trip.

After the requisite lacquer shop stop we took a boat to various stops.

We had honey tea. Or other people did and I was the weird vegan who didn’t want to drink bee puke.

They also had snake wine. I don’t know how having a corpse in it is supposed to improve it in any way.

 

Next up was a fruit tasting which good. I would have preferred it if they had durian so I could impress everyone by being the freak who likes the world’s smelliest fruit.

But they didn’t have any durian so I was just at my usual freakiness level.

 

We visited a factory that made coconut candy. It is wrapped in rice paper that dissolves in your mouth. I got some durian flavoured candy.

Freakiness level thus slightly elevated.

 

We all wore traditional conical hats during a boat ride in the little Vietnamese boats along a canal.  I just put the Vietnamese hat on top of the hat I was already wearing which I guess is a little on the freak side.

 

 

On the way to the hotel in the biggest city in the Mekong Delta the guide had told me that I had to pay extra as I would have to stay in a room alone.

I was like what if I find someone to share with?

So he gave me his business card. I gave him the extra $5 he requested.

We get to the hotel, wade on in (the streets were flooded) and sure enough I find an American girl who is also travelling alone and we agree to share a room.

So I borrowed the phone of the guide at the hotel and call the guy about getting a refund.

I don’t know why he gave me his card if he didn’t mean it but he tried to argue that there were no refunds!

I got the other guide to speak to him and he did then repeated the message that there were no refunds.

I simply borrowed the phone again and called the guide once more.

It took a total of three separate calls but he eventually admitted defeat and I got my cash back.

 

The American girl and I went to the restaurant closest to the hotel since we didn’t want to swim.

The Quan 31 menu was very interesting.

It had a chicken section but then a separate section named Bird. This does make you wonder what type of bird it would be...

 Frog also featured but far more disturbing was the fact that the menu also included both snake and rat.

There was a snake cage lined up against one wall in the dining area. I guess the rats were just caught as they ran thru the kitchen...

We went with the much safer and saner choice of tofu and veggies with rice.

 

The next morning we boarded a boat and went to the floating market.

Along the way we passed a petrol station boat. The kind of thing I guess makes sense but I had never considered the need for it to exist before.

At the market most of the boats there were bigger than I expected. These would display their wares on a pole.

Smaller boats pulled alongside us to sell cold drinks and coffee.

Our boat stopped alongside a larger one so we could climb aboard and buy fresh pineapple.

 

We went to a rice paper place that had lots of animals. Rabbits, pigs and puppies.

I was impressed by an iPhone shaped rear-view mirror on a motorcycle.

Yes it is the small things that impress the freakish minded.

 

Our tour took us on a long walk along a muddy track thru a tropical fruit farm. I didn’t like slipping around and perhaps I am too much of a prissy princess but I thought that if they were regularly bringing tourists thru then they should do something about the path.

 

The trip back to Saigon was on the back seat of a bus that lacked something in the suspension department. Like any at all.

Every bump would send us flying up into the air.

We did stop for lunch and for what the guides called the happy room and everyone else knows as the toilet.

But then we continued bouncing our way back to Saigon.

Good morning Vietnam!

My first stop in the vibrant country of Vietnam was the capital Ho Chi Minh City which was formerly known as Saigon and the central area is still commonly called that.

On arrival I went to look at a hostel that the girl who’d sat next to me on the bus had booked into. But it was pretty spendy and up five flights of stairs.

 

So I kept looking and while doing so a local guy on the street really pissed me off.

He kept trying to get me to go with him to a hotel he obviously got commission from. When I saw some people from my bus and went to go over to them he actually stopped me from talking to them! He really got me mad and I just turned around and yelled in his face that he should fuck off.

Not one of my best tourist moments but it was effective and felt great.

 

The hostel I ended up in was a great place that was half the price and half the number of stairs as the previous place.

Had a nap and when I woke for a moment I had no idea where I was!

 

My foremost mission was to change money. I went with a Swedish girl (She I shall name Janet) from my dorm that I ended up hanging out with a lot. The transaction was carried out at a jewellery store with a good rate and when I swapped my dollars to dong (funniest currency name ever) I instantly became a multi millionaire!

 

With such riches to spend I considered buying a pack raincover but they didn’t seem to fit. The litres of Vietnamese bags are somehow much smaller than the rest of the world.

The place is overrun with fake products of brands like The North Face and Crumpler.

 

I did buy a donut shaped cord winder at one of those shops full of cute little things. Well worth it as I was sick of having to untangle my headphones every time I used them.

At Ben Thanh Market I bought a couple of bead bracelets.

One was jade and the other sandstone.

Later another bracelet seller on the street told me that my new beads were plastic.

So I proceeded to pout and say that made me sad.

She got mad and called me a baby which I thought was hilarious.

 

The War Remnants Museum used to have the most excellent name of "The House for Displaying War Crimes of American Imperialism and the Puppet Government (of South Vietnam)." Later it was known by the lesser moniker of The Museum of American War Crimes then the War Crimes Museum.

I impressed Janet by being able to recognise a couple of the aircraft outside, a Chinook and a Cessna.

Inside I didn’t expect the many photos displayed to be so horrifically graphic.

 

The most fascinating exhibit to me was the pickled babies.

They had a set of conjoined twins I referred to as the two headed baby.

But I did think that there are lots of cases of conjoined twins in the world and they aren’t all due to the exposure to Agent Orange. So how did we know that it caused this set?

 

It became a running joke with Janet as she was known to have unprotected sex with random men. So I told her that she was going to have a two headed baby. I really wasn’t impressed with her behaviour. Dammit Janet! She was young and dumb and full of strangers cum. I even pointed out how strange it was that she took anti malarials but malaria was less likely to be fatal than AIDS.

 

 

Janet had made friends with a couple of other Swedish girls so I hung out with this blonde brigade.

We went to a temple that they liked the look of in their guidebook.

The taxi meter was rigged. And came to 200000 dong. We should have argued but just split the cost 4 ways and it wasn’t that bad.

Sometimes you have to realise that an extra dollar isn’t the end of the world I guess.

 

Another trick of the taxi drivers is to not have change. I did consider later the option of teaching them a lesson by getting and making a big slow effort of finding somewhere to change money for me...

 

In the end The Jade Emperor Pagoda wasn’t that interesting after visiting so many temples on my trip.  But outside it had tons of terrific turtles.

 

 

When Janet and I set about finding the Reunification Palace we managed to walk right around the block before finding the entrance. Seriously if we had just walked straight we would have found it in seconds.

The government building is a blast from the past. The decor is just as it was years ago when it was invaded.

 

The city was full of great little Vietnamese moments.

Such as having to sit on the footpath, our big western butts squeezed onto tiny plastic seats when we bought a drink.

Or when crossing thru the park how we became an attraction to the many students who wanted to practise their English.

 

The major experience and test of travel in Vietnam is being able to cross the road.

The number of motorbikes is astounding and at first you think that being able to get to the other side intact is impossible.

But the trick is to just confidently walk out and the traffic goes around you.

So you eventually you realise that it is actually the easiest place in the world to cross the road.

Mushroom, bad room, good room and a visa to vamoose

I went to stay in a mushroom in Sihanoukville.

This place was called Mushroom Point and it was at Otres Beach. The area only had a dirt road for a main street and as the place was flooded it wasn’t in great condition.

Mushroom Point flooded while I was there. But the water logging didn’t seem as bad as at the Done Right domes next door.

Places tended to have funny names like that.

 

The main mushroom had the reception/dining/ lounging area downstairs (you can rest not on a toadstool but in a hammock) and the dorm above.

Out behind it were the private mushrooms. These were a main mushroom containing a bed and a mini mushroom outside that held a bathroom.

 

The mushroom dorm room was a round room in the shroom that had five round beds each with its own mosquito net.

It was rather sweet.

What wasn’t so nice was the narrow rocky path and then scary stairs up there.

Ok I admit that I have a fear of heights and I am totally wimpy.

The stairs were more like a ladder, the horrible type of steps with big gaps.

And there was no handrail.

I told the guy running the place how dangerous I thought it was and he just advised me to go slowly.

Which I responded to by pointing out that I didn’t think that I could fall slowly!

 

Nothing bad befell me although apparently one night I slept thru a storm that shook the mushroom.

I walked along the beach, had fun in the fungus by lying in a hammock with the wifi. A hammock and the net are an awesome combination btw.

But then I got a bit bored.

 

So I changed to a hotel in central Sihanoukville.

The first place sucked big time. They told me it had wifi, but there was no signal at all. It had a bad smell that just seemed to get worse. There were large roaches that seemed fond of my bed. I slept with the light on that night!

Then finally when I went to leave the door broke and locked me in.

I complained about it and their solution was that I should move into another room that was twice the price!

They were all the wifi works in that room and if it doesn’t you don’t have to pay. So I pointed out that I was told that the wifi would work in the room I was in and it didn’t so I shouldn’t have to pay for that!

 

I moved to another place that was exactly what I wanted. A room with private bath, TV and wifi for just $6 per night. I settled in and went to visit the main beach.

Serendipity Beach is lined by restaurants built for long stretches of beach bumming. But it is not that restful as a lot of children spend their time on the shoreline trying to sell stuff.

But the hardcore hawking wasn’t just left to the youngsters.

 I was sitting eating breakfast when a woman came up and started using thread to remove the hair on my legs. Yeah way to go with reminding me that I’ve been slack about shaving them.

 

In Cambodia the ATMs give out good old American greenback dollars. They spit out the cash in large denomination notes that no one has change for. I had trouble changing a $100 bill to some smaller much more usable bills. Eventually western union came to my rescue and broke the bill.

It’s kind of funny how American dollars are used for the main amounts and the notes of Cambodian riels are used as coins would be in other countries.

 

I had heard that Snooky (as Sihanoukville is affectionately called by the many backpackers who find their way there) was the best place to get a visa for Vietnam and I was very impressed with the service.

I arrived at the office as it was about to close for lunch. But the guard let me in so I waltzed on in. No one was around but I found a form and started to fill it in.

The employee appeared and he just wanted to know the date when I would be entering Vietnam. He didn’t even make me complete the whole form. I handed over the required cash and got the shiny new visa in my passport.

The entire process took about ten minutes.

The Phnom Penh psychopath test

I arrived in the Cambodian capital of Phnom Penh at 6am after defying death on a night bus.

The safety record of the buses is apparently not that great and while they have beds they are not long enough to lie down in comfortably. The aircon as is common on Asian transport was set to subzero but blankets were provided.

 

I got a tuk tuk to 88 backpackers hostel. It was really nice, they even had a swimming pool!

Best of all they let me check in at that early hour and I was able to get some more sleep.

In my dorm room there was a Belgian couple sharing a bed since the bunk beds were double wide.

I invited myself along on a trip with them as the problem with travelling solo is paying for things like tuk tuks alone. It is much better when you have someone to split the costs with.

 

The Belgians were happy to have me along and first we went to Tuol Sleng.

This is the genocide museum. It was formerly a high school. Then in the 70s the Khmer Rouge used it as a prison to torture people. The classrooms became cells and you could see them containing just a bed and a bucket with photos of the results on the wall.

Another building has rows and rows of photos of people who were imprisoned there. It’s all very horrific as most people died there. Only seven people survived and one of them was selling a book he had written.

There is a sign that bans being happy but it is really not necessary as the whole place is a complete downer.

 

We left the museum to travel the dusty road to The Killing Fields of Choeung Ek. They are actually in a field. You walk over grass around the mass graves. There is a sign to not walk over the mass graves but you feel like you are walking on them anyway. The whole area is just has so many bodies.

The rain causes things to come up out of the ground and you will see fragments around you. Teeth, bones and clothes. We met a girl who was crying because she had seen an arm bone with clothing on it.

Our guide pointed out things like the tree where babies had their heads smashed in. The theory was that if you kill the whole family then there is no one growing up and plotting revenge.

 

After visiting these two sites your tuk tuk driver will then enquire if you would like to go to the shooting range.

Yes after seeing the most depressing things ever and wanting to just curl up and cry about how cruel and corrupt humanity can be they ask if you want to go and shoot the shit out of some stuff.

It is like it is a test to see if you are a psychopath.

I’ve heard rumours that if you pay enough you can shoot whatever you want including animals.

We did not go there.

 

 

Alone the next day I was walking to The Royal Palace and Silver Pagoda, when a tuk tuk driver told me that it was closed and offered to take me to the Russian market instead.

I’d heard about this scam but it was the first time someone had tried it on me.

Still I was amazed someone would lie so blatantly to my face.

I mean what if this was the only chance I had to go there and here he was trying to take the opportunity away from me!

I said I knew it opened in the afternoon and he insisted that it was a holiday today.

I didn’t believe him, walked to the official gate and sure enough it opened at 2pm.

 

I didn’t see much at the Royal Palace but the Silver Pagoda was the main attraction for me. It features treasures like life sized, gold and emerald Buddhas, topiary trees and a model of Angkor Wat.

After the pagoda I walked to a vegetarian place and was impressed that it had swings as seats. I thought was very nifty.

I got food to go and hired a tuk tuk to return me to the hostel. The driver kept getting lost and I had to pull out my map for him. The streets are numbered in Phnom Penh and 88 backpackers is unsurprisingly on street number 88.

At 86 street I was pretty close to being all “I’ll drive” since I knew we were one street over and the driver didn’t seem to realise this.

But at least he didn’t try to lie to me.

Jobs, scams and nuclear fallout

So I was looking for a job in Brisbane and the best I have gotten is a scam mail.

Justin Brazenor wants to hire me to do billing management. Look at the website he made! Awww it’s just like a real one. 

I got a message from a job website that a job I had applied for was pulled for being fraudulent so I assume that’s why I got the email.

 

It smelt scammy to me from the moment I read it. But I was curious as to what exactly their angle was so I replied and it is so ridiculous that I am actually highly amused.

Apparently in order to get paid I need to obtain an ANZ Travel Card or Commonwealth Travel Money Card and fill in a form advising them of its number. Oh what a funny coincidence that these cards can be used just like a credit card and there is a minimum load of $200.

 

Let’s pretend it’s not scammy for a moment and consider using these cards.

They have a set up fee, then they are nice enough to let you load the first balance for free but after that it costs each time. Plus you have to pay a fee each time you withdrawal money from an ATM. And you are supposed to believe that this is the best way for them to pay you and then access your newly earned funds?

I don’t even think these cards are good deal for travel!

 

I would have liked to have baited this scam but unfortunately they had my name and rule number one of scam baiting is you don’t bait with your real name.

A quick Google and it seems the scammers are back to the usual money laundering Western Union scams so perhaps no one was dumb enough to fall for their card tricks.

 

 

 

I went for an assessment for a job (a real job!) getting bitched at by strangers for $25hr. While I am not that into the constant complaining I do need the cash.

Unfortunately the assessment consisted of a number of tests and they expected me to do maths. Without a calculator.

How silly, we have the technology so why waste valuable brain space remembering how to do long division? I can kick ass with a calculator but with a brain full of a cold virus and just a pen and paper to work with, not so much...

I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t get the job. But considering that there were 25 positions and 500 applicants I was just in the majority.

 

They offered feedback and perhaps I do have a bit of a masochist streak as I thought I would give it a go and let them tell me how much I suck.

Although I would really be impressed if they were that honest instead of the usual ‘due to the high number of applicants...’ that every rejection email claims.

The woman was actually very nice and did indeed say the usual stuff about it being an extremely competitive process blah blah blah.

I was not shocked to learn that I was rejected because my maths sucks. What did surprise me was when she said I was fine with the group discussion.

 

We had to do a variation on the lifeboat game. The one with a list of people and having to decide which people got the places in the fallout shelter to go on to repopulate the earth.

I tried to be good and didn’t share that no doubt humans were responsible for the earth’s terrible radioactive predicament in this scenario and thus really we should just let them all die off and give the planet a chance to recover.

I resisted the urge to get on my soapbox and lecture on the benefits of the voluntary human extinction movement.

 

Hey I have the out of the box thinking that wondered if we should offer to let the woman pregnant with triplets get an abortion and have a place in the shelter (there are only 8 spots and each baby counts). On second thought she wouldn’t have been a good choice as she did IVF to get pregnant and I got rather into the whole game and trying to select the best breeders.

If your dried up old ovaries were over reproducing age or didn’t have any useful skills you were out. If I thought you had any conditions that I suspected could be congenital and thus that would pass on to your offspring I questioned your place procreating in our future.

 

The power went to my head and I wanted to breed a screaming shitload of superior superbabies with the passion of the Nazi’s.

Well with the difference that I suggested that we pick a people from every ethnicity to create that great big melting pot in the future.

I even suggested in a more polite way that everyone in the shelter should be engaging in a nonstop orgy to ensure that babies were made between every possible couple as genetic diversity would make our survivors stronger.

Scarily I all but had a maniacal laugh as I tried to shape the future like a mad scientist.

All I can console myself with is the fact that the actual job had nothing at all to do with eugenics.

Submerging myself in Siem Reap

I caught the boat from Battambang to Siem Reap and we had to go out of town to get on the boat. Usually the problem is not enough water, ours was too much.

The boat was smaller than I expected and the trip was long but a nice way to see the floating villages along the way.

We sat in two lines inside the boat under a canopy, locals at the back and tourists at the front. I guess the locals knew what to expect as the water would splash me and the trees would swipe in at us.

 

We stopped once where we could buy food and use the loo. Peeking into a container we saw creatures I think were little baby crocodiles. Watch your fingers!

The locals would often get off the boat by having a small craft come up beside the boat and then paddle off after the transfer. After travelling the river for a few hours we crossed a large lake and then arrived at the dock.

 

Arriving the boat stopped and the annoying tuk tuk drivers jumped on. I was informed that I had to remember that this driver had seen me first. Apparently since he had talked to me first I was obligated to go with him. Screw that I do not reward being harassed!

A group of us joined forces to organise getting into town. Hired a couple of tuk tuks for the six of us. The drivers wanted more because the roads were flooded.

Turns out the roads were so flooded that the guys had to walk the deepest parts. Lucky me got to stay in the tuk tuk.

 

In Siem Reap we were dropped off outside the flooded old market area.

I was stubborn and refused to pay a dollar for another tuk tuk, instead I pulled off my sneakers, zipped off my pant legs and waded into the thigh high water.

The river had overflowed its banks and many locals were out playing in it.

I stayed at a hostel and I ended up being the only guest one night.

 

I had been planning to spend some time exploring Angkor Wat. There are one day, three day and seven day passes and they are expensive. I’d originally thought I would get a three day pass and do an in depth investigation of the archaeological area.

 But everyone I talked to said just do one day and then you will be all templed out. So I followed their advice and it was spot on.

 

I rented a tuk tuk for the day and the driver took me to the main sites. I saw five temples and in order they were:

 

1. Angkor Wat is the most famous temple (hey the whole area is known by this name). The one from all the photos. I climbed up some scarily steep stairs to the upper level. Going back down I had one had on the handrail and another on the step behind me. Then watched as another tourist practically skipped her way down.

       2. The next (I don’t recall the name) had a path of planks to crossing the water to enter and lion statutes guarded the front of the ruins. Beside them was a small green lake.

      3. Vines and trees grew on Ta Prohm a temple most famous for starring in Tomb Raider with Angelina Jolie. The combination of old stone and wood is very photogenic. It is like you are discovering the temples are they were found with the jungle claiming them.

        4. Ta Keo had a whole bunch of steps so I called it quits early.

       5. The last site Bayon has all the faces. It wasn’t as clearly signposted and I got lost finding my way to the top. Found my way by following some monks.  After a few photos I was done with the temples.

 

It really is a wonder of the world and if you were wondering the archaeological park actually had decent toilets (but when paying us$20 per day they should be). 

The touts were very persistent, especially the children who swarmed me selling books, jewellery and other trinkets. They would follow me like I was the pied piper, so watch out for that but it really was a great day out.

 

On the way back we stopped at the killing fields, I thought it would be an actual field but it was the courtyard of a temple with a display of very neatly stacked skeletons in a glass sided case.

 

 

Back in Siem Reap the main area had a vegetarian restaurant that was quite gourmet. Its name was Chamkar and its prices were high for Cambodia.  I treated myself and it was pretty good.

In the same area of the city the fish pedicure place had a sign advising that they had no piranhas which was surely a relief considering that if got loose the flood ravaged town was their oyster.

 

I waded out to a vegetarian place named Vitking House. It was quite far out or seemed so when I had to negotiate the flood waters. The place was in a nice setting and inside it had a cute little picket fenced planter box.

I gorged myself on tofu and mock fish.

On the way back some asshole thought it was funny to kick water at me as I walked past. I think he was an Aussie asshat. The bogan type. Who let the dickheads out?

 

I had gotten used to water water everywhere but as I was preparing to leave the town, the water finally receded.

Battambang and the Bamboo Train

The name Battambang seems funny enough but it is actually pronounced like Battambong which is even funnier.

It is the second largest city in Cambodia and most famous for its bamboo train. I had come to experience this wild ride but first I had to find a place to lay my weary head.

 

The bus dropped me off on the street and I arrived without a map, a plan or any idea what direction I was walking in (as in my custom apparently).

But I still managed to find a nice hotel room for US$6per night. My room was more than adequate as it had a fan, private bathroom and a TV.

They had cheaper rooms for half the price but they had a very dodgy shared bathroom. There wasn’t even a handbasin and a girl has to have some standards.

 

I took a day tour with a nice local guide in a tuk tuk. They are more like a trailer on a motorcycle than the all in one type in Thailand. The design also makes them easier to get into.

I liked to think of my new transportation as my own personal chariot.

I was glad to have it despite it costing more than just riding on the back of a bike when it started pouring with rain.

 

First stop was The Bamboo Train. This is a train that is literally made of bamboo. Well the flat platform you sit on is a rectangular sheet of bamboo.  It is placed atop two sets of wheels and powered by its own small engine.

When another train comes down the same line in the opposite direction then one has to lift their train off the rails so the other can pass. The rule is that the least loaded train has to disassemble. We had right of way on the trip out as we had a girl with a motorcycle onboard.

 

At the end of the line were some cute kids who showed us the rice mill and played with us.

One of the women told us that the owner keeps all the money and her husband who drove the train should be tipped. I don’t know if this is true but I did buy a scarf from her for the ride back because of the bugs. The insects that fly in your face as you race along the tracks.

It was a traditional Cambodian scarf and later when I checked out of my hotel I was given another.

The scarf worked really well tied around my face on the trip back. As it was just me and two other tourists that had shown up (I had waited so I could split costs) we were outranked by a tourist filled train going in the opposite direction.

But seeing the train taken apart so quickly was something I’m glad I didn’t miss.

 

Next up was Banan Temple that really was up. Up many (many!) steep steps.

But stick to the path people as the signs warned of landmines!

On my way up a small child followed me with a fan.

I did wonder about the kids that followed me, who did they think I was, Angelina Jolie?

 

At the top I sat and chatted to a local guy and asked him how much I was supposed to give my biggest fan.

I gave him the recommended amount (a few cents) although later I thought I probably shouldn’t as he didn’t ask before fanning me and by giving him money it is incentive for him to stay out of school and try to make money.

 

At the next temple site I had to take a motorbike to the top of the hill as I didn’t want to walk it.

In the killing cave I saw case filled with bones. Pretty creepy to see a pile of human bones displayed like that.

 

Further up there is are a couple of temples with monkeys.

My motorcycle driver and I ate oranges which are strangely enough green here. I always want to say they aren’t oranges their greens!

A mosquito wanted a meal too and chose me. But the guy reassured me that it wasn’t a malarial zone.

Then at a viewpoint with an excellent panoramic view of the surrounding countryside, I chatted to a monk about killing mosquitoes and cruelty.

He probably wasn’t too impressed with my ‘but they started it’ argument.

 

When we returned to Battambang it was pouring with rain so my tuk tuk driver gave me a ride to my favourite of the two vegetarian places in town.

I invited him to join me and he accepted.

The meal for both of us (2 mains + 2 appetizers) was under US$5.

That’s so damn cheap for such a delicious feast.

 

Welcome to Scambodia

My trip from one side of Thailand to the other was rather long.

I caught a minivan from my hostel in Phuket, which took us to a cafe to wait, then another bus to Surat Thani where a songthaew/ backpack destroyer took us to a bus stop for the night bus.

On the bus I had two seats to myself and so lots of space. They played CSI NY before lights out sleepy time.

I arrived in Bangkok at 5am and went to the hostel I had stayed at previously.

Mainly because I wanted to use their toilet but I hung out and used their wifi too.

Then left my bag there and went to find breakfast.

 

I don’t learn lessons fast obviously as I once more asked directions and got given the wrong advice.

This time I asked which side of the road I should catch the bus on and found out I was going in the wrong direction once I was on the bus.

Ok I thought I will just get off and catch another bus on the other side of the road. But it was not the simple as the bus did not seem to come that way. I had to walk along to another bus stop before my bus appeared.

 

I went to the northern bus station and bought a ticket to the border town of Aranyaprathet.

I went the government bus way as I wanted to avoid all of the infamous scam buses that travel from Khao San Road to Siem Reap. They are famous for taking as long as possible to get there (so you will stay in their guesthouse) and finding any way they can to scam you on the way (visa, money changing, restaurants that pay commission).

 

During the trip I looked out as we passed a truck and was surprised to see the cargo was a live elephant!

Operation Dumbo Drive is not something you see every day in most places, but we were not in Kansas anymore Toto.

In fact we were headed towards a much dodgier place that I liked to call Scambodia.

It is the border crossing into the town of Poipet Cambodia and it is notorious for scams.

But I wasn’t heading in right away.

My bus didn’t arrive in Aranyaprathet which is the town on the Thai side of the border until late afternoon so I found a cheap guesthouse and spend a night before braving the border in the morning.

 

At the border when touts asked me if I had a visa I simply lied and said that I did. The scam is to make you get one at a travel agency and pay way more than necessary.

Exiting Thailand it was fine except that I had forgotten to fill in the exit form stapled in my passport and had to retreat and do that.

 

On the Cambodian side I got taken in by the first scam.

It was a health check form that is actually just set up by the taxi company so they can find out your intended destination.

With his knowledge of where I was planning to go, I had a guy who assigned himself to me and followed me around trying to talk me into a taxi.

But I went on so much about scams and how I had read online about it and how the taxi would rip me off that he actually gave up and left me alone.

 

At the visa on arrival office they tried to get me to pay a small bribe. I just pointed to the prices on sign and said no scams! Thus I only paid the official fee.

I expected to wait a while to get my passport back but it actually wasn’t too long.

I was then stamped into Cambodia and promptly managed to get scammed.

 

I should have followed the advice of not talking to anyone who wants to help. But knew the bus only went early in the morning and I was beginning to worry about missing it. Poipet is not a place you want to be stranded in.

I had avoided the government bus shuttle (an official scam) by saying that I wanted to look at the market. Of course what I was looking for was a bus.

A guy helped me find a guy selling bus tickets he said it was far and you would think I would be smarter but I was aware of the time ticking. Thus we took a tuk tuk and it was only 1km so I totally could have walked it.

Then they wanted the fee in baht and they wanted too much. Half for their own pockets I’m sure. I said how much I wanted to pay but they wouldn’t back down and I wanted to get out of there.

So I think I paid as much as I would have paid for the govt bus anyway.

 

I started off with two seats to myself so I could try and justify I got my money’s worth. But then I ended up sharing with a couple of children.

Just like Laina had suggested in the Philippines onboard the bus they played music videos with lyrics.

Yes bus karaoke!

Luckily for the other passengers I don’t speak or sing Khmer.

Phuket lost again!

Phuket’s famous beach area is patong. But I wasn’t really interested in a seedy spot so I’d paid for both the boat from Koh Phi Phi and then a van ride to the quieter Kata Beach area.

 

I knew about a cheap place from some quick online searching and told the driver the name of the place. But instead he took me to a place that I assume he would get a nice big commission from.

I passed on the expensive room and forgetting the first rule of directions in Thailand: don’t ask a local as they will lie to save face.

I asked the location of the cheap place and was unknowingly sent off in totally the wrong direction.

 

I set off on this hot day with a heavy backpack and sunburnt shoulders. These things do not go well together.

Finding the beach I stopped to admire it. It has all the prerequisites of paradise, the white sand, palm trees and aquamarine waves lapping at the shore.

I ended up walking down the beach where I found a golden dragon on top of a signboard. This was no help at all as it was all don’t ask me talk to the hand pose (and the sign had no helpful info either).

 

So once again I was lost and the hot sun beating down while my sunburnt shoulders rubbed against my heavy backpack straps really didn’t enhance the situation.

I felt better informed after stopping at an internet cafe to check directions. I had originally been it a small beach town how hard can it be to find, famous last words of course.

So then after walking the wrong way (just because I now have directions doesn’t mean I can follow them), then walking the right way all the way back up to the other end of the beach.

I found my hostel and it was right near the hotel the driver first took me to!

Seriously it was on the same street.

 

But I was just happy to have found it as it was a pretty damn cheap place.

I had met a couple staying in a hotel in the same area and they had told me it was only 800 baht per night.

When I ran into them later I could tell them that I had found a place for 165 baht per night.

 

They told me about a night market that was nearby so I hit it up for dinner, freshly cooked corn in two different colours (one yellow one blue), cherry tomatoes, bananas and durian. I went back to the hostel with my feast.

I then met the only other guy staying there and shared some of my bountiful banquet.

He had a larger dorm room and I had the smaller one, a two bed that was actually cheaper (but warmer) than the bigger dorm.

I am sure we were both happy to have our own space as it was a pretty damn sweet arrangement.

 

 

The town didn’t have much of interest to me. I chatted to some local people and I don’t know why but the most common guess for where I was from was Canada. Weird eh!

 

My main goal was finding a post office to send a postcard. This was due to the fact that when I was in the states I’d won a pack pens that included a postcard making kit. Rosie’s young niece Daisy had made me a really sweet postcard and hid it in my pack for me to find later.

So I decided to send her postcards from my travels.

This mission was easy to accomplish.

 

I didn’t end up swimming on the gorgeous beach as it has rip tides.

Thus I just walked along it, which is much more fun without lugging my worldly possessions with me.

There was an interesting pattern in the sand. I wonder if it can be interpreted as an image of the flying spaghetti monster.

Hell if people can see Jesus in a cheese toasted sandwich then I can totally see my spagdeity in the sand!

The beach from The Beach

I travelled to Koh Phi Phi with Norah my new friend from Krabi.  A good plan ma’am as we could split the cost of accommodation which tends to be pricy on this popular slice of paradise.

The islands are Phi Phi Don where the accommodations are and the smaller Phi Phi Leh where the tourists head on day trips.

 

We stayed in a cute little cabin that was out in the far end of the island past the ship shaped sunflower bar with its name written in wood.

Our spot was sunrise and our wooden hut had a one double bed and a net that was doing a very good Swiss cheese impression with more holes than a bad movie plot. Oh and there were lots of mosquitoes.

 

A whole extended family of bloodsuckers that saw me as their savoir from famine.

It seemed that I’d become a mobile feeding station for blood sucking insects. So Itchy!

For me it leads to those big questions on how bad a vegan I’d be if I slapped a mosquito that was biting me? Considering all it started it, I say no to bitey bugs!

Yes being itchy makes me a bit grumpy and possibly murderous.

I went outside to see a snake on a tree, looked down and my leg and 3 mosquitoes were feasting on my exposed flesh!

 

At night the beach is a loud party spot with fireshows and buckets of alcohol being drunk.

The noise carried to our thin walled camp so with that and the mozzies we didn’t feel like sticking around.

We changed to a different guesthouse that had two single beds, proper walls and stopped supporting the nutritional needs of every mozzie on the island.

 

The island has no cars and just paths to walk around. It seems like it would be better but it is not because it means that you share the path with bikes instead of being separate road and footpath. So every time you step out you are at risk of being run over by a clumsy cyclist.

Especially if you are distracted by something funny like this sign for droopy bananas.

 

In an unusual use for a bucket on this island I attempted to use one to make a sandcastle, my building skills were not good. I don’t think I got the right ratio of sand and water and when I tried to tip it out it just when flop. My poor collapsed castle.

Then it started to rain so I gave up. Maybe next time I will try a sand sculpture.

 

 

To see the smaller island we booked a half day trip on a long tail boat.

We went snorkelling which was fun as the water is crystal clear and the fish are tropically bright.

The main stop is to visit Maya Bay aka the beach from The Beach. That movie where Leonardo DiCaprio seeks a secret paradise.

Well word has got out on this place as it was packed with tourists.

The sand and surf was crowded and most sadly of all the water was full of plastic debris. The fact that it is still stunningly gorgeous just makes it all the sadder.

You can walk thru the interior of the island to the other side where the clear water is decorated by a cute blob of island.

 

There was a sign sadly surrounded by bags of rubbish, which pointed to the tsunami evacuation route. It is a poignant reminder that the Boxing Day 2004 tsunami had wiped out the islands.

Walking thru the main town (on Phi Phi Don) it is amazing to consider that it was devastated not so long ago and has been rebuilt.

The last stop was a beach where the local monkeys have become accustomed to tourists feeding them.

I watched as they jumped onto boats to amuse tourists who offered sweet treats. But kept well back myself as those beasts have fangs.

 

Norah and I went to dinner with a couple we met on the boat trip and I ended up in the ladies of a bar letting the wife take photos of my piercings.

Yes the ones below my neck. But I figured heck as they don’t have my face it doesn’t matter when they end up online.

 

The end result of this day was fabulous memories and bright red shoulders as I’d gotten sunburnt.

So I left the island with sunburn and a new sarong.

I bought the sarong as I loved the colours of it. I probably paid more because I didn’t see the one I had to have until I was on the island but I don’t care as I feel happy with my purchase every time I look at how pretty it is.

My sarong is so right.