I bought this balloon animal making kit in Hicksville (A place where one has to search for entertainment options, others in the local population got their inflated amusement from the neighbourhood topless bar…). I got the kit for a couple of bucks so it’s cheap fun. Plus it looked like a good, clean and wholesome form of amusement.
But I managed to change that. But believe me I didn’t even do it on purpose, it started purely as an accident. Honestly!
I started out just trying to make the classic French poodle.
My first problem was that the bubbles would not stay when I made them. They would easily undo on their own. I found I had to try and hold them until I could do the twist lock together bit and then they stayed as they should. After working that out it seemed that then it was all going well. I did the head and the front legs, that’s when I encountered a major problem. I found that I didn’t have enough slack in the balloon to twist the rest as any more bubble attempts would have resulted in a tragic poodle pup popping incident. So I did what I could and kinda folded it together.
I looked at my finished result and that’s when I (with my naturally dirty mind) discovered that it looks like its wanking a big dick!
Next I tried another chaste poodle in an appropriate pink balloon. I didn’t inflate it as much as the last. This didn’t work as I ended up with the opposite problem and didn’t have enough balloon inflated to finish the depressingly deflated dog, it looks like one of those dogs that’s missing their hind legs. I feel I should make it a little cart thing to pull around its back half in. but the instruction book didn’t come with directions for making that.
So I made a lucky shamrock instead.
But that was a bit tame after my previous efforts so I instead did this:
Now I figured that I wasn’t the only one with a deviant mind who would pervert the innocence of balloon art. So I did a quick search and discovered that I was right and there is in fact a whole book showing how to make lewd, crude and just plain rude balloons. Good to know I am not alone with my smutty skills.













