Great Adventures of a Green Goddess

This place seems somewhat familiar

Wow so where am I? Oh yes its all coming back to me now. This is where I write stuff. All about me. My special babbling place.

So where was I?

Oh the places I have been, much to tell. So many posts I will do...

How many countries have I been to? Am I still a vegan? Or an incel? Have I experienced any more of the horrors of hostelling?

Yeah my dearies all these questions will be answered in good time.

But first I know you want to know what kept me away from writing here. From spreading my scandals and sharing my secrets. I know I missed this place, the clothesline for my dirty laundry, the corner for my random rants.

My absence was simply the result of just another sad sad story of a dead laptop.

One night at the hostel in cold dark London I was using my sweet old lappy. Not that it was that old, poor wee thing wasn't even 3 years old. I would have hoped it was only middle aged and not a frail geriatric!

Now that night I wasn't doing anything bad. There was no downloading of hardcore pornography or anything that would kill a laptop of a weaker constitution, nothing to cause it to commit suicide on moody moral grounds.

It was merely a quite innocent evening using my computer when it just suddenly cut off and went to a black screen of nothingness.

So I left it for the night. Gave it time to realise that it's not so bad. Everything would look better by the light of the day... however the next morning when I tried to restart, it went to the chose safe mode screen then on start up became frozen on the welcome to windows screen (Funny how that's a blue screen). I tried to start it again and this time it got to the desktop before cutting off again.

From that point on it would not start at all. The little light next to the start button will light up to show it is on but I can't even hear the actual computer starting up.

It seems that the motherboard has died in it. What an annoying motherfucker that is!

So after much pondering on whether I wanted to get another laptop or a netbook (they are such cute widdle things!) I finally listened to others who declared I needed more power and went the laptop way. My new baby is a dell insprion 13.

Yup I decided that that I could be satisfied by 13 inches of glossy widescreen LCD display.

The next hurdle was getting microsoft office with word so that I could write my blog. Yes I am a creature of habit and I like to always write my blog posts in word first.

I do have a copy of office but the disc is in a box at Lady's house.

The perfect plan was to get Lady to dig it out and give to to Giselle (who has gone back to NZ for a couple of weeks) to bring it back to me. But Lady didn't get my email in time so that didn't happen. Now she says that she will post the disc to me. Who knows how long that will take...

So today in a flash of not often seen brilliance I realised that word is not the only word processing programme out there (yes I am obviously a genius). So a quick google and I found a free one called OpenOffice to download.

It is a lot like word so should work OK for me until I get the disc. I will try not to let the little differences annoy the crap out of me. Trying hard...

So yes my lovely internets I am back to blog and bitch!

Disney days and London landing

Ah time to worship the mouse at the happiest place on earth™. I was going to spend 4 days at Disney, 2 days at each park (Disneyland and California Adventure) but then I arrived and realised that if I got a 5 day pass (which didn’t cost much more) I could see the fireworks. They were amazingly cool and totally worth it.

I picked a really good time to do Disney as the weather was nice and the parks weren’t crowded.

I was hoping that I could get a list from city hall that would tell me what meals were vegan, they had celiac and kosher lists but no vegan. So I decided to just take my own food.

I trekked to a supermarket that didn’t have a very good selection of vegan stuff (I was so spoilt at whole foods) but I got some Luna bars and fruit to take during the days and had Boca burgers with salad and bread (plus some ketchup and mustard I’d swipe in the park) for dinner when I got back to the motel.

Oh how I loved the motel, two double beds, my own bathroom, TV and wireless internet that worked. Luxury! Plus it was pretty cheap and only a couple of blocks from Disney too.

I had a great time at the parks and saw every attraction I wanted to at least once.

One day I even made friends with a guy I met at the monorail station and we did some rides together. It was nice not to be a party of one for awhile and he was a local with a yearly pass so told me about the history and changes the park has had. When we were in Inoventions (fave thing the tabletop touch controlled map) he pointed out a guy he said was Ron Jeremy. I of course innocently claimed I don’t know who that is. So my celeb spotting count is a porn star and a guy from queer eye, pretty lame. Oh yeah and The Mouse, I of course got the mandatory mouse photo. It’s with Minnie not Mickey but hey any character is good. Yay for animated rodents.

I didn’t buy any tacky souvenirs. But I must admit I was tempted by a toy story alien doll I saw. I actually wanted to get it just to show people because I could hardly believe it. The doll vibrated and said something like oooh ahhh the coming of the great one! Seriously I am not making this up! Actually I might have to add it to my Christmas wish list…

So anyway after 5 days I was disneyed out and ready for the next challenge, LAX.

Ok it actually wasn’t too awful, pretty boring and weird how there wasn’t any kind of immigration/customs to stamp your passport when you leave. I had heard that the security would be slow but it wasn’t that bad, Just a pain that you have to take your shoes off.

The flight was good. I liked looking at

America

as we flew over it. I do want to go and see it one day (see the real

America

as I don’t think that LA really counts).Then when it got dark I watched movies and tried to sleep.

Sadly Air NZ doesn’t quite understand veganism as my meal came with an Oats ‘N HONEY. I should send them an email to point out the error of their ways…

The flight arrived early but then we ended up circling until we landed right on time. I did see a stadium (no idea which one) and what was quite possibly the Millennium Dome so it was like a free sightseeing excursion around the hold pattern.

Giselle met me at Heathrow and even gave me an Oyster card to use on public transport here.

We caught the tube, and then walked to her flat, where I pretty much holed myself up for the first week.

Yes I found myself in big exciting

London

and instead of enjoying it I was just stressing out.

I look at Giselle and she just seems to have it so much easier. She arrived with her boyfriend while I am doing this alone. She stayed with Ayla and then a relative of her boyfriend before she found a flat (Giselle gave me a 1 week limit on her couch). The flat she found is very nice and her room is a nice double attic room with ensuite that she of course shares (and thus splits the costs with) her boyfriend.

They were looking for a new flatmate when I was there and I heard them bitching about the candidates after they left. They rejected one guy because he didn’t have any friends and all I could think was that I don’t know anyone here, and this is so gonna be me soon. Ugh! Stress stress!

Giselle seems to have walked right into a good job while I worry about even getting one. Then of course if I do manage to get one it probably won’t pay well, it doesn’t help that Giselle has been telling me how I won’t be able to live on minimum wage…

So yep I have been like a limp soggy disheartened dishtowel.  I know I should be out going wow its

London

instead of inside moping but I have just been in such a mood. Maybe it’s the weather. I could have SAD as its pretty grey and it gets dark so early here!

Although I do have to admit that so far it’s not as cold as I feared it would be. I actually find myself getting rather hot. In

Australia

you go outside and get hot and then go inside and there is air conditioning to help cool you down, here you go outside and walk around and get hot and then when you go inside there is central heating. Thus I just end up an even hotter sweaty mess.

I shall leave you now with that glorious image.

Homeland holiday

So I went back to good old kiwiland for a quick trip to see the family and pick up some warm clothes. NZ hasn’t changed much, I did have to look at the money as it was quite unfamiliar (they came out with new coins just before I left) and now they have freeview TV which I didn’t know about at all, but that didn’t stop Lady from trying to get me to tune her’s in for her!

Anyway I arrived via Hamilton airport at 11.30pm and Lady and her boyfriend were nice enough to stay up late and come pick me up.

When we ventured into Hamilton during daylight hours I went to a great Chinese vegetarian buffet place where they charge you by weighing your plate. So yummy and I even got some packages of fake meat.

Flew down to Wellington with Lady and took a really cool photo of the planes shadow with a rainbow around it.

The trip to Welly was to see the rest of the family (plus I had a nice lunch to catch up with the big banana). Well my Dad wasn’t there as he is in Malaysia and Ayla was only there part of the time as she was going on holiday to Rarotonga, suddenly my family have turned into a bunch of jetsetters!

I finally got to meet my niece and saw my nephew for the first time since he was 6months old and puked on my new t-shirt. He is now 2.5 years old and didn’t puke on me!

Both kids are actually pretty cute. But they are troublesome to travel with. For example one day we went into the city centre and were going to go to Te Papa (the museum) but ran out of time as the child needed a nap. Not that I was worried as I have been there before and we did go to Midnight Expresso where I had the superfab vegan hashstack (and then got some takeaways for later from Auntie Mena’s) so it wasn’t a wasted trip.

Encouraging news is that my nephew liked devil duckie (the corruption has begun…). He likes the colours red and orange so Tulip will actually use food colouring to give him orange bathwater. Devil duckie liked it too.

I bought a lotto ticket just like everyone else in the country since powerball had reached $30 million and had to be won. And I won!

I guess I should have specified that I wanted to win first division powerball not sixth...

But $70 is better than nothing, I’m still a winner!

Hooray for Hippies!

I visited Eggy and not only was it wonderful to see my friend but the area that she lives in is pretty cool too.

Her fab location is in northern NSW. It’s in the heart of hippieland and thus full of much veggie food goodness.

A lot of the time I just hung out at Eggy’s house while she was at work but it was nice and relaxing. I had her dog for company who is very cute but admittedly he has issues (he is a fuzzy wuzzy landmine) and is not too social. But he didn’t try to make a meal of me and actually came out of his under the bed lair, wanting to hang out with me just before I left.

Eggy and I did go on some trips to local towns on her days off.

We went to Nimbin, which was on my list of places to go since it’s famous as an alternative town, well yeah mostly it’s famous for the drugs. It’s the marijuana capital of Australia. Of course I was offered drugs on the street but as the drug dealer wasn’t wearing tie dyed clothes I did not partake in a purchase as it wasn’t authentic enough for me.

We went to the local museum which was very groovy and perused the extensive collection of drug related paraphernalia in the local shops.

Another day, another town. This one was Byron Bay which is favoured by backpackers. Eggy and I didn’t plan the trip to well and spend most of our time searching for a veggie restaurant.

We did finally eat at one and then went to the beach. I saw a guy making a very impressive sand castle (I so want to try that). And took photos of the lighthouse.

We then resumed our random searching, this time our target was a vet or pet shop to get some stuff for the dog.

That task achieved we headed home satisfied.

On a Sunday we went to the Channon market, this is only on once a month and Eggy thought it was the 3^rd Sunday but luckily she was wrong and it was on when I was there. I loved the market as I could have quite happily spent a day just eating my way around the market. There were so many vegetarian/vegan friendly stalls it was a joy.

Eggy is so spoilt for choice with the various veg options in her area.

It makes me want to move to that area when I go back to Australia.

On my last day in Australia we went out for lunch at a café near Eggy’s house and then had lunch at a vegetarian café in a nearby town on the way to the airport. Eggy even bought me a copy of a vegan magazine to read on the plane.

My flight was the first of my series of flights on Air New Zealand (I’m so patriotic). I had been wearing many layers of clothes and carrying an extra jersey with me as they weighed my bag but no what I was wearing (my bags were 21.9kg and the limit was 20kg but they didn’t charge me extra) I actually ended up wearing the jersey as the flight was quite cold!

I watched a movie about Angus, thongs and snogging. I had ordered a vegan meal but the banana cake had egg in it and I have doubts that the sauce in the meal was dairy free (the meal was definitely supposed to be a dairy free vegetarian at least!).

I had issues when I went to fill in my arrival card and my pen decided instead to leak great big drips of ink all over where I was supposed to write. I asked the flight attendant if I could have a new card and borrow a pen. She gave me a pen but not new card. So I kept the pen and grabbed a card when I got to the immigration line. Filled it out in the line which actually moved quite quickly so I had to let people behind me go ahead so I could finish filling it out.

It worked out and they were nice enough to let me back into my home country. Plus Lady was nice enough to pick me up from the airport.

Phone home

Since my only phone is a mobile I have discovered the cost-effective combination of payphones and calling cards.

They are great! It’s like half a cent a minute to call NZ and the UK. Ok so I do like to have a nice long chat to the family and friends. Even considered taking my own seat…

But I was pretty upset when I was on the phone to Tulip and a guy actually yelled at me to get off the phone. How rude is that? It was a middle aged guy and Tulip reckoned it was just a middle aged jerk sense of entitlement.

I told him where to go much nicer than he deserved. I should have just pointed out the two free payphones within close proximity and told him to pick one and fuck off. I don’t know why he needed the specific one that I was on. When I could clearly see that another payphone was free (the other was around the corner but I bet it was free too and he was just a dumbass).

I mean really some people!

Even when one phone was broken (I reported it and its fixed now) and the other two were being used I didn’t yell at the people to get off. I just patiently waited my turn.

One of the payphones is very badly located as it is outside an apartment block with popup sprinklers. A fact I only discovered when I found myself suddenly drenched from the knees down with no escape, while on the phone to lady. (well I needed a shower anyway).

But as it was pouring with rain on this day I don’t think a few sprays from a sprinkler would make any difference.

I managed to call Giselle the other night (the planets must have been aligned). It’s usually pretty hard to get her due to the time difference between here and London.

Giselle told me that she saved around $15000 before she went over there. I have almost that much and my money is in Australian dollars which are worth more than paltry New Zealand dollars.

But then I factor in that she no doubt has a higher paying job than I could get there and she went on the highly skilled migrant visa which means that she can work more than I will be able to on the working holiday visa that I will go on (I’m not highly skilled and I would rather holiday!) thus I must keep saving…

I have also asked Ayla how much she took when she went over. She told me that she took money out of her mortgage (something she wasn’t supposed to have either) and made it look like she had the available funds needed for the visa (about 2000 pounds I think) and then she put the money back in the mortgage and flew off to the other side of the world. So she pretty much went with nothing and a big debt she was still paying off back home.

But she has a highly paid profession too.

Plus both sister’s went over with there boyfriends so it is not like they were alone over there and there must be some economies of scale savings to be had (can you tell I did economics in high school?).

I asked Giselle if she was going to marry her boyfriend so she could stay longer as he went on a British ancestry visa just like Ayla’s now husband and I see history repeating…

I guess I could remind the big banana that he said he would marry me but as I hear that you only get one chance to marry and give citizenship there and they allow gay marriage now so that reduces my chances…

Good breeding

My sister Ayla had a baby girl.

So now I have a niece and a nephew.

The photos of them as newborns look exactly the same.

We have strong chinky genes!

I don’t have to reproduce to see what a child of mine would look like.

Which is good as I would rather have a life than create new ones!

I can’t afford kids (the round the clock nannies would be the biggest expense) and I would rather spend my money on me!

Tulip’s son turns one really soon. I wanted to get him the dingo snack shirt.

But I just can’t justify spending that much on a shirt that will get shit on it and be outgrown quickly.

Not as good but still amusing is this shirt.

Yes I’m going for a dingo theme and I do like this image.

So anyway now 2/3 of my sisters have bred and the other is designated breeder so must do so at some point.

I am not jealous of the breeding but of the fact that they have each got a man and they are loved.

I found a website that if we believe what they say I will not find a man as I am a western bitch.

The site is nomarriage.com.

It advises guys that western women are nagging fat lazy selfish parasites who want to take them for all they have and that they should marry submissive foreign women. If you disagree with this then you are a feminazi. Its sad that there are still people that think this way.

Oh dear I don’t think I qualify as a good little woman to them even with my chinky looks.

Not that I would want a misogynistic asshole like they are anyway, and someone please just shoot me if I get that desperate.

Date. Mate. Hate. Fate?

Omg hell must have frozen over. Swarms of pigs must be flying overhead.

I have met someone.

It’s such a weird experience for me.

Met him at work. He kept coming in. so I was like you just keep coming in here to see me. And he gave me his phone number.

It was well timed as I was just about to have a pity party for one about the fact that Giselle is moving in with her boyfriend and that officially makes me the last single sister.

He has the same first name as Ayla’s husband. Is younger than me like Giselle’s boyfriend and is the same nationality as Tulip’s babydaddy.

I shall call him Flipper.

It is odd for me and I don’t know how people do the relationship thing.

I find myself obsessing about every little detail. Reading too much into everything; over analysing. Wondering when I will be dumped…

I found out that he has only had sex once. Yes I have managed to find someone even more inexperienced than I am!

He told me how his ex turned out to have multiple personalities. I thought this was hilarious, he attracts bigger freaks than I do!

He is so sweet and innocent. I like to make him blush and I so want to corrupt him.

Of course being me it is not smooth sailing, He has now told me he wants to be friends.

I resisted the urge to tell him I have enough friends and need a lover.

And no the term friends with benefits did not pass my sweet unkissed lips.

I am used to guys not wanting to kiss me. I hate it as it brings back memories of past bitter experiences.

Ah so I guess I won’t be changing my incel status anytime soon.

Another weird thing was that Hot Dutch Guy was online the other night. It was Strange timing indeed.

I hadn’t chatted to him in ages.

He claimed that he had missed me and that’s why he came online then.

He was like I thought you were gonna move to the Netherlands and I was like you didn’t seem that interested!

I wonder if he would kiss me….

Bad thought naughty!

Well off to take a cold shower…

The bitch is back

Yes I am back in business. Back to bitching blogging!

Sorry I have been so slack about blogging, I know my whole 2 readers were lost without me.

So my trip was outstandingly good. We didn’t make it to Hong Kong and

China

because dad left it too late to book and forgot about some national holiday that would make it way busy. But I loved

Malaysia

and as well as KL we went to

Tioman

Island

and

Penang

.

Penang

is on my list of 1000 places and I went up Penang Hill like a good little tourist.

My uncle and aunt are really nice and even the granny isn’t as bad as I had been led to believe. They have a maid. I had to drag myself back to NZ I swear. Oh I miss her already. She washed my clothes, cooked yummy vegan food and even gave massages!

I met my dad’s cousin and her daughter (my second cousin?) who looks like me. Yes more than one of me. Be afraid be very afraid!

Actually I have so many relatives I couldn’t keep track of them. It doesn’t help that my great grandfather had four wives. I so need to see a family tree to try and make sense of it all.

The food was so good. I tried lots of tropical fruits. I didn’t like starfruit but dragonfruit and jackfruit are good. I didn’t get to try durian because dad said that I shouldn’t have it unless it was a perfect fruit and it wasn’t the right season.

The maid knew that I loved the satay sauce she made so she made it for me all the time. I liked it with veggies, tofu and rice.

The vegetarian restaurants were excellent. One had stuff already cooked and you just picked what you wanted. I loved the chicken drumsticks that were tofu wrapped around a popsicle stick and the fake pork steamed buns.

The other restaurant had a menu with items like peking duck, lemon chicken and roast pork and it was all fake. So delicious!

The meals on the plane were good but the ones going over were nicer so I guess NZ catering is better. The breakfast on the way back included a yogurt and it was supposed to be dairyfree so I guess I will have to give it a bad review at airline meals.

The shopping was great.

The malls there are so huge! Most of them I couldn’t get around them all. But I like that the stores that sell massage chairs are common so you can go and try them out after shopping to recover. Almost as good as selling new legs.

The markets are so much fun. I liked the night markets in

Penang

the best. I didn’t think I was too good at bargaining but I did get some good deals and by the end I had picked up the maid’s way of saying

lima

ringgit (5 dollar).

Man it wasn’t easy to get back into blogging mode

I might have to write more as I remember

For now I will update my 43things.

Pass the Smelling Salts. I'm having the vapours

Oh the shock. My parents are filthy whores.

Awhile ago my dad told me (and his girlfriend) that he had gone to Hawkes Bay for work. Then the other day Lady told me that dad had told her that he had actually gone to Fiji with his female friend. Oh so scandalous!

Then I found out that the dirty little minx Lady has got herself a man. she told me she met him on the street and I was like ‘for two dollar?’.

The skanky trollop seduced a married man no less! Says he is in the process of leaving his wife. I was like yeah they all say that and that his wife ‘just doesn’t understand me’. I pointed out that if he would leave his wife then he would leave her for someone else. She didn’t care, was just like if he wants to go he can go.

So yeah I am the offspring of a homewrecking hussy and a cheating Casanova! I wonder if I will inherit the saucy slutty strumpet traits and become a wild wanton wench.

Well ok really I think that these things are more character behaviours and I don’t feel comfortable with them so it’s not like I shall become that which I abhor.

Nah I think I can avoid inheriting this unlike my high cholesterol levels!

The blood test where I fainted tested this and they said the results were ok but really they are on the high side, above what they should be but not of concern yet.

The thing is that I am a vegan and I go to the gym. So I think that my levels would really be terrible but are only just ok because of my lifestyle choices. High cholesterol is on both sides of the family so seems inevitable for me no matter what I do. Is it better to be a heart patient rather than a heartbreaker?

Breeder brigade

So I talked to Lady today and got the goss on my older sister. Hmm I need a name for her. I think I will call her Ayla like from The Clan of the Cave Bear books. We both liked the books and the character seems to be a Mary Sue and my older sister is a bit of a goody goody little miss perfect.

Anyway the goss is the Ayla has gotten herself knocked up.

This is rather surprising as I had thought she was childless by choice.

I still remember how me, Tulip and Ayla all said to Lady don’t look at me for grandchildren. And another time Ayla said that she didn’t want a baby as it has to come out of you.

Well ok not the first time she has done something she previously has shown distaste for. She and her boyfriend lived together for years. Bought a house together and then decided to do the London OE thing. They were always marriage? Yuck no!

Then they realised that since her boyfriend has British grandparents if they got married then she would be able to stay longer. So the next thing ya know they are engaged and came back for their wedding.

The pregnancy was planned and she is due in April. Tulip’s baby was born last April. When did my family become such a bunch of breeders???

I guess I should discuss with Giselle which one of us is gonna have a baby in April 2008.

Well not until Ayla has told her about her baby. Its still top secret now so ya all gotta keep your mouths shut ok?

I haven’t talked to Ayla yet but as soon as I do I will discuss with her the most important issue.

The name! I am a name nerd. I hate bad made up names (yeah I may be breaking my own rules with Ayla but codenames don’t count ok!). I hate the horrid tryndee glitter spark’lee names like Nevaeh or McSparkalyn. Stripper names like Exstacy Dreams and the manly kinda names they give their sons to try and avoid them catching teh gay like Cutter and Gunner. I try to tell myself that celebrities just tell the media they have named their child something like Pilot Inspecktor, Audio Science or Bluebell Madonna but have in reality put a decent name on their child’s birth certificate.

Yeah I spend a lot of time at the baby’s named a bad bad thing site.