Great Adventures of a Green Goddess

Glad to be a gadfly

A train took me and my penis posse to Alexandria the Egyptian city with the most history and lest to show for it, well the guidebook said something along those lines.

Most loved by me and the boys was a fast food place named Gad, so named because people flock to it like gad flies.  It was so inexpensive and awesomely delicious. The guys would send me on a gad run and I loved it. Give me 4 falafel, 3 hummus, 2 baba ganoush and 1 fuul etc. It comes in bread and is super cheap!

The only bad thing about a gad run was getting back to our hotel room as we were staying at a place on the fifth floor with a dodgy old lift that only sometimes deigned me worthy to open its creaky old fashioned door and enter the teeny tiny little car. Once up on the fifth floor our room had a balcony and I could see the sea from it.

While in town we walked along the cornice, past a mosque and a rubbish beach to the Citadel of Qait Bey which is a fort where the Tower of Pharos used to stand. The lighthouse was one of the seven wonders of the ancient world but came to its downfall via earthquake. The citadel actually has stones from the tower in it.

The entrance fee for the fort was 25 Egyptian pounds but I only had 24 on me so the guy at the ticket office was like well give me 20LE so I did and he gave me a student ticket which sold for 15LE. I didn’t get challenged on being a student so I guess it was all good.

The citadel is awesome, just like a castle should look! Plus it even has a model of itself inside, which always makes me happy.

We went to the Roman Catacombs, Kom-el-Shuqqafa. At ground level it is not very impressive. When we arrived The Brazilian was like ‘is this it? It’s rather disappointing’. He changed his mind when we went down below ground where the underground crypts are. You go down a circular staircase. Winding our way down to the dead (well ok no bodies are there now). The catacombs were found when a donkey fell down into them. A local guy was amused when I asked about the fate of the poor donkey and was sad as apparently he didn’t survive.

The underground area is huge and has some cool decorations (Roman and Egyptian).

We went to another site something to do with pillars, peeked in the gate and decided it didn’t look worth the cost of admission. So in an Ali G wannabee’s taxi we went to the library.

The library or Bibliotheca Alexandrina is pretty awesome. I was lucky back in NZ to have the Palmy library as my local and this one is stunningly designed too. Actually this is even more impressive as Palmy’s doesn’t have a death star!

We had to put our names down for the tour, The Gherkin did it and came back to tell us that when they asked where we were from he said America, Australia and Argentina.  It is amusing how each of our respective countries’ archrival’s start with the same letter.

The library tour showed us how architecturally fabulous it is. We then looked at the Alexandria gallery as I wanted to see if there were any pictures of how the Tower of Pharos would have been. There was a drawing but it didn’t even match the description of the lighthouse! Damn artistic license, I wanted to know what it would really have looked like.  

Nevermind we just went for another gadfest feast at our fave fast food place and all was fab.

Cairo Capers

I was feeling much better after my horrid first day in Egypt and we started the second day with the free hostel breakfast. It was pretty good, tasty fava beans which even came with a fresh lime wedge to squeeze on them. There was also bread and fig jam that just made me giggle and go look guys its figjam! Then we went to The Egyptian Museum of Antiquities. They are serious about no cameras there and we had to check them in before entering. So I only got a few photos outside where they do have a few statues and a nice pond with Lilly pads that I had to put devil duckie in.

Inside the museum is amazing! So many thousands of years of history! From trying to see the remains of a queen’s internal organs in their canopic jars to being blown away at the opulence of the treasures of King Tutankhamen, the place is awesome.

We paid the extra money to see the royal mummy rooms. I was like well it does cost more but I will remember the mummies more than most anything else I could spend the money on. Oh yes they will haunt my nightmares, as it was very creepy. The weird thing is that one of the queens actually has a strong resemblance to Whoopi Goldberg!

I lost the guys wandering around the antiquities. But when I was on the upper level and looking down over the railing I saw the guys down by the entrance.

So I asked a nearby guard the quickest way down, his accurate but not quite helpful reply was ‘jump’!

Wanting to get down quickly but not wanting to break myself in the process I took the second quickest option of the closest stairs that the guard rather more helpfully directed me to.

When I got down there the guys were gone however, so I sat and waited for them. They showed up again and I went to the loo.

In the ladies room there was a sign saying no tips. So when the bathroom attendant (who I suspect just came in to hang out for the day and request tips) asked for baksheesh I gave my best innocent look and pointed to the sign asking why it said to give no tips. I was told ok you can go and directed to the door.

On the way back to the hostel we made the mistake of taking the rush hour metro. It was seriously busy, like those pictures of the Japanese subway but without the official people pushers.

We each had a different experience. The Gherkin fell down between the train and the platform (all those mind the gap messages on the tube mustn’t have sunk in when he was in London). People just grabbed him, pulled him up and kept pushing him onto the train. The Brazilian could pass for a local so someone got upset that he didn’t respond when he was spoken to in Arabic, but when it became apparent he didn’t speak the language it was all ok. My own experience was being groped. I know we were crammed in there but his hand did not need to be there! Oh well it was the most action I’ve had since Gatwick security...

 

The next day was the pyramids! We hired a car and driver for the day, the Brazilian is a brilliant negotiator and got us a great price (one dodgy local said I could go for free if I went without the guys, yeah no thanks!). when people asked how much we paid and we told them they were amazed at how low the price was and said the car would be really old and unreliable. But it was actually quite nice. 

We went to the great pyramids of Giza first, they did try to drop us off by the stables but we weren’t going for that and got dropped off near the main entrance.

I had thought that the pyramids would be out in the desert but they are actually right on the edge of the city. Apparently they used to be isolated but the city grew out to them.

It was a bit hazy when we first arrived. So first we went into The Great Pyramid. It is the oldest and largest of the Giza pyramids, built for Khufu/Cheops it is the only remaining wonder of the seven wonders of the ancient world. Incredible to be inside such a structure but it is hot and not a place for claustrophobics and those that don’t like climbing many many steps. Inside I saw a chamber containing a red granite sarcophagus so if all the climbing kills you don’t worry there is a place for your body!

Back outside I lost the guys again (yeah it’s becoming a trend). So I wandered alone being a target for touts. They were offering rides on camels and horses as well as selling souvenirs.

I had a guy ask for my ticket, I was like do you work here? Why aren’t you in uniform? Can I see some ID? He was 'its ok, maybe later you ride camel or horse'. I told him to bite me!

Even the tourist police are in on the game, taking photos of tourists and then requesting tips. Its always baksheesh, baksheesh…

I had one tourist police officer show me around the last pyramid and take photos of me in all of the tacky tourist poses. Well it has to be done…

Afterwards he requested a tip so I gave him an Egyptian pound. I didn’t think I should sass him since he was holding a machine gun!

I then headed for The Sphinx. On the way I had one very persistent seller of souvenirs try the here have this as a gift trick on me. He followed me as I walked saying that he wanted to give me wherever he was flogging as a gift. I said no thanks but he still hung the item (I think it was a scarf) over my arm saying you no pay it gift and then demanded baksheesh. I just said I wasn’t going to give him anything so he might want to retrieve his item. He snatched it back and took off in a huff to find a more willing victim pretty damn quick. I kind of wish I had tried to keep it while claiming that my giving baksheesh would have been an insult to his generous gift etc, be fun to see how that played out mwahaha

I found the guys again near The Sphinx. We took photos (it really is smaller than you’d think) and then went to meet our car.

The next stop was Saqqara which has the Step Pyramid, the oldest pyramid. The place was so lovely and uncrowded. We wandered around the site without being bothered and saw some excellent hieroglyphics.

At Memphis we went to the open air museum. The highlights of this are the giant statues of Ramses II and the Sphinx.

Our last stop was at Dahshur where we went into the Red Pyramid. It is a bit of a climb up to the entrance and then it was a long way down the steep shaft. At the bottom there was a room with wooden stairs. I didn’t go up them as it smelt bad.

Back in Cairo we went for a walk to find food and I saw this (The photo isn’t too good as the place was closed and I took the picture through the glass door) yes grilled Viagra! Yummy.

Redeyes

Ok so the Brazilian already had a flight booked out of Morocco and suggested that the Gherkin and I come along.

We had originally thought that both of us would just get a ferry back to Spain, I wanted to see Gibraltar, more of Spain and then Portugal and The Gherkin was planning on splitting up with me to go and see other European destinations.

But when the Brazilian suggested we come to the Middle East with him we were like ok why not sounds like fun. Yes the randomness just keeps getting more random. But he said it was cheap and I had to admit that Egypt was much higher on my list of must see places than Portugal.

We did try to book a flight that morning via the internet but the website would not accept our cards. The Brazilian already had a train ticket as well so we had to leave the net café quickly to catch it.

Went by first class which is pretty cheap luxury and you are actually guaranteed a seat, to Casablanca station. I watched the bags while the guys bought tickets to the airport. I needed to used the bathroom but we didn’t have time as the train was due.

While on the platform waiting for the airport train we met the Korean guy from Fes again and it turned out he was on the same flight that we were trying to get on!

At the airport I really wanted a bathroom but the guys said we had to buy tickets first, an excellent plan. But I was how shall I put this delicately? Um…riding the cotton pony this week and wanted to attend to the red tide. The downside of travelling with guys is that they just don’t understand such issues! Well unless you spell it out to them in the middle of a crowded airport terminal…

Ok so back to the procurement of airline tickets for imminent travel. We went to the office of Royal Air Maroc who are agents for Egyptair as well and asked about buying tickets. The woman I spoke to told me that the Royal Air Maroc flight was closed and I couldn’t get tickets on the Egyptair until 10pm.

So we wandered around the airport trying to find a solution, there was no wifi and the guys even got me to go and try and sweet talk a guy in a electronic shop but he didn’t have net access either.

So we went to a café to eat and wait.

The Korean ran a travel company and was travelling to research, so he gave us some travel advice and told us that the countries we should see before they change are Tibet, Laos and Myanmar. According to him Vietnam has already changed and we should go in the next 3-5 years before the people change due to all the tourists.

So after waiting and chatting the Brazilian and the Korean went to the check in counter for the flight since it had opened and they had tickets. It was then that they found out that we could get tickets from the Royal Air Maroc office we had already been to!

So back we went where we saw a different woman who had no problems with selling us tickets on the Egyptair flight.

It was spendy to be so spontaneous but I got a return ticket from Casablanca to Cairo. As it was cheaper to get a return ticket than a one way!

So with tickets in hand and a sigh of relief, off we went to check in.

In the gift shop airside I found a magnet to buy since I do like to collect a magnet from each country I go to (I’ve missed some so will have to go back to those countries). Then we changed money to us$, checked out the food airside and fed the resident mosquito population.

The redeye flight left at 11.30pm and there were no suicidal Egyptair pilots this time. I got a window seat and giggled at the name of the inflight magazine. There were 2 guys in my row but they moved so I had a row to myself, sweet!

There was a meal served on the flight but the random last minute method of buying a ticket means you can’t request a vegan meal.

So I had to make do with the roll and salad that came with the regular meal. The flight attendant tried to wake The Gherkin who was in the row behind me and I had to tell him it wasn’t gonna work coz he was all drugged up. The Korean guy had given The Gherkin some sleeping pills so he was totally out for the whole flight.

I tried to watch the movie Bride Wars but the pop down screens sucked, all blurry and greenish. So I just listened to it while trying to sleep (all stretched out over my whole row with all the blankets and pillows) and when I woke up it was finished.

On arrival at Cairo airport we lined up at immigration and then found out we had to go to a separate line and pay us$15 for a sticker then go back to the original line and have them put it in our passport. But at least it was a nice and shiny visa so it made me happy.

Said goodbye to the Korean guy and got a taxi to the centre of the city, Cairo is huge! And downtown is dirty, crowded and drippy from air conditioners above the streets.

We went to a net café to scope out accommodation options and the guys decided that we should go to the YHA hostel. Hey it worked out well for us in Meknes!

So we took the subway/metro where a young boy was all ‘hey baby’ suggestive eyebrows and all at me, I was shocked! Sheesh do I look like a paedophile or something?

We got to our stop and then started walking. Traffic in Cairo is unpleasantly busy to say the least. I love the advice for crossing the street provided in the lonely planet guidebook: try to use a local as a human shield!

So as we went to cross a particularly busy street The Gherkin punched me on the shoulder I don’t know why but of course it annoyed me a lot. The guys then darted in front of oncoming traffic. I was a little behind them at that point so I knew that I couldn’t make it (wasn’t in the mood to throw myself in front of a bus, The Gherkin yes but not me).

When I finally got across the road they were way ahead of me and I couldn’t see them.

I thought that they would realise that I am in fact not psychic and thus if they decided to change direction they would have to tell me.

So I kept walking straight thinking that I would catch up to them eventually.

I realised the error of this plan when I reached an intersection on the street with no clue as to which direction to go.

I hung around it hoping the guys would realise I was missing and I dunno, maybe think ‘hey maybe she can’t read our minds?’ And come find me.

When that didn’t happen I was quite upset, very pissed of that I was abandoned alone in a possibly dodgy area of a big unfamiliar city. I walked back and forth looking for the guys. I asked some people on the street if they knew where the hostel was (hey the men were staring at me anyway) but they didn’t and the guys had the book with all details on finding it. I had nothing but my wits to get me there. So yeah I knew I was screwed!

I was saved myself by walking a couple of blocks over and asking someone else. Amazingly they knew the place and it wasn’t too far away.

I arrived at the hostel as the guys were walking back down to the reception after looking at rooms. They said that they were going to get a room and drop off their stuff before trying to find me. Reasonable I guess but I was still feeling very upset and kept thinking that I had made a huge mistake in coming to Cairo and couldn’t stop crying.

The hostel had a stupid rule that I wasn’t allowed to share the room with the guys. Apparently despite that fact that The Gherkin is totally gay and the Brazilian has a girlfriend they thought we would be having spit roasts in there or something how silly!

So I got a bed in the girls’ dorm and off I went with all my stuff up the grand staircase with the guys. They had no problem getting to their room but I couldn’t find mine. I had a key but it had numbers of both sides of the keychain that each looked like a different number. So I searched for both numbers near the guys room, I went up to the next floor and searched some more, I came back downstairs and asked a couple of guys if they knew where it was. They tried to help but just kept looking where I had already been.

In the end I got really fed up, sat down on a handy nearby seat and declared that I wasn’t moving (there were many tears).

The guys realised I had completely had it and went to the reception area for me. They found out that my room wasn’t in the main area up the big staircase, but was up some hidden back stairs past the dining room. I bitched that I should have guessed that my room would be in such a spot banished away up the back in a country where women are considered second class citizens.

So I found the girls dorm and claimed a bed. The final frustration was when I found that the key was stuck in the lock. It was the last straw and I swore loudly, slammed the door and retreated to my bed to collapse and cry until my eyes were swollen, red and sore.

Friends and Fries

In Al Jedida I thought that we would get off the bus at a bus station, but The Gherkin was like this is it. Off we got beside a service station by a roundabout. I guess I shouldn’t expect to go to a luxurious place such as a bus station when the bus we were on was pretty damn close to a chicken bus. There were no live chickens on it but I wouldn’t have been surprised if there were. It was old it was crowded and it was supposed to take 4 hours but took 6 ½ long slow cramped hours.

Getting off I felt quite lost as there was only a creepy guy who would grab us wanting money. Yeah not the way to get me to cough up any cash. I was just like erk what kind of place am I in???

We walked in a random direction and found the bus station and then a nearby hotel.

We did try to find the sea but with an obviously impaired sense of direction we never came across it. We did find a supermarket with the most amusingly named Pringles type chips named Kracks. Yes I want to eat some Kracks. Don’t you want to taste some Kracks too?

 

The next day we caught a bus to Casablanca. It sounds so romantic but I have never seen the film (that wasn’t even shot there anyway). We went to an information centre to see what there was to do there and got talked into taking a tour.

We went to the mosque the next morning, obviously looking like fresh off the boat tourists since a taxi driver tried to get our business offering us the low low price of 10 Euros! As if!!

The Gherkin went for the mosque tour but I wasn’t that interested so I watched our bags and read my book (before and after) in the shade.

The Gherkin returned and we met our tour guide. He was a nice old fellow named Lucky.

The tour consisted of seeing:

• A spot to take photos with the mosque in the background across the water.

• The rich area, apparently the Beverly Hills of Casablanca!

• A church with some very impressive stained glass walls.

• Some government buildings to see the architecture

• Driving past the fountain, I took a sneaky free photo of a water bearer

• A souk that had a lot of olives

The guide gave us each:

• A Casablanca postcard

• A keychain

, The Gherkin’s was blue and mine was a shoe

 

At the end of the tour we were dropped off at the station to catch a train to Rabat.

It was a nice new train but when the Gherkin jumped off the train and I followed we found out that we were at the wrong station!

There are two and we got off at the first one instead of the second. So we decided to have some food at the station café. We ordered and didn’t get any food so ordered again. The Gherkin got his food but I didn’t get mine. So I tried to ask the waiter for my fries again. But the fries Nazi waiter had decided that there would be no fries for me! I was most upset and gave the chips czar the evil eye, I hope its international the Gherkin says the finger is but I wasn’t that brave.

I did ask why I couldn’t have fries, they were on the menu and the gherkin’s meal came with fries. But the waiter wouldn’t give an answer, I think he just didn’t know how to say “no fries for you”!

We got a taxi to the area we wanted to stay in (right near the other station of course).

At dinner I ordered cheeseless pizza and fries. The pizza arrived but no fries. It’s like the underground waiter network is conspiring to keep the fries from me. Damn you fries Nazi and your surprisingly long reach!

The Gherkin wanted to rest so I went for a walk alone.

I went to find the Hassan tower and mausoleum. It wasn’t as far as I thought it would be and as is my custom I met a random stranger on the way.

I was just past 1^st November square, where I ogled at the oddness of naming places after dates. The local guy was on the street and I was looking at my map and he asked if I needed help. I was just like that’s the mausoleum right? Where do I enter? So he walked with me and I got him to be my personal photographer.

He said he lived across the river in Salé and wanted to take me there but I do have my stranger following limits!

So we just walked along the waterfront to the Kasbah des Oudaias.

The nice strange man bought me a glass of the lovely Moroccan fresh squeezed orange juice. It got dark and we walked back to my hotel through the medina.

The guy was in the army and insisted on walking me to see the outside of the royal palace he guarded. It really wasn’t impressive from the outside and he wouldn’t sneak me in.

The next day the Gherkin was supposed to go sightseeing with me but he was in slacker mode and didn’t want to. I was glad I saw what I wanted to see the night before.

So we just got a train to Meknes. I got the tickets and just automatically got second class. So we were crowded in with our backpacks and no seats. It was a long game of sardines but I eventually got a seat in a compartment. The Gherkin had a longer game as he was stuck in the aisle the whole time.

Marrakech Express

Accommodation:

So we arrived in Marrakech Morocco after all night on a train. The Gherkin had a hotel recommendation but did not know how to find it. We found an internet café and tried Google maps, where they pretty much said yeah we haven’t the foggiest clue either, so don’t bother following us!

When wandering the streets didn’t work out, we found a taxi with a driver who said he knew the place and got him to drop us there.

The hotel caters for Moroccan travellers and was very basic but cheap. I let the Gherkin talk since he knows some French. We ended up in a room with one double bed. Local travellers have to show a marriage certificate before they can share a room. I ended up sharing a double bed with a very much unmarried gay boy!

We just got out our sleeping bags and shared the bed by using them on top of it.

The Gherkin who had expressed a deep hatred for my crocs nevertheless was willing to wear them in the dodgy hotel shared showers.

 

Food:

Walking around the market I saw a guy pulling a cart with vegetarian and vegan written on it. He spotted me staring and gave me a card for The Earth Café. We went there and it was great! Big meals with lots of fresh veggies.

I also loved eating in the centre of the place djemaa el- fna. At night the marketplace is full of food stalls and waiters try to get you to eat at their stall. The funniest moment involved the Gherkin pulling me away while a waiter yelled after us calling him a mamma’s boy! It doesn’t even make sense! But after that we avoided that stall and the Gherkin wouldn’t even walk near it.

Our favourite stall didn’t serve mint tea but others were offering it free if you ate there, so I said to our waiter hey they have free mint tea, what do you have? So he went to another stall and got me free mint tea! It is very nice and sweet, like the waiter!

But my main addiction was the fabulous fresh orange juice sold at carts around the square for 3 dirham. It was so good! I usually hate orange juice (I think it’s the preservatives that make it taste awful) but this is just lovely cold pure fresh squeezed juice. It’s so delicious I had to have at least 2 glasses a day.

 

Health:

The Gherkin got sick one day I think it was coming out of both ends of the unfortunate young boy. But it only lasted a day. The next day I got sick but I didn’t have it as bad, just felt a bit nauseous so I stayed in bed all morning and felt sorry for myself until I felt well enough to venture out that afternoon. I guess it was just our bodies adjusting to a new county and its new germs.

 

Beauty and Shopping:

We got henna tattoos done, I think we vastly overpaid but the Gherkin wanted to do it so I just went with it. It got it on my hands and he got a scorpion on his arm.

I bought some soap made from argan nut, I was glad I only went for soap and didn’t try eating the edible oil when I found out later that the oil comes from a nut that has come out the back end of a goat!

I bought some perfume because a glass bottle of liquid is a great thing to carry around when backpacking. At least I only got one bottle. The Gherkin got 2!

A merchant trying to sell me a shirt told me that I am worth 5000 camels, but I didn’t buy anything so I guess my value has dropped in his eyes.

Grand Granada

Day 1

So there I was in a bus station in Granada Spain. Risking Hypothermia by spending the night on the evil seats of perpetual discomfort. With the coldest hours before dawn upon my shivering body.

Ah a memory of my trip to cherish forever.

At around 7am we left the bus station in need of defrosting and real sleep.

We caught a bus into the city centre and went to find some accommodation. During out search we met a couple of English guys who were also looking for a place to stay. We followed them and it lead us to an oasis. The oasis backpackers. They offered us the free breakfast when we arrived and I napped on a couch while they checked if they had space for us.

They did and I had a lovely well needed hot shower and snooze.

At around 7pm I went for a walk with one of the guys we met in the morning.

We went up the cobblestoned lanes of the backstreets behind the hostel. It’s called El Albayzin and it was up hill but not too bad. Found a nice area with fountains and a play area.

Then went back down and I found an ATM that eventually worked for me. I was quite worried that I wouldn’t be able to get cash and be stranded with no money. But it worked! so feeling cashed up I wanted to find a supermarket. A nice random stranger from the street showed me the way.

Day 2

My little gherkin and I went for a walk around the streets of Granada. We went into a church and past the cathedral but I was more entertained by seeing a store named yellow rat bastard, it just has a lovely ring to it!

I needed a European plug adaptor and eventually found a hardware store to buy one at (they seem to be the cheapest place).

For food we got a whole bunch of veggies at a stall and then went to the supermarket for a sauce. They didn’t have any real stir-fry sauce so we just bought a random bottle and it was delicious!

Later went for food at El Piano, I remember previously seeing it when Happycow had listed it (they have a branch in the UK) but I never thought I would end up there. Funny how that works out. Anyway it is awesome. The food is served in little wooden boats and you pick 4 items for €3.

Day 3

We got up at 6.30am for the whole reason we came to Granada. La Alhambra! We had to get up before sparrow fart and walk up hill as quick as we could to hopefully get tickets. We lined up in the credit card line as we had been told it is faster. The gherkin was gonna use his as it is actually a credit card, but his doesn’t have a micro chip or pin so we ended up using my debit card. Thankfully it worked.

It was just after 8am when we got the tickets and we had a palace entry time of 9am so we went to find that first. It didn’t help that they don’t seem to give out maps there. Also not good was that it started raining, hard!

At least we were mostly covered inside the palace, it was amazing stuff. Big, old, ornate and historical. It has Moorish architecture with ponds, fountains, gardens and arches.

After the palace we went to the toilet block and hung out longer than we should’ve just because it was dry. There we ran into the guys from the hostel. So we continued our tour with them.

Saw lots of fortress (the Alcazaba), a church and the gardens (the Generalife) while the rain continued to pour down. I didn’t let that stop me from taking lots of photos.

We left at 2pm and as soon as we did the rain stopped, the clouds cleared and the sun came out. Typical!

We stopped for food at a Chinese place that since it was in Spain did tapas. It was pretty cool as I got a drink and some noodles for less than €2. They actually recommend doing a pub crawl for food here, excellent!

Day 4

Today was an easy day, mostly looked at the shops in the city. In a supermarket we came across something to amuse us. The funny item was bimbo brand bread. Hmm get some bimbo buns and combine with himbo hotdogs and you could have quite a satisfying meal…

Another thing I was entertained by were the questions on the tag that the hostel put on our bunk beds. Not sure that criminal history space is big enough…

It was a good hostel, met some good people too. My fave was a lovely Ivy League educated young man who bought me an avocado (I’m so easy for my fave fruit). The gherkin liked him because he asked him if he wanted to have sex with him (he wasn’t a fruit, just proving a point). And we (well ok not me) got merrily drunk.

Screw stranger danger!

So the secret society of vegans  is not that secret anymore. They have a market stall in Camden. I went there with a guy from the hostel I had freshly made friends with. I shall call him my little gherkin because he calls me Onion. This came about when we were in a market and I saw some huge onions and pointed them out, they were seriously big globes of tear producing vegetables. Anyway since then he has called me Onion and I just say yeah I have layers, like an ogre.

Anyway we were at the stall and I was shopping (got a vegan passport, and some sugary goodness snacks) told him that I would take him for some vegan food after and a couple of girls also at the stall invited us to go and get vegan ice-cream. How could we resist this invitation?  Who worries about stranger danger when there is vegan ice cream on offer? So we said ok lets follow some random strangers and got on a bus to Hackney.

It took awhile to get there, about an hour. So we had plenty of time to get to know the girls. They were both vegan and one had many tattoos declaring her beliefs. The other was too young for tats as she was only 16, but she had a necklace with a tattoo gun on it to make up for it. I’m betting she will have vegan tattooed on her wrist within moments of being legally allowed.

In Hackney we headed to the Pogo Café. It was full of many people who were happy to show their views on their skin. I felt quite bare with no tattoos on my body.

I had the burger that came with wedges and salad and then the reason for our journey, a vegan knickerbockers glory ice-cream. It was a suitably glorious a spectacular confection of layers of cream, custard, ice cream, syrup, chocolate, quite possibly the most fabulous thing ever! No knickerbockers in it at all but it was a hell of a lot of glory!

Nobody could argue about vegan missing out of great food if they have tasted this feast! It’s the kind of thing that stupid omnivores eat and then declare to be so good it can’t possibly really be vegan.

When my sweet tooth was satisfied (momentarily) we headed back to the bus. At the stop there was the disturbing sight of pigeons eating some abandoned fried chicken. It just seems a little too close to cannibalism to me. Just a random bit of freakiness on the day.

Anyway on the bus we sat up the top of the red double decker at the back talking about our fave Monty Python moments. We want to have a get together in the future to watch Monty Python and eat vegan food.

When we got back to Camden, we were gonna go our separate ways but then vegan cake was suggested. This is not an offer to be refused so off we trooped to inspiral lounge and more sweet treats. Eventually we rolled ourselves back to the hostel. We survived with our lives but possibly with some new tooth cavities to show for our sugary day with the strangers who are now friends.

 

Hooray for Hippies!

I visited Eggy and not only was it wonderful to see my friend but the area that she lives in is pretty cool too.

Her fab location is in northern NSW. It’s in the heart of hippieland and thus full of much veggie food goodness.

A lot of the time I just hung out at Eggy’s house while she was at work but it was nice and relaxing. I had her dog for company who is very cute but admittedly he has issues (he is a fuzzy wuzzy landmine) and is not too social. But he didn’t try to make a meal of me and actually came out of his under the bed lair, wanting to hang out with me just before I left.

Eggy and I did go on some trips to local towns on her days off.

We went to Nimbin, which was on my list of places to go since it’s famous as an alternative town, well yeah mostly it’s famous for the drugs. It’s the marijuana capital of Australia. Of course I was offered drugs on the street but as the drug dealer wasn’t wearing tie dyed clothes I did not partake in a purchase as it wasn’t authentic enough for me.

We went to the local museum which was very groovy and perused the extensive collection of drug related paraphernalia in the local shops.

Another day, another town. This one was Byron Bay which is favoured by backpackers. Eggy and I didn’t plan the trip to well and spend most of our time searching for a veggie restaurant.

We did finally eat at one and then went to the beach. I saw a guy making a very impressive sand castle (I so want to try that). And took photos of the lighthouse.

We then resumed our random searching, this time our target was a vet or pet shop to get some stuff for the dog.

That task achieved we headed home satisfied.

On a Sunday we went to the Channon market, this is only on once a month and Eggy thought it was the 3^rd Sunday but luckily she was wrong and it was on when I was there. I loved the market as I could have quite happily spent a day just eating my way around the market. There were so many vegetarian/vegan friendly stalls it was a joy.

Eggy is so spoilt for choice with the various veg options in her area.

It makes me want to move to that area when I go back to Australia.

On my last day in Australia we went out for lunch at a café near Eggy’s house and then had lunch at a vegetarian café in a nearby town on the way to the airport. Eggy even bought me a copy of a vegan magazine to read on the plane.

My flight was the first of my series of flights on Air New Zealand (I’m so patriotic). I had been wearing many layers of clothes and carrying an extra jersey with me as they weighed my bag but no what I was wearing (my bags were 21.9kg and the limit was 20kg but they didn’t charge me extra) I actually ended up wearing the jersey as the flight was quite cold!

I watched a movie about Angus, thongs and snogging. I had ordered a vegan meal but the banana cake had egg in it and I have doubts that the sauce in the meal was dairy free (the meal was definitely supposed to be a dairy free vegetarian at least!).

I had issues when I went to fill in my arrival card and my pen decided instead to leak great big drips of ink all over where I was supposed to write. I asked the flight attendant if I could have a new card and borrow a pen. She gave me a pen but not new card. So I kept the pen and grabbed a card when I got to the immigration line. Filled it out in the line which actually moved quite quickly so I had to let people behind me go ahead so I could finish filling it out.

It worked out and they were nice enough to let me back into my home country. Plus Lady was nice enough to pick me up from the airport.

Baked apple dumplings

Here is more of the proof that you can eat yummy food even if you are a freaky nutbar vegan.

This baked apple dumpling was stuffed with cinnamon, brown sugar and sultanas.

The perfect partner to the hot apple is the wonderful coolness of the vanilla soy ice cream.

I made this so that I could use both of my new wench wares. They are an apple corer and a pasty brush.

Yes I am such a good little woman that I am gradually obtaining a fully stocked kitchen of domestic implements.

Fillo filled with mushrooms, spinach and soy cream cheese

Bella had some fillo pastry in the freezer that she didn’t want. I think someone had given it to her, so she gave it to me.

It sat there in its frozen stasis state for many a month until I finally decided I should do something with it.

I like using spinach and soy cream cheese filling in lasagne so I decided to use that and add some mushrooms.

I found the fillo pastry had to work with as it tended to rip, maybe related to the fact that I pulled the box out of the freezer when I began my wenchly duties and then read that I was supposed to leave it to thaw in the box for two hours before use.

I was that fuck that! And pulled it out of the box and let it sit while I prepared the filling.

I used Bella’s oil spray. I did consider using a pastry brush to paint on the oil but I wanted one of those nice silicone ones and they supermarket had none.

I went with squarish packages and stuck em in the oven until a lovely golden brown.

The result was ok when I first tried it.

When I got home from work ravenously hungry and ate the leftovers straight from the fridge it was super delicious.