Great Adventures of a Green Goddess

Miss Saigon? I hardly left

A couple of cheap tours took me to see sights beyond Ho Chi Minh City.

My first trip from Saigon was a half day excursion to The Cu Chi Tunnels.

 

First stop on these kinds of tours is always to a handicapped handicrafts place.

The art mostly seemed to be made of inlaid eggshells lacquers, not so appealing to vegans. But I did like that one of the artworks was of an ANA airliner. The Lockheed L1011 Tri-Star is rather an old aircraft, is this an indication of how long this painstaking work takes?

 

The tunnels were used during the war by Viet Cong guerrillas for hiding and living.

At the site we watched a video and then the guide showed us around.

The secret tunnel entrances were tiny. But then I guess the Viet Cong tended to be small people.

 

The self made weapons gallery had a fascinating display of booby traps. They were varied in design but all were constructed to create pain and suffering on the cheap.

They had names such as folding chair trap, clipping armpit trap and see saw trap.

 

There were guns you could pay to shoot.

I assume that the targets didn’t look like American soldiers but I did not partake in the practise to find out definitively.

A woman showed how rice paper is made. I think she probably made it look much easier than it actually is.

 

Inside the actual tunnels was very dark and cramped. Not a place for claustrophobics.

I ended up in the lead of a small group and unable to see the people ahead of me. I didn’t know where I was going and everyone behind me seemed to think that I should.

Perhaps because I had pulled out my headlamp and put it on?

They said we should keep going straight but then when I did, they took a side exit and I had to back up my ass up to follow them out.

 

 

Trip two was to the Mekong Delta.

The Swedish girls had done the 3 day trip and said that the last day you didn’t see anything very interesting and then it was a long drive back to HCMC. So I took their advice and booked the 2 day trip.

 

Most people on my bus that morning were doing the 1 day trip.

After the requisite lacquer shop stop we took a boat to various stops.

We had honey tea. Or other people did and I was the weird vegan who didn’t want to drink bee puke.

They also had snake wine. I don’t know how having a corpse in it is supposed to improve it in any way.

 

Next up was a fruit tasting which good. I would have preferred it if they had durian so I could impress everyone by being the freak who likes the world’s smelliest fruit.

But they didn’t have any durian so I was just at my usual freakiness level.

 

We visited a factory that made coconut candy. It is wrapped in rice paper that dissolves in your mouth. I got some durian flavoured candy.

Freakiness level thus slightly elevated.

 

We all wore traditional conical hats during a boat ride in the little Vietnamese boats along a canal.  I just put the Vietnamese hat on top of the hat I was already wearing which I guess is a little on the freak side.

 

 

On the way to the hotel in the biggest city in the Mekong Delta the guide had told me that I had to pay extra as I would have to stay in a room alone.

I was like what if I find someone to share with?

So he gave me his business card. I gave him the extra $5 he requested.

We get to the hotel, wade on in (the streets were flooded) and sure enough I find an American girl who is also travelling alone and we agree to share a room.

So I borrowed the phone of the guide at the hotel and call the guy about getting a refund.

I don’t know why he gave me his card if he didn’t mean it but he tried to argue that there were no refunds!

I got the other guide to speak to him and he did then repeated the message that there were no refunds.

I simply borrowed the phone again and called the guide once more.

It took a total of three separate calls but he eventually admitted defeat and I got my cash back.

 

The American girl and I went to the restaurant closest to the hotel since we didn’t want to swim.

The Quan 31 menu was very interesting.

It had a chicken section but then a separate section named Bird. This does make you wonder what type of bird it would be...

 Frog also featured but far more disturbing was the fact that the menu also included both snake and rat.

There was a snake cage lined up against one wall in the dining area. I guess the rats were just caught as they ran thru the kitchen...

We went with the much safer and saner choice of tofu and veggies with rice.

 

The next morning we boarded a boat and went to the floating market.

Along the way we passed a petrol station boat. The kind of thing I guess makes sense but I had never considered the need for it to exist before.

At the market most of the boats there were bigger than I expected. These would display their wares on a pole.

Smaller boats pulled alongside us to sell cold drinks and coffee.

Our boat stopped alongside a larger one so we could climb aboard and buy fresh pineapple.

 

We went to a rice paper place that had lots of animals. Rabbits, pigs and puppies.

I was impressed by an iPhone shaped rear-view mirror on a motorcycle.

Yes it is the small things that impress the freakish minded.

 

Our tour took us on a long walk along a muddy track thru a tropical fruit farm. I didn’t like slipping around and perhaps I am too much of a prissy princess but I thought that if they were regularly bringing tourists thru then they should do something about the path.

 

The trip back to Saigon was on the back seat of a bus that lacked something in the suspension department. Like any at all.

Every bump would send us flying up into the air.

We did stop for lunch and for what the guides called the happy room and everyone else knows as the toilet.

But then we continued bouncing our way back to Saigon.

Submerging myself in Siem Reap

I caught the boat from Battambang to Siem Reap and we had to go out of town to get on the boat. Usually the problem is not enough water, ours was too much.

The boat was smaller than I expected and the trip was long but a nice way to see the floating villages along the way.

We sat in two lines inside the boat under a canopy, locals at the back and tourists at the front. I guess the locals knew what to expect as the water would splash me and the trees would swipe in at us.

 

We stopped once where we could buy food and use the loo. Peeking into a container we saw creatures I think were little baby crocodiles. Watch your fingers!

The locals would often get off the boat by having a small craft come up beside the boat and then paddle off after the transfer. After travelling the river for a few hours we crossed a large lake and then arrived at the dock.

 

Arriving the boat stopped and the annoying tuk tuk drivers jumped on. I was informed that I had to remember that this driver had seen me first. Apparently since he had talked to me first I was obligated to go with him. Screw that I do not reward being harassed!

A group of us joined forces to organise getting into town. Hired a couple of tuk tuks for the six of us. The drivers wanted more because the roads were flooded.

Turns out the roads were so flooded that the guys had to walk the deepest parts. Lucky me got to stay in the tuk tuk.

 

In Siem Reap we were dropped off outside the flooded old market area.

I was stubborn and refused to pay a dollar for another tuk tuk, instead I pulled off my sneakers, zipped off my pant legs and waded into the thigh high water.

The river had overflowed its banks and many locals were out playing in it.

I stayed at a hostel and I ended up being the only guest one night.

 

I had been planning to spend some time exploring Angkor Wat. There are one day, three day and seven day passes and they are expensive. I’d originally thought I would get a three day pass and do an in depth investigation of the archaeological area.

 But everyone I talked to said just do one day and then you will be all templed out. So I followed their advice and it was spot on.

 

I rented a tuk tuk for the day and the driver took me to the main sites. I saw five temples and in order they were:

 

1. Angkor Wat is the most famous temple (hey the whole area is known by this name). The one from all the photos. I climbed up some scarily steep stairs to the upper level. Going back down I had one had on the handrail and another on the step behind me. Then watched as another tourist practically skipped her way down.

       2. The next (I don’t recall the name) had a path of planks to crossing the water to enter and lion statutes guarded the front of the ruins. Beside them was a small green lake.

      3. Vines and trees grew on Ta Prohm a temple most famous for starring in Tomb Raider with Angelina Jolie. The combination of old stone and wood is very photogenic. It is like you are discovering the temples are they were found with the jungle claiming them.

        4. Ta Keo had a whole bunch of steps so I called it quits early.

       5. The last site Bayon has all the faces. It wasn’t as clearly signposted and I got lost finding my way to the top. Found my way by following some monks.  After a few photos I was done with the temples.

 

It really is a wonder of the world and if you were wondering the archaeological park actually had decent toilets (but when paying us$20 per day they should be). 

The touts were very persistent, especially the children who swarmed me selling books, jewellery and other trinkets. They would follow me like I was the pied piper, so watch out for that but it really was a great day out.

 

On the way back we stopped at the killing fields, I thought it would be an actual field but it was the courtyard of a temple with a display of very neatly stacked skeletons in a glass sided case.

 

 

Back in Siem Reap the main area had a vegetarian restaurant that was quite gourmet. Its name was Chamkar and its prices were high for Cambodia.  I treated myself and it was pretty good.

In the same area of the city the fish pedicure place had a sign advising that they had no piranhas which was surely a relief considering that if got loose the flood ravaged town was their oyster.

 

I waded out to a vegetarian place named Vitking House. It was quite far out or seemed so when I had to negotiate the flood waters. The place was in a nice setting and inside it had a cute little picket fenced planter box.

I gorged myself on tofu and mock fish.

On the way back some asshole thought it was funny to kick water at me as I walked past. I think he was an Aussie asshat. The bogan type. Who let the dickheads out?

 

I had gotten used to water water everywhere but as I was preparing to leave the town, the water finally receded.

Battambang and the Bamboo Train

The name Battambang seems funny enough but it is actually pronounced like Battambong which is even funnier.

It is the second largest city in Cambodia and most famous for its bamboo train. I had come to experience this wild ride but first I had to find a place to lay my weary head.

 

The bus dropped me off on the street and I arrived without a map, a plan or any idea what direction I was walking in (as in my custom apparently).

But I still managed to find a nice hotel room for US$6per night. My room was more than adequate as it had a fan, private bathroom and a TV.

They had cheaper rooms for half the price but they had a very dodgy shared bathroom. There wasn’t even a handbasin and a girl has to have some standards.

 

I took a day tour with a nice local guide in a tuk tuk. They are more like a trailer on a motorcycle than the all in one type in Thailand. The design also makes them easier to get into.

I liked to think of my new transportation as my own personal chariot.

I was glad to have it despite it costing more than just riding on the back of a bike when it started pouring with rain.

 

First stop was The Bamboo Train. This is a train that is literally made of bamboo. Well the flat platform you sit on is a rectangular sheet of bamboo.  It is placed atop two sets of wheels and powered by its own small engine.

When another train comes down the same line in the opposite direction then one has to lift their train off the rails so the other can pass. The rule is that the least loaded train has to disassemble. We had right of way on the trip out as we had a girl with a motorcycle onboard.

 

At the end of the line were some cute kids who showed us the rice mill and played with us.

One of the women told us that the owner keeps all the money and her husband who drove the train should be tipped. I don’t know if this is true but I did buy a scarf from her for the ride back because of the bugs. The insects that fly in your face as you race along the tracks.

It was a traditional Cambodian scarf and later when I checked out of my hotel I was given another.

The scarf worked really well tied around my face on the trip back. As it was just me and two other tourists that had shown up (I had waited so I could split costs) we were outranked by a tourist filled train going in the opposite direction.

But seeing the train taken apart so quickly was something I’m glad I didn’t miss.

 

Next up was Banan Temple that really was up. Up many (many!) steep steps.

But stick to the path people as the signs warned of landmines!

On my way up a small child followed me with a fan.

I did wonder about the kids that followed me, who did they think I was, Angelina Jolie?

 

At the top I sat and chatted to a local guy and asked him how much I was supposed to give my biggest fan.

I gave him the recommended amount (a few cents) although later I thought I probably shouldn’t as he didn’t ask before fanning me and by giving him money it is incentive for him to stay out of school and try to make money.

 

At the next temple site I had to take a motorbike to the top of the hill as I didn’t want to walk it.

In the killing cave I saw case filled with bones. Pretty creepy to see a pile of human bones displayed like that.

 

Further up there is are a couple of temples with monkeys.

My motorcycle driver and I ate oranges which are strangely enough green here. I always want to say they aren’t oranges their greens!

A mosquito wanted a meal too and chose me. But the guy reassured me that it wasn’t a malarial zone.

Then at a viewpoint with an excellent panoramic view of the surrounding countryside, I chatted to a monk about killing mosquitoes and cruelty.

He probably wasn’t too impressed with my ‘but they started it’ argument.

 

When we returned to Battambang it was pouring with rain so my tuk tuk driver gave me a ride to my favourite of the two vegetarian places in town.

I invited him to join me and he accepted.

The meal for both of us (2 mains + 2 appetizers) was under US$5.

That’s so damn cheap for such a delicious feast.

 

You can’t be crabby in Krabi

Krabi is a great little Thai town but I admit that getting there could make you crabby.

 

I took the night boat from Koh Tao to Surat Thani.

Inside the boat, bags are left on the lower level and the top level is just two rows of mattress. While it’s nice that you get to lie down alas there is not much space for each person.

I remember that it was very hot with people packed in and the fans apparently turned off along with the lights. In the middle of the night I vaguely recall pulling off my socks which did help in the heat.

I’d taken an anti seasickness pill and the rough ride of the boat rocked me to sleep.

 

Arriving in port very early I found the guy from my travel agency. A group of us were put in a vehicle that was part van, part pickup truck and part Satan’s hell bound carousel.

My pack along with everyone else’s was placed on the top of the roof, but it was only mine that fell off while we were driving along. My new pack was scraped on the road. The fabric was grazed and now had a small hole, even the padlock was now dented and scratched.

I was so not impressed.

 

We were taken to a cafe where we waited for a couple of hours.  Finally a bus took us the rest of the way to Krabi. During the trip I had to change seats as the air-conditioning was dripping cold water on me.

When we arrived in Krabi it was at an out of the way bus stop/travel agency/restaurant (most people were waiting for a connection to Koh Phi Phi).

I found out they wanted to charge me 150baht for a 5min taxi ride to the main city area.

I was all screw that, if it takes 5mins then I can walk it.

So I did.

 

It wasn’t a bad walk and I found a great hostel named Pak Up that had rooms with themes. I was in the art room and my bed was named Freud. I thought of Sigmund and his “tell me about your mother and how you want to have sex with her”, but turns out his grandson Lucian is the artist.

 The newly built hostel impressed me with their lockable drawers under the lower bunk beds that were large enough to hold my pack.

 

Close to the hostel and easy to find was a vegetarian place (Hong Ming) with cheap and tasty food. I filled my belly and then with my food and shelter needs met I was ready to go and see something.

The something I chose was catching a boat over to Rai Leh/Railay.

 

The boat goes when it is full and the guys running it tried to get me to pay more to go with less people. I was all nah I’m good, pulled out my iPod and sat reading kindle books until I got a good price.

The boat ride took about half an hour as it went along a river and across the sea.

I wasn’t expecting to have to wade onto the beach.

But we arrived at the East Rai Leh Beach which is filled with mangroves and not piers.

Oh well, took off my sneakers, zippered off pant legs and I was good to go.

 

Getting my bearings I followed a path to Phra Nang Beach.

The beach is probably the prettiest I have ever seen. A gorgeous white sand beach with shining sea dotted with little islands. Surrounded it are magnificent limestone cliffs that people were attempting to climb (Railay is a rock climbing hot spot).

 

I walked around and between the resorts and found the also very attractive West Rai Leh Beach which completed my tour of all the beaches in the main area of the peninsula.

When I wanted to return to Krabi the tide was out on East Rai Leh Beach and it was a long walk on a slippery path to the boat. Yeah I of course nearly ended up falling ass over tit as my bare feet slid out from under me, but managed to save myself just in time.

 

Back in Krabi I made friends with a group from the hostel who decided to make their own bucket.

Buckets are actually small plastic buckets like you would expect to see a small child playing with on the beach but here in Thailand they are filled with soda and enough alcohol to fuck you up majorly.

Helpfully the 7 eleven was fully stocked with everything needed for this project: bucket, straws, coke and some kind of cheap Thai firewater that could possibly double as paint stripper.

 

I pleaded off imbibing this lethal concoction by pointing out my genetic deficiency when it comes to processing alcohol.

One girl let’s call her Norah, who was staying in the same arty dorm room as me had asked me to watch out for her. She went to bed and I thought it was safe to take a shower while she was tucked up in the room alone.

I was pretty pissed off with myself when I came back to find a guy from the group in her bed.

Damn him and his drunken snuggling showing strong confirmation of my inattentiveness.

I kicked him out and kicked myself for failing in my duties.

But Norah was just thankful that I’d saved her.

Guess she couldn’t be crabby in Krabi either.

Learning to go down on Koh Tao

Backpackers recommend going to Koh Phangan in Thailand. But I didn’t think it would be my scene since it is famous for its full moon parties where people get drunk and then get 3^rd degree burns from flaming skipping ropes.

Decided to skip it but I ended up changing ferries there on my way to my new gulf of Siam island paradise named Koh Tao.

 

This island is famous for being one of the cheapest places in the world to scuba dive.

I signed up for an open water course that cost 9000 baht and included four nights accommodation.

When they asked me what type of accommodation I wanted I said the best I could get that was included in the price.

I ended up with in twin room with private bath all to myself.

 

I signed up for an SSI course as with PADI (aka Put Another Dollar In) you have to buy the book and I didn’t want to spend extra money and then have a book to carry around on the rest of my trip.

So the course began with a video and questions in the books we borrowed.

My course had 6 students and 2 instructors (one had just qualified).

 

I had originally wanted to learn to dive when I was living in north Queensland Australia with the Great Barrier Reef on my doorstep. But I was put off when I puked.

But the reef is much closer on Koh Tao and they gave me little yellow anti seasickness pills that were just magic.

 

My first dive was in a swimming pool. I realised that I actually knew a lot of the stuff they were teaching us such as finding your regulator and clearing your mask from my trial dive.

Two of the guys were having some issues when we went in the deeper pool. While the instructors were helping them we just stayed in the watery depths.

It was a bit boring sitting at the bottom of a deep pool with no fish to look at.

 

On our first open water sea dive we took a taxi (pickup truck with seats in the back) to the pier and then had to jump on the boat. There was a big gap between the pier and the railing of the boat (which was level due to the tide) so it was rather scary. Lucky there were lots of people who would hold your hands as you jumped over.

 

We cruised around to the other side of the island but with my meds I just enjoyed the rollercoaster ride.

We did a dive following a line down and then swimming around the coral. It is just so awesome to be amongst all the tropical fish.

 

We came up took off equipment and had to swim around the boat twice and then tread water for 10mins. We still had wetsuits on so it was pretty easy.

During the second dive my mask fogged up. But we did lots of skills during these dives and when I took my mask off and put it back on it helped clear it.

 

I was worried when I woke up with a sore left ear the next day.

I discovered it when I was lying on my pillow as it only hurt when I touched it (so don’t touch it right). But I was concerned about diving with it.

My instructors said that it was ok just my insides getting a workout. Then they gave me a decongestant to take along with my anti seasickness pill.

 

This time we took a long tail boat out to our boat.

The dives went fine until the end of one when we were doing a safely stop and I popped up like a cork.

So I just inflated my BC and waited for everyone else on the surface.

Then climbing back on the boat I fell on my knee.

My instructor came up and asked me if I was ok. I thought she meant about my resurfacing issue but it turned out she meant about the fall which I had forgotten about as I was fine.

 

I passed the course and the good thing about SSI is that you get your card pretty damn quick and then can flash it around town going look I’m licensed to dive!

Not that there is much town. The area I was in was a long strip of beach which included a horizontal palm tree. There was a path that ran along it that was full of tourist shops, diving schools and restaurants.

I met a couple who were also vegan and they recommended Narakaan. I didn’t see what was so impressive until I asked about vegan food and was given the separate vegetarian menu, it’s an awesome place.

 

Koh Tao may mean turtle island but it was ruled by dogs.

Just after I arrived, one bleed all over the diving school restaurant (it had just given birth but I didn’t see any puppies).

I saw another sleeping in front of the 7 eleven door. People were so used to it that they would just step over.

 

Hanging out with a course mate and a couple of her friends one night I showed them Devil Duckie. Turned out one of the friends had a panda mask that he would get people to put on and then take photos of.

He was a chemist so helpfully told me how I could blow up aircraft without liquids (we had been discussing the ridiculousness of the flight liquid bans, he wasn’t just psycho).

 

During my dives I saw a turtle, sea snake and a juvenile harlequin sweetlips. Plus the more common fish such as butterfly, angel, banner and barracuda.

But I did not find Nemo.

I must continue my search for him.

Then he just jizzed in his pants

I’d first head the song jizz in my pants on a tour bus in Scotland. I had no idea that it would later be so relevant on a beautiful beach in Thailand.

 

I had been loving my stay on Lamai Beach Koh Samui.

On the boat to the island a woman was walking around signing people up to stay in her beach hut accommodation that was called New Hut so I took her up on it as I got a free ride and the place sounded ok.

I got my own sweet little beach hut that was one row back from beachfront but I could still see the sea.

 

 

I’d walked down past the main shopping area to see the grandma and grandpa rocks.

These are two rocks are located in the same area and are shaped like genitals. The grandpa stone dick is called Hin Ta and Hin Yai is the name of granny’s rock pussy.

It is pretty funny how two such explicit formations are located so close to each other.

After giggling at them like a schoolgirl I then walked back to my accommodation along the beach (it was about 2km).

 

For most of my time there I just hung out at New Hut.

I had discovered that just up the beach there was a spa (Spa Samui) that had a restaurant (named radiance) with vegan food on their menu. The best was the massaman curry with tofu. I’d never tried a massaman curry before but it was so tasty and only cost US$2.50!

 

Also a stall outside the bridged entrance to New Hut sold durian. The delicious exotic smelly fruit I have developed quite a taste for.

Another big plus about where I was staying is that I could get (free) wifi in my private hut.

It was my idea of paradise.

Ok the bathroom situation could have been better since it was shared and the loos didn’t flush (you had to pour scoops of water down them) and the showers were cold.

But for US$10 a night I wasn’t complaining.

 

Jizzy Jeff was also staying there. He’s an Englishman who was stopping off on his way to Australia where he had a plan to bike around it. Yes on a bicycle!

I was all do you realise how big Australia is???

Me and him would hang out. We would go swimming together in the warm sea and eat meals at the radiance restaurant.

 

Jizzy Jeff rented a scooter and took me for a ride to the Chaweng Beach area.

But then it got dark, started to rain and we were getting low on fuel.

I was rather worried but I escaped unharmed. A lot of people get injured. Both a burn from the exhaust and gravel burn from falling off is known as a Thailand tattoo.

 

After we safely got back to our little patch of paradise it was pouring with rain. So I went for a swim in the dark waters of the gulf of Siam and it was amazing.  The rain was cold but the sea was warm. It was just a wonderful experience.

 

Jizzy Jeff was going to the store one night and asked if I wanted anything. I said no but then told him he should surprise me.

He said that he had got me a Pegasus (just what I had always wanted) but really he bought me a gift of chocolate and a mechanical pencil. I gave him back the chocolate since it wasn’t vegan. But I kept the pencil saying I’d treasure this trinket it as a souvenir.

 

So you know what this all lead up to.

We ended up in my hut, both topless and it was nice...

And then he jizzed in his pants.

Seriously I just wanted to play the song for him.

And can I tell myself that ‘Yes I am just that hot?’

Guess I should just be glad he had a good time since due to shark week being upon me, I wasn’t taking my pants off.

Leaving Bangkok like a bat out of hell

I knew it was time to get the hell out of Bangkok as I was feeling rather unmotivated to do anything. The fact that the traffic is insane didn’t help to desist my desire to vegetate.

Also not helping was the fact that I had been ill. My theory is that it takes a few days for the foreign germs to build up in your system and then bang you a one sick puppy.

 

It was pretty pathetic, one pancake lasted me 3 meals. I got a vegan strawberry pancake from Ethos (I had previously had a vegan banana pancake which made me feel like a real backpacker since the path I was treading is known as the banana pancake trail) and it was good. But I could only eat half for breakfast. I ate a quarter that night for dinner and then I thought I put it in the fridge but it turned out to be the freezer so I ate the remaining frozen quarter for breakfast the next day.

So with the illness, lack of motivation and all the scamminess I just had to get the hell out of Bangkok.

 

I am not saying that all of Bangkok was bad.

There was some good stuff and I am not just talking about the time that I randomly came across the Porn Beauty Salon. I can only imagine what makeovers are performed here.

 

I had a pair of Pants that we slightly too long. Just long enough that I kept stepping on the ends of the legs and it bugged me. But lucky for me on the street there was a guy with a sewing machine. I was wearing the pants at the time so I got him to measure the right length on me. Then I zipped off the legs and handed them to him.

I wandered around the area while he removed the zips, shortened the legs and then sewed the zips back on.

I returned, rezipped and had perfect pants for under US$3.

 

I crossed the muddy old (Chao Phraya) river on a boat to visit Wat Arun. I confess I took one look at how steep the steps are and decided against attempting to climb it.

I saw the reclining Buddha at Wat Pho and got a massage. It is the home of a traditional Thai massage school. Thai massage can hurt a bit a times but overall it’s good. I should point out that this wasn’t the type of Thai massage that ends in a happy ending!

 

So anyway it sick of feeling sick and tired of being unmotivated to see the city I knew it was time to move on.

The way to go was definitely to head south and find me a tropical island paradise.

The idea was going to one of the islands in search of the perfect white sand beach with clear water that is the perfect shade of blue. I also wanted perfect palm trees to swing in a hammock from.

So with this idyllic image in my head I booked a bus out of Bangkok.

 

Like Rimmer in Better than Life  my subconscious mind that obviously hates me and apparently has some influence over my body took over. As just before I got on the bus I got the visit from aunt flo.

Yep the perfect time for heavy bleeding is right before a journey of unknown length where the bathroom options at the stops leave much to be desired (like toilet paper, running water and something better than a hole in the ground, oh and you get to pay for all this luxury too).

 

The backpacker buses that leave from Khao San Road are notorious for theft.

I guess they can be so cheap because they make up the rest of their profits by simply stealing them.

I was glad that I had a carry on sized pack and was able to take it up into the bus with me as people hide in the luggage compartment and then go thru the packs (locking them doesn’t help) as the bus drives thru the night and the passengers sleep obliviously above.

 

I actually found the bus to be quite comfortable. The seats had footrests and reclined far more than any airline seat I’d ever been in (but then I do always fly economy). They played a couple of movies and then the lights were dimmed.

The aircon is very cold but they provide blankets. A pillow would have been good but I had a jersey I bundle up under my head so I slept really well.

 

In the morning we disembarked our mighty coach (I got off with everything I go on with) and had to sit on the steps of a travel agency and wait for another bus. This time it was an old clunker and it took us to the port.

Then we waited at the ferry terminal until finally we boarded the Songserm ferry for the journey to the island of Koh Samui in the gulf of Siam.

By the time we arrived I was well past ready to relax in paradise.

Hong Kong to Bangkok and the world’s my oyster

I’d been to Hong Kong airport a few times by now. But this was the first time I‘d used the other terminal.

Terminal 2 it turns out is even better than terminal 1. And I now have a new love for Hong Kong airport.

First I enjoyed that it had a display regarding the future of the airport. I followed the runway decorated floor (with a cut out aircraft doing a low pass overhead) around and did a survey. As a reward I was given a free magnet.

 

Then little ole Plane Jane me discovered the aviation discovery area. It was awesome.

The area was quite dark so and my photos didn’t come out too well but you can get the idea of it.

There were displays set into the floor and covered in glass so they could be walked on.

There is a sky deck where you climb up to watch the aircraft. But you have to pay for that. There is also a fee for the flight simulator. But I heard that it is for kids only anyway.

The rest is free and includes videos and models that explain how aircraft operate. There is even a first class seat that can be tried out.

 

I was flying from Hong Kong to Bangkok with Royal Jordanian Airlines.

It was my first flight on an Airbus A330. I would like to try all the different airliners types (I’m fan of turbo fans). So far I haven’t been doing that well as I have only been on the most commonly used aircraft, The Boeings 737 747 777 and the Airbuses A320 and A380.

 

At check in they weighed my pack and it was 13kg. I’m sorry I can’t defend that really. But I will say that it did have my computer in it at the time.

They still let me carry it on. But attached a bright tag that said that it was heavy and could be denied by the flight attendants on board. I just don’t know what is to stop me from taking it off between check in and the gate?

 

On the way to the gate I was strangely fascinated by the moving walkway system. You could look down thru the glass panels that separated the two opposite directional travelators and see another set of these horizontal escalators below and the people using them.

 

On the plane I didn’t have any problems with the crew and just shoved my heavy bag up into the overhead locker myself.

 

The meal was lame and I have doubts about it being vegan. Part of it looked like it could have been custard or hamster pus. But I was too tired to eat anyway.

I was so tired so didn’t think I could follow a complex movie plot. So I put on a kid’s movie. The Rapunzel tale known as Tangled.

I still managed to wake up near the end with no idea what was happening!

 

My flight arrived at a late hour.

It was actually past midnight when I went thru immigration and I wondered if I would get stamped in on that day and thus have an extra day in Thailand. But no I was stamped as arriving the day before so I guess they go by when my flight actually touched down.

 

Due to the late hour I had no option but to get a taxi to the city.

Then I ended up wandering around at 1am looking for a place to stay. Not good start.

I was tired and it was dark.

Then it started to rain.

 

Really I should have booked a place to stay before I arrived as being lost alone in a strange city without much of a plan is not my best move.  Admittedly one I have done a time or two before. Oh well yet again I survived my stupidity and I did find a place to stay eventually.

 

I was in the Backpacker Central area aka Khao San Road. Many stalls sell stuff to the tourists and the many t-shirts being sold gave me an idea.

They should totally have one that says ‘Khao San Road, I see white people’.

 

High Hong Kong

So once again I found myself back in Hong Kong a place where you can get a cat with your magazines (Insert your own Chinese food joke here).

I was back just for one night so I decided to spend it in the backpacking centre known as TST because no backpacker can pronounce Tsim Sha Tsui.

 

I went to an infamous building that was big, old, full of backpackers and probably a fire risk.

It’s called Chung King Mansions and has lots of cheap guesthouses.

Found a place where I got my own room with ensuite and wifi included.

Being curious I wanted to see what was out the window. I do these things so you don’t have to and I don’t recommend it as behind window number one was an internal shaft that was dank and dirty.

 

Set off for the one day I had to hang out in Hong Kong ready to learn something about the place.

At Chuck’s suggestion I went to the Hong Kong Museum of History. He had good advice as it was worth the hk$10 (about US$1.30) entrance fee.

There was everything from the geological periods in the creation of Hong Kong to the recreation of old fashioned street scenes.

Real water and a fake backdrop were used for a display of boats in the harbour.

My personal favourite was towers of buns. They were from a festival where people would climb them. But I believe the practise was abandoned for being too dangerous. I do wonder where the idea that climbing a huge pile of pastry was a good idea started.

 

After my education in Hong Kong history I headed to Tung Chung on the MTR to catch the cable car up the hill.

Ngong ping 360 has 2 types of gondolas normal and the not for any acrophobics Crystal Cabin glass bottom version.

Not a fan of heights (or paying a premium) I went with the normal capsule.

 

Reading up on the operation now I am pretty shocked at the safety record. The service is currently closed due to a technical fault and it has been shut down numerous times in the past.

Including a time when a cable car fell off the wire!

 

This reminds me of how my parents always told me a story about how we nearly ended up in a similar situation in Singapore. There is a cable car to Sentosa Island and according to the parentals we were going to go on it one night but ended up going the night before.

The night we were going to go a ship sailed under the wires but it was too tall, hit the wires and caused some cars to fall into the sea.

For a while I thought that this was just a fanciful story. Then one day I googled it and it turns out its true!

Well the bit about the accident. I of course can’t prove or disprove the story that we were supposed to be on it at that time.

 

Anyway back to Ngong Ping 360 and their atrocious safety record. It’s probably a good thing I didn’t know anything about this while I was riding it.

So all I thought was wow the view of the airport is amazing.

 

At the top of the hill I first headed to the Po Lin Monastery as they have a vegetarian restaurant and I was hungry.

The system works whereby you buy a ticket for the number in your party (in my case that would be 1, devil duckie is cheap to feed) and then take it to the restaurant.

I decided to splash out on the luxury set meal. The best bit was the tofu with lemon sauce and I had so much food I couldn’t finish it.

 

The other main attraction is the Tian Tan Buddha which is very big and made of bronze. It is up 260 steps. But with a full belly I had even less inclination than usual to exert myself to see a religious artefact that as Chuck put it “is all fake anyway”.

Although I think he just means that it was built recently as opposed to some ancient relics that were built to just as fake deities but have some history.

 

Walking back to the cable car station there were animals wandering around. Sacred cows perhaps?

And what was that? Was it a bird? A plane? Spiderman? No it was a display of cable cars from around the world.

 

An Ice cream man display wanted to be shot not sat on.

It made me wish I had a gun with me (in a major oversight on my part I never picked one up in the USA. I should have got one in my cornflakes box right?) Then I could have aimed and fired and been all “what it said I could shoot him!”

 

There was a display of weapons but they were not of the shooting variety.

But it did seem a bit violent isn’t Buddhism supposed to be peaceful?

I am not sure but there was a book that could have help me.

In the gift shop, always a good place to look for wacky things did not disappoint, is where I could have picked up a copy of Buddhism for dummies.

Or the very cute MTR styled office accessories.

Seriously who wouldn’t love a subway train stapler? Or a turnstile tape dispenser? Ticket machine notepaper or penholder, the gift for the person who has everything.

Longest. Flight. Ever.

Rosie took me to the airport making sure I got a photo of the bong recreation area on the way. She’s a good friend like that.

 

At O’Hare Airport she dropped me off at the international terminal.

I had thought I am flying international so I’ll go to the international terminal. Turned out I was supposed to think I am flying United Airlines so I need the United terminal.

Thus I got a bonus train ride between the terminals.

 

I quite liked the United terminal because there was a dinosaur. I don’t mean their geriatric jets either.

It was a skeleton of a Brachiosaurus actually not the real bones but a replica. But this is an airport people so they still get credit for trying.

Plus that’s not all folks!

To get to my gate I had to go under the airport apron and the tunnel had lights. Pretty changing colour lights ooohhh.

 

My flight from Chicago to Hong Kong would be the longest flight I’d ever been on. At 7,793 miles United 895 is number 23 on the list of world’s longest non-stop flights (by distance, time can be shorter for a longer flight depending on winds). It’s also the longest flight in the world operated by a plain old Boeing 747-400 (Qantas has some longer flights with the 747-400ER).

 

I was hoping that we would have to divert for fuel. It is apparently pretty common for them to have to stop off somewhere like Japan or China to top up the tanks and I would love to be able to say that I had been on a flight so long that it had run out of fuel!

 

We didn’t run out of fuel but we were delayed in taking off by an hour because they had to refuel before we left Chicago.

My carefully pre-chosen seat was yet again the best economy class has to offer (right at the back so my window seat only had 1 seat between me and the freedom of the aisle).

 

Because United Airlines suck more than a hooker with an eviction notice and only have main screen entertainment I was in the midflight zombie zone when the movie I wanted to see came on. Therefore I missed most of Rio as I passed out.

 

Luckily I had my iPod to use for my own personal entertainment when I wasn’t semi conscious and was in need of distraction. Never have I needed angry birds more, I even have the Rio version of the game.

With 15.5hrs to fill at least I had the amusement value of the 3 meals I was served.

 

So after we take off and set a course for over the pole I get my first vegan special meal and it has a spherical grain of some sort.

Ok I looked it up just now and apparently it’s a pasta called Israeli couscous. It came with a chickpea and sweet potato curry that even had a slice of peach on top. There was German rye bread, salad and hey vegan cookies!

 

Then I got my snack. Oh vegan cookies again, the exact same package, guess they bought them in bulk.

Oh and what is this in my sandwich? Oh its some lettuce and the Israeli couscous again, just stuck in half a pita bread!

Um ok so I not saying this isn’t something I might try if I opened the fridge when I hadn’t been shopping and this was all there was. But this is supposed to be a professional catering operation right? Not my experimental ghetto vegan kitchen.

 

Meal number three in the theme of repeating past meal components there was some more rye bread.

But at least Israeli couscous did not feature anywhere in the main dish. It was baked fruit with a side of fruit sauce (apple).

I’m not gonna lie, I ate it and I liked it.