Americana

So there I was in the mighty country known as the United States of America.

Yes the homeland of the seppo’s was being infiltrated by an undercover Kiwi.

I was in the great state of Wisconsin, what better place for a vegan than Americans dairyland? (Although I would have loved to find a magnet that said Wisconsin, come smell our dairy air).

I was near Milwaukee a place where the buses go to Lovers Lane (for group trips?) and the stadium collapsed during construction.

The city is where the TV show Happy Days was set and where Jeffery Dahmer did his serial killing (Rosie’s mom used to work in a building right by where his apartment was and showed me the spot).

The state is also where the onion began I was interested to see that you could get it in newspaper form there.

 

I was actually really into the whole small town Americana thing and I did my best to fit in.

During my first days as a Wild Kiwi in small town America I discovered that everyone loved my accent and I spotted a squirrel, two chipmunks and a crazy drunk neighbour in their natural habitat.

 

The area I was staying in despite technically being a city was so rural and surround by trees that there were deer that would just roam the streets and backyards. I would look around and be like this doesn’t look like a city, too much nature and not enough buildings.

The downside to this was that everything was spread out and I realised that it was true that America really is a country for cars. As I don’t drive and the public transport system was pretty lame I was kind of trapped at my friend’s house.

 

But it was nice there. I would walk her dog around the neighbourhood and marvel at how with the number of American flags of display there were surely more flags than people!

If I had to describe small town America by two items it would be flags and water towers.

 

I taped three shows on the DVR, I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant, The Colbert Report and The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

It was cool as they were actually relevant. I mean the last two!

And oh I did laugh the day that Rosie’s mom called the tea party a bunch of tea baggers and Rosie had to explain to her exactly what tea bagging involves.

 

To really get into the American way of life I started couponing. I would cut out coupons from the Sunday papers and the good thing about being in America is the all the online stuff about coupons is actually relevant.

One of the tofu companies had a giveaway where if you sent in barcodes you could get shorts with extra firm written on the ass. It was suggested that if I wore them it would be false advertising. The cheek!

But back to me being the coupon queen, I was totally winning at extreme couponing. I shopped on double double daze coupon day at the grocery store. I even managed to get free products and I felt so American.

But deep down I tried not to dwell on thoughts about how I was probably better off in a country that was just cheaper without having to use coupons.

 

 

Religion is big in America and I was there for the (not) rapture.

We had a little yay The Rapture didn't get me celebration with Vegan nachos, virgin coladas and plans that didn’t quite happen to make some cookies as we all know that they are required for being on the dark side.

 

On the subject of food and especially close encounters of the vegan kind I have to say that America is pretty damn awesome.

They have a truly impressive selection of vegan products.

The vegan ice cream selection alone is almost enough to make me move there permanently.

Seriously they have alternatives made of rice, soy, almond or coconut milk and there are fancy flavours like cookie dough and chocolate fudge brownie. 

 

I made a vegan raspberry cheesecake (which Rosie renamed it 'soy cake'). I also made a tofu chocolate silk pie that was well received.

I tried a different state of vegan food with Hawaiian hotdogs. They are hotdogs in a bun with baked beans, bbq sauce and pineapple on top. Delicious.

The meltable joy of Daiya cheese is excellent and I drool remembering the twice baked stuffed jacket potatoes I created.

 

 

I was also there for the fourth of July (hey if I am going to fly for 14.5hrs to the other side of the world I’m going to stick around for awhile) and we went to watch the local Independence Day parade.

The parade was not unexpectedly very red white and blue small town America.

 Filled with local people on floats and walking the parade route. The funniest float was guys in huge top hats with faces on their bare bellies. There were also a lot of classic cars, marching bands and dogs in costumes.

 

It was a very hot day so I was glad that not only did they throw candy but also frozen ice sticks, I managed to get a big stash of these frozen ice lollies and used them to cool off. Every so often pulling a fresh one out from under our blanket and holding it against my neck.

 

Although instead of the free ice sticks I must admit I was more enamoured with the idea of eating a rocket pop.

They just seemed very American to me with their red white and blue colours.

But I discovered that I am retarded or they are more dangerous that bomb shaped coloured frozen ice would appear. Because alas as I ate one it the ice stuck to my lip and I had to squirt water from my water bottle to try and free myself.

In the end I declared them to be painful but tasty.