Great Adventures of a Green Goddess

Broken bus record

In Luxor we hired a taxi for the day (the Brazilian’s brilliant work yet again) and went to the west bank of the Nile. You have to buy tickets first at a somewhat random outpost of a ticket office. Then we were off to see the Tombs of the Nobles. It was very deserted so we hiked around and saw the tombs of Userhat (good advice that, I remembered my hat this time), Ramose, Sennofer and Rekhmire.

Then there were a whole lotta other temples. The Ramesseum yeah no prizes for guessing that it is dedicated to Ramses II, and by the look of the size of his monuments he seems to be majorly compensating for something (I’m just sayin a big statue is probably the ancient equivalent of a big car…)

Also seen by us were Deir Al-Medina and The Habu Temple where the most interesting scenes were carved. The temple walls depicted scenes of battles which included severed hands and genitals. 

Our driver had a bit of trouble finding out the next site which was called the Temple of Seti. While we were there some children were hanging around that would call out for baksheesh and I thought it was a bit sad that they have been taught that its ok to just ask tourists for it without even a hello.

Not that their parents are a very good influence judging by the number of guys that hang around the sites wanting to show you stuff you can see for yourself without them pointing it out. But they disappear quickly if you say ‘La baksheesh’, no tips for you!

One of the guards of the temple did seem impressed when I saw a kitten and pointed and said habibi. It is Arabic for baby (it also means my darling). Yes that brings my number of words of Arabic I know up to about 5.

We finished with crossing back over the river for a visit to Karnack. Karnack was amazing and huge. It also had a model so I knew what to expect, and could ooh and ah over the cuteness of it. At the entrance there is a row of sphinxes that used to run all the way to the avenue of sphinxes at Luxor Temple. We walked around but we had seen many temples by this point so it really wasn't anything new and it was very hot in the mid day sun so we went to find the water, a big man made sacred lake that I wished we could swim in.

On the subject of water, we were sticking to the bottled stuff for drinking. A guy was selling water by the river and I made sure to bargain with him to get the usual price I expect to pay for water. Its funny how at the time it seems so important not to pay extra and later you realise how little you are really fighting for. The guys teased me about how the water seller wanted to marry me. Probably true actually.

Later that night I went for a walk alone to the river front. the guys selling felucca rides would always go ‘do you know how much it is?’ and I would always reply 'yes one pound!’ ah it amused me and one of the guys invited me to drink tea on a felucca for free and we took a motorboat across the river to watch the sunset which was gorgeous.

On my way back to the hotel a guy with a horse and carriage followed me, repeatedly asking if I wanted a ride and kept lowering the price until it was free (I am sure he would have demanded much baksheesh had I taken up that offer) when I had declined each time, even pointing out that I preferred to walk. He then asks if I was looking for a husband! I was just like if I wanted a husband I would certainly want one who was able to grasp the concept of wanting to walk!

 

We decided to take the bus to Dahab on the Sinai Peninsular as the other option was to go to Hurghada stay overnight then catch a fast ferry across. Costs more and takes longer.

So the bus it was. This was a personal bus riding record breaking 21 hours. It beat my previous record of 18hr or so to Germany (and then the same on the trip back again).

We were told how much the tickets should be before we went to find the bus station. This turned out to be just an office, which looked very dodgy to me. Discovered that the guy inside was way way dodgy.

He told us a higher price of course.

When I said we wanted the price we were told it should be he told me to come back in the morning and he would sell it to me then.

Ya I stoopid coz I did, and he of course was not there.

Ended up getting tickets from the guy there and at a higher price than we had been informed that they should have been but less than the other guy was trying to rip us off.

When we came back that afternoon to catch the bus the first guy was there. He yelled at me! How rude is that??? He tried to rip me off, screwed me around and then was a total asshole to me. He even tried to tell me that the bus was cancelled and I would have to come back the next day. I just ignored him. I really wanted to tell him what a disgrace he was but I don’t think he would care. Just another case of us being seen as only a walking wallet to some Egyptians.

So we got on the bus that would be our home for the next day.

The air-conditioning failed. On a bus. In Egypt. In the middle of summer. You can imagine how fabulous that was.

So we had to change buses. On the new one I then claimed the prime real estate of the back row and slept most of the way.

We arrived in Dahab and shared a ride on the back of a pickup truck with a guy from the bus to the main beach town area. Found a place to stay and then next priority was food.

We went to one of the restaurants by the sea. They all try to entice you inside as you walk past by offering freebies and discounts.

They have couches and cushions and it’s just a great place to relax and chill. Sitting by the sea and looking across the red sea to Saudi Arabia. We stayed for hours and I ended up falling asleep for a much needed nap while we were there.

 

 

Kings, Queens and Students

So in Luxor and ready to explore we set off to see a guy about arranging a tour. The Korean guy from Casablanca airport had recommended a guy who did cheap tours so we headed off the train station area to find him.

We were approached on the street by people offering the same services. I asked a guy his name since I knew he would claim to be who we wanted. It wasn't the guy. But then it turned out he knew who we were seeking. So off we went to see him.

The guy said he could hook The Gherkin and I up with student identity cards which would save us some money (with half price entry the cards soon pay for themselves). He was even nice/dodgy enough to lend us a couple of cards to use before ours were ready. With cunning we came up with a sneaky plan to use these cards with the images of strangers upon them. We would send The Brazilian to buy the student tickets with his card (he already had a real one from home) and the 2 extras. Then he would come back with the tickets and we would split up and enter separately. It worked. Well not at The Luxor museum which would not accept student cards at all, and is not worth the price. Go to the museum in Cairo and skip this one.

We first executed our sly scheme at the Luxor temple which as well as the usual Egyptian temple stuff (I must admit it’s all getting a bit same old, same old) also has some roman paintings on the walls.

The Mummification Museum is fascinating in a horrifying way, creepy to see the instruments used to scrape brains out through nostrils. I do like the canopic jars with the four different heads though. They are the jackal head that contains the stomach, the falcon head with the intestines, the baboon with the lungs and the human that had the liver stored inside it. The brain was thought to be useless and thrown away. Oh those silly silly ancient Egyptians. These days we know that most people use their brains, well some of the time at least…

While at the museum I ever so helpfully pointed out how the labelling in English was wrong on a wall display. It was in the wrong order. The guy I told got a manager but I am not sure she really understood what I was saying. Ah well I tried to do my bit for accuracy of the display.

We returned to the Luxor temple to see it lit up at night. We were able to use the tickets we had purchased earlier in the day again. So it didn’t cost anymore and it was very nice to see the place lit up at night. Much cooler.

With our newly minted student cards in hand, we got an early start. The tour we booked started with the Valley of the Kings. 

I really liked the model in the entrance area. Especially how when you looked underneath you could see how deep the tombs are in the earth.

We saw three tombs plus paid extra to see King Tutankhamen’s, it’s really not that interesting (all the treasures from it are in the museum in Cairo) but his mummy is in it.

I don't have photos from inside as they are not allowed. So I just took photos of the names of the tombs we saw so I would remember them. Ramses I, Ramses IX, Ramses IV (but I will spare you photos of signs). Going inside some of the tombs involved steep steps and they were all hot and crowded.

Leaving the Valley of the Kings the vendors have it well planned. You have to walk down a corridor of shops and they come out and stand in a line that you have to somehow get past. I ran this gauntlet by covering my head with my hands and repeating my two words of Arabic, no thanks: La shukran.

We then saw the temple of Queen Hapsepha a female pharaoh. The design of the temple is different from the usual and very impressive. But it was also very hot there and I had forgotten to bring my hat.

In the shop there I was amused by the special flavour of Pringles, hot Holland hot.  I wonder what hot Dutch guy would think of them!

In the valley of the queens I learnt there is a difference between Nefertiti and Neiftari.

We went to a shop that sold alabaster items. I looked but did not buy. Bad tourist!

The Gherkin was most happy that he gave a guy working there a hair tie and the guy gave me a stone that I passed on to The Gherkin so he was like I traded a hair tie for a rock! The gherkin likes to carry rocks around with him. He has others from somewhere else in Europe. I personally felt my pack was heavy enough without lugging around rocks!

The last stop was a couple of statues called The Colossi of Memnon. Big statues that used to make strange whistling sounds (due to cracks after an earthquake or something) but don’t anymore. They were quite quiet for me.

Tempted to cause some death on the Nile

We left Aswan in style, cruising along the Nile. When we booked the cruise we had the foresight to get the guy to write down what we would get. 5 star luxury for us and no less!

On the morning we departed, we boarded the boat (The Princess Amira) and found our stateroom. Then split to go for a wander around to explore the boats amenities. When docked they tie up the boats next to each other so you have to walk through the first boat to get onto the second. We were on the first boat but since it was there I decided I had to check out the other one.

This wasn't a problem as the crew were very welcoming and invited me to come on over and look. So I inspected the next door Nile cruise boat. It was nicer!  I was like hey we are supposed to be on a 5 star luxury boat but this one is so nice it must be 5 stars and therefore we are only on a 4 star boat! So I reported back to the guys that the other boat was better, this was not on of course.

So we called the guy who sold us the trip and pulled out the bit of paper where he had written that we would be on a 5 star boat. I left it to the Brazilian to negotiate it since it is his area of expertise. He did not let us down. Thus we moved to the other boat and didn't even have to pay any extra. Yes The Brazilian is that good!

We left Aswan standing on the very nice top deck of a 5 star luxury Nile cruise boat, so fancy! It seemed a bit dodgy when a felucca looked like we were going to hit it, a little too close for comfort. But perhaps that’s normal there.

We did feel a bit like we didn’t belong onboard, most of the other passengers seemed to be on package tours and we were backpackers just wanting to get from Aswan to Luxor. But it was all good. The boat was called the Nile Shams it was so nice, they even made towel animals.

The first stop was at a temple dedicated to crocodiles in Kom Ombo. We didn't go in (getting a little templed out) but wandered around the Nubian village. As I was walking back to the boat along the riverfront I found the sellers to be the worst I had come across, they would surround me and not listen to my ‘No thanks!’ (in English and Arabic). The children were just as bad. I was accosted by a group of kids wanting to sell me jewellery and they just wouldn’t leave me alone. A policeman had to chase them off waving a belt or whip of some kind at them. They were definitely not as amusing as the kid in Aswan who saw me with the guys and went "1 woman and 2 men, oh man!"

The next morning we got up early to go see a temple in Edfu. The only transport was in horse drawn carriages which we had to negotiate for. The temple was nice and we can now worship the new god devil duckie.

I lost the guys in the temple complex but by now I was used to it. We had agreed to meet the horse cart at a specified time and place so I just made sure I was there on time (I was early).

The guys didn’t show up. I waited and waited and the horse guy got annoyed about having to wait and I was pretty frustrated about the whole situation too. I was very worried that we would miss the boat and be stuck there!

Eventually the guys showed up, they tried to say that they were late because they had been looking for me. This is stupid as you would think that the first place you would look would be an agreed meeting place wouldn't you??? But I resisted the urge to yell at them and just quietly got in the carriage to head back to the boat. I think the guys must have taken my silence as reason to keep blaming me for their lateness.

During the ride The Brazilian asked me if I had change to pay the driver as we knew he wouldn't give us any change because he was not pleased with us at all. I gave him the change I had and then he asked me if I had anymore and I said that I had given him all my change. But then he asked me again if I had change! And I snapped back that no I didn't and repeatedly asking me wouldn’t change that fact. Bugging me wasn't going to magically change the contents of my wallet.

The Brazilian had a little bitch fit about this, he was very annoyed that I was pissed off about it.

I ended up giving the driver a larger banknote and apologising for the lateness.

Back in our room I tried to talk to The Brazilian and he was like doing even speak to me, I was like fine!

The guys and I did not speak on the boat at all.

The guys had the key to the room so I had to keep asking the reception to open the door for me when I wanted to go back to the room. (And even took a nap on a reception area couch before I figured out that trick)

Going through the lock at Esna I was in the room looking out the window. (The guys were hanging out together up top getting sunburnt). A seller had managed to get onto the side of the lock and tried to sell me a towel. He did this by throwing it thru the window into my room and then telling me to give him the money. I taunted him by holding up the towel, waving around and asking him how he was going to get it back since I wasn't going to pay for it. He didn't try to jump through the window to retrieve it and I felt bad and eventually threw it back. It was a nice towel I must admit. Later I told others onboard about how I could have gotten a free towel and they told me how they had seen the police chasing the guy away.

To entertain myself I made friends with the boat manager, he showed me the bridge with the captain driving the boat and the engine room which was hot and noisy. He only tried to grab me a couple of times...

At sunset I went for a swim in the pool up on top. I had been joking with one of the other passengers about my crocs being safety equipment. So it was funny when I took them off, stepped into the pool and immediately slipped over splashing down onto my butt, such style, class and grace!

The last morning the Brazilian spoke to me but I was still upset and just said that he might think that I am worthy of talking to him now, but maybe I didn’t want to talk to him.

So I got off the boat alone (fully prepared to go on by myself) setting off to find a minibus into Luxor, but the guys wouldn't let me go. They followed me and grabbed my bags forcing me into the taxi with them saying that they wouldn't let me travel alone. So we went to a happy hotel in Luxor and in the room we had a big talk and made up. Because if you are a 1 woman with 2 men you don’t want to give that up too easily.

 

Taking the train down to Upper Egypt

Yep I fully admit that the whole upper and lower Egypt thing confuses me as they seem to be the opposite way to what I expect. So when we were heading down south we were actually going to Upper Egypt. It was a lot of time on the rails.

So we started with 3.5 hrs on a train from Alexandria to Cairo, then we had 6 hours to kill at the train station in Cairo. I wandered around finding the nearby market and we got some cheap take away Kushari (a great Egyptian dish of rice, brown lentils, chickpeas, macaroni, topped with tomato sauce). We ate it sitting on the floor of the train station.

The train to Aswan took 14hrs. We were in first class because when the guys went to buy the tickets the woman knew we were in a rush and would only sell first class tickets. But I went for a walk along the carriages and there was definitely space in the second class carriages, spare seats galore.

I was going to walk the whole train but stopped when the floor got too wet and dirty and head back to my luxury (ha!) section. Yeah first class wasn’t so grand but we did have water in the toilet on the second half of the trip (tip for newbie’s: bring your own wet wipes, hand sanitizer and loo paper).

We had been assigned a tiny compartment with 3 seats side by side. Add in our backpacks and there really wasn't enough room to swing a mummified sacred cat. But once the train started moving and we saw that there was plenty of empty space we spread out and took over another compartment that had 6 seats facing each other 3 abreast. I got out my sleeping bag, lay across the seats and slept all night. So it wasn’t too bad.

In Aswan we did our usual wandering around looking for a place to stay. My fave was when the guys would get me to watch the bags while they went to look at places. Yes run around my lovely boys and I shall guard the stuff sitting under this nice shady tree...

We ended up at a hotel that unusually for Egypt had free wifi. The Brazilian had an iphone with VoIP thing so I made a free call to lady back in NZ. It was cool to be all hey Mum I’m in Egypt!

We signed up for the tour to go to the must see Abu Simbel. We somehow missed the alarm we set and woke up just before pick up. There was some mad scrambling at 3am to be on time for the convoy, yes all the buses must go together in a line so that the terrorists know when and where to find you.

I tried to sleep on the long drive but we were packed in on the bus, they even have seats that fold down in the aisle.

Arrival at Abu Simbel was at 7am. It is pretty awesome. Two temples that were moved before the original area was flooded due to the high dam being built. The temples are Great Temple of Ramses II and Temple of Hathor. The Ramses’ Temple is really impressive with four colossal statues outside, The Temple of Hathor is dedicated to the Nubian queen Nefertari, Ramses' favourite wife and is smaller but just as magnificent. I went inside both temples and I thought they were fantastic. But the guys said they weren’t that impressed by the temples but liked the lake better. I also think Lake Nasser is wonderful, huge and gorgeous and if I am ever back in the area I want to do a cruise on it.

Leaving the site I stopped off at the loo, a guy who was attending/guarding it wanted me to pay a pound to pee. So I chatted to him until he let me go for free. I guess that officially makes me a toilet tramp/ washroom whore/ powder room pro…

We headed back towards Aswan and the tour went to the great high dam but me and the guys were like so we have to pay a fee just to see a dam. I think not. So we waited outside with the other cheapskates while the bus drove over the dam before picking us up again. We got a good view of the dam thing anyway as we drove off.

Next we visited another moved temple. The Philae Temple is on an island and we had to negotiate for the boat ride. In the tour bus we were told how much we should pay each but the boat operators did not want to go for this, we stood firm! And eventually got the right price and it is a lovely boat ride out to the island.

The temple was wonderful although one section had bats flying around inside, which was a little freaky at first. The island is a good size with lots of areas to see.  There was one area (I think it was called The Hathor Temple) that was just so photogenically perfect! I had to take a moment just sit and take in the beauty of it.

Last stop on the tour was the unfinished obelisk which me, the guys and most of the bus passengers passed on as it was up a lot of steps and well it’s just a rock right?

Ok I Google imaged it and I still don't regret not seeing it.

So back at the hotel I tried to talk the guy at reception into letting me use the hotel's washing machine. Doing laundry seems to be the main problem of my backpacking, it’s a never ending chore. The guy wouldn’t let me use the machine, but he did tell me amusing stories of how I couldn't use it because there were lions on the loose there.

So I was back to my usual method of doing it by hand (I am far too cheap to pay by piece, especially when underwear is involved). The guy did give me a plastic tub to do it in. but the bathroom was like a sauna as I slaved over my wenchly work.

It was pretty hot in Aswan and the relentless sun beating down on my rapidly becoming damaged skin caused me to go in search of a solution, the protection for my head and face I was seeking came in the form of a sunhat. I bought the biggest brimmed hat I could find. It was blue and The Gherkin called it a Tilley hat in his strange Canadian way.

I don't think I got a good deal since I suck at bargaining. I should have taken the Brazilian along with me to do it. But I did get given free scarab beetle beads.

Plus I made friends with the guy who owned the store. When I needed to change money he did it for me (being stuck with large bills was a constant problem). When I wanted to get my haircut (as much as I find looking for split ends a good standby entertainment) he told me where to go. When I couldn’t find the place he got someone to walk me to it. In return when I went to get some falafel and asked if he wanted some he requested a can of coke and I got him one.

It was all good. He wasn’t even upset when I picked something up off a shelf of souvenirs and knocked something which fell and hit a pile of ashtrays stacked below and breaking the top one. He just gave me the ashtray for free, I took a photo and left it at the hotel since I detest smoking and my pack was heavy enough for the trip back up towards Lower Egypt.

Walk like an Egyptian

After another nice beany breakfast we were off to Coptic Cairo, the old Christian area of the city. There were a few places of holy worship to be seen. Such as the Church of  St George and the Dragon (which the Greek ones tend to be), The Hanging Church (up a few steps) and St. Barbara's Church (she was killed by her father for converting, so I guess born again Christians were just as annoying back then)

I visited my first synagogue but as it used to be a church it didn’t look that different to me.

We also tried to peer over a fence to see the spot where it is claimed that Moses was found in his basket among the reeds. But there was really nothing to be seen there.

We caught a taxi to the Khan el-Khalili, it was amusing to watch The Brazilian negotiating. ‘I’m from Brazil. You know we don’t have any money. Only footballers have money there!’ it is impressive to see him haggling and he got us the price we wanted for the taxi.

The Khan el-Khalili is a cool market and I tried not to think about the whole terrorist bombing thing. It was fine when I was there. They only inconvenience we had was that it was the Muslim’s Friday prayers time when we arrived.

At one stall I was looking at the little sarcophagus on sale for the tourists and the seller asked me if I needed any help. So I told him that I was just looking for something to store my internal organs in… This amused the guys muchly.

I did not end up buying any sarcophagus or even any canopic jars so I am still with no firm plans for what to do with my insides when I die.

Leaving the Khan el-Khalili, The Gherkin wanted to walk. So off we went in the blazing afternoon sun. We ended up walking beside a busy road, past the Islamic area of Cairo. Up hill with traffic whizzing past and plodding on seemingly endlessly across the whole huge dirty city. Oh the number of taxis that would beep and slow down to try and get us. I have wondered how often Middle Eastern taxi drivers have to replace their horns, as they must wear out quickly from such overuse!

Eventually we struggled the last few steps to the citadel. It was closed due to the late time of our arrival.

I hadn’t had any great burning desire to see inside anyway so I just said oh well and took a couple of photos of the outside through the fence.

We then got a taxi back to the hostel and went to the nearby bridge to see the great Nile River (the Nile being straight across the road from the hostel). It’s so big it even has a TGI Fridays!  Yes very authentic Egyptian.

 

Back in the hostel I had to change rooms as they had a group arriving. So I suggested I just stay with the guys (they even had a spare bed in their room), they are my harem after all (I wonder what a male harem is called. I quite like the term erection collection for the kept boys although they might as well be eunuchs for all the action I get from them).

When the guy at the desk said I wasn't allowed to stay in the same room because we weren't married I said that I would marry The Brazilian, and I would do it right then and there if he got someone to do the paperwork (he has Brazil/Italy passports and a US green card, so beats The Gherkin’s single Canadian passport in my little marriage of convenience plan). I think the guy thought I was serious as he was like I can call someone, but I am not sure if he wanted to call someone to marry me and The Brazilian or to sell me to the highest bidder, I worth many camels here.

In the end I remained single and I slept alone in a different female dorm room. But having it all to myself made me happy.

 

Cairo Capers

I was feeling much better after my horrid first day in Egypt and we started the second day with the free hostel breakfast. It was pretty good, tasty fava beans which even came with a fresh lime wedge to squeeze on them. There was also bread and fig jam that just made me giggle and go look guys its figjam! Then we went to The Egyptian Museum of Antiquities. They are serious about no cameras there and we had to check them in before entering. So I only got a few photos outside where they do have a few statues and a nice pond with Lilly pads that I had to put devil duckie in.

Inside the museum is amazing! So many thousands of years of history! From trying to see the remains of a queen’s internal organs in their canopic jars to being blown away at the opulence of the treasures of King Tutankhamen, the place is awesome.

We paid the extra money to see the royal mummy rooms. I was like well it does cost more but I will remember the mummies more than most anything else I could spend the money on. Oh yes they will haunt my nightmares, as it was very creepy. The weird thing is that one of the queens actually has a strong resemblance to Whoopi Goldberg!

I lost the guys wandering around the antiquities. But when I was on the upper level and looking down over the railing I saw the guys down by the entrance.

So I asked a nearby guard the quickest way down, his accurate but not quite helpful reply was ‘jump’!

Wanting to get down quickly but not wanting to break myself in the process I took the second quickest option of the closest stairs that the guard rather more helpfully directed me to.

When I got down there the guys were gone however, so I sat and waited for them. They showed up again and I went to the loo.

In the ladies room there was a sign saying no tips. So when the bathroom attendant (who I suspect just came in to hang out for the day and request tips) asked for baksheesh I gave my best innocent look and pointed to the sign asking why it said to give no tips. I was told ok you can go and directed to the door.

On the way back to the hostel we made the mistake of taking the rush hour metro. It was seriously busy, like those pictures of the Japanese subway but without the official people pushers.

We each had a different experience. The Gherkin fell down between the train and the platform (all those mind the gap messages on the tube mustn’t have sunk in when he was in London). People just grabbed him, pulled him up and kept pushing him onto the train. The Brazilian could pass for a local so someone got upset that he didn’t respond when he was spoken to in Arabic, but when it became apparent he didn’t speak the language it was all ok. My own experience was being groped. I know we were crammed in there but his hand did not need to be there! Oh well it was the most action I’ve had since Gatwick security...

 

The next day was the pyramids! We hired a car and driver for the day, the Brazilian is a brilliant negotiator and got us a great price (one dodgy local said I could go for free if I went without the guys, yeah no thanks!). when people asked how much we paid and we told them they were amazed at how low the price was and said the car would be really old and unreliable. But it was actually quite nice. 

We went to the great pyramids of Giza first, they did try to drop us off by the stables but we weren’t going for that and got dropped off near the main entrance.

I had thought that the pyramids would be out in the desert but they are actually right on the edge of the city. Apparently they used to be isolated but the city grew out to them.

It was a bit hazy when we first arrived. So first we went into The Great Pyramid. It is the oldest and largest of the Giza pyramids, built for Khufu/Cheops it is the only remaining wonder of the seven wonders of the ancient world. Incredible to be inside such a structure but it is hot and not a place for claustrophobics and those that don’t like climbing many many steps. Inside I saw a chamber containing a red granite sarcophagus so if all the climbing kills you don’t worry there is a place for your body!

Back outside I lost the guys again (yeah it’s becoming a trend). So I wandered alone being a target for touts. They were offering rides on camels and horses as well as selling souvenirs.

I had a guy ask for my ticket, I was like do you work here? Why aren’t you in uniform? Can I see some ID? He was 'its ok, maybe later you ride camel or horse'. I told him to bite me!

Even the tourist police are in on the game, taking photos of tourists and then requesting tips. Its always baksheesh, baksheesh…

I had one tourist police officer show me around the last pyramid and take photos of me in all of the tacky tourist poses. Well it has to be done…

Afterwards he requested a tip so I gave him an Egyptian pound. I didn’t think I should sass him since he was holding a machine gun!

I then headed for The Sphinx. On the way I had one very persistent seller of souvenirs try the here have this as a gift trick on me. He followed me as I walked saying that he wanted to give me wherever he was flogging as a gift. I said no thanks but he still hung the item (I think it was a scarf) over my arm saying you no pay it gift and then demanded baksheesh. I just said I wasn’t going to give him anything so he might want to retrieve his item. He snatched it back and took off in a huff to find a more willing victim pretty damn quick. I kind of wish I had tried to keep it while claiming that my giving baksheesh would have been an insult to his generous gift etc, be fun to see how that played out mwahaha

I found the guys again near The Sphinx. We took photos (it really is smaller than you’d think) and then went to meet our car.

The next stop was Saqqara which has the Step Pyramid, the oldest pyramid. The place was so lovely and uncrowded. We wandered around the site without being bothered and saw some excellent hieroglyphics.

At Memphis we went to the open air museum. The highlights of this are the giant statues of Ramses II and the Sphinx.

Our last stop was at Dahshur where we went into the Red Pyramid. It is a bit of a climb up to the entrance and then it was a long way down the steep shaft. At the bottom there was a room with wooden stairs. I didn’t go up them as it smelt bad.

Back in Cairo we went for a walk to find food and I saw this (The photo isn’t too good as the place was closed and I took the picture through the glass door) yes grilled Viagra! Yummy.

Roman ruins and the medina maze

So the Gherkin and me arrived in Meknes Morocco and thought we had learnt our lesson in Rabat and not wanting to repeat our past mistake we disembarked at the main train station. Yup wrong again!

We should have got off at Meknes El –Amir.

The Gherkin wanted me to negotiate a price for the taxi so I walked up and said hello, the taxi driver said bonjour blah blah blah. I said to the Gherkin with his decade of French lessons “you’re up”!

We considered a hotel but the Gherkin wanted to go to the hostel so I went with it and off to the YHA hostel in a petite taxi we went.

We were both like hey I’ve got a YHA card I can use! But they weren’t even interested in seeing the cards so we just compared with each other since his was Canadian and mine Australian.

The hostel was good because we met other travellers and stayed up chatting to them. I ended the night with a nail cutting party as one young American chap was rather excited that I had clippers.

The Gherkin and I were in separate dorm rooms as they just had male and female. No in-betweens for those that could go either way, so the Gherkin got stuck with the boys which I am sure made him very happy.

He was also happy watching a thunder and lightning storm one night, it poured with rain but I missed it as I slept right through it.

At the hostel we met a Brazilian guy and organised to go and see the roman ruins at Volubilis with him and a couple who were also staying there (he was French she was Croatian).

So in the morning we all got a grand taxi to the nearby town (Moulay Idriss) and then on to the ruins.

It was the right time of year for the wildflowers to be peaking out around what was left of the old roman town. So pretty.

I was fascinated by a plant that looked just like giant asparagus. Images of the giant meals that could be made with it danced in my head. No idea how edible it actually is, I am going to guess not!

I liked that there are storks that nest up the top of the tall columns. It was quite windy there so they must have pretty sturdy nests. I am also pleased to report that they didn’t try to deliver any babies to me. Let’s keep it that way birdies and we

can be friends.

The ruins are awesome with great mosaics and we spent several hours wandering around looking at everything. We were a bit disappointed that the skeleton of a woman was no longer there, it was mentioned in the guide book but when we couldn’t find it we asked about it and

learnt it had been moved to a museum.

When done we all decided that we didn’t need a taxi and walked back to Moulay Idriss. It took about an hour to walk the 5km. but was only really up hill at the end so not so bad.

We had a delicious lunch (I had vegetable tagine) and then walked around the town a little and climbed many steps to check out the view.

We got a grand taxi back to Meknes. In total I paid about 25 dirham for the transport, one taxi tout tried to sell me a trip for like 300 dirham so I think I did pretty good doing it this way.

 

The next day The Gherkin and the Brazilian and I caught a train to Fes. It only has one station so at least we got off in the right place. But we got a little lost finding the

medina and then a lot lost in the medina.

We rejected the offers of the touts/guides who wanted us to pay them lots of dirham to show us around. So they thought it was pretty funny and kept laughing at us as we passed the same spot over and over.

To avoid the touts the Brazilian was telling people he was from Denmark and didn’t speak English. He had tried just saying he was from Brazil but the kid then spoke to him in perfect Portuguese! I just said I was German ja!

On the way to the medina we had met a Korean man as we looked at a garden and wondered if we could get in some other way as the gate was locked. He also wanted in but none of us achieved this.

Later inside the maze of medina alleyways we ran into him again and he showed us photos he had taken of the leather-dyeing pits. He gave us directions and tips on finding it, we of course just got lost. I didn’t really want to find them anyway since I hate leather. But I think that we also found the leather tanneries because I could

smell them and it stunk! I was close enough for the stench of death to be upon me.

That wasn’t the only really horrible thing there as there were severed heads of goats and a camel (outside a butcher selling camel meat). It was pretty damn disturbing!

We walked back to the train station and got an express train back to Meknes. Sat with a lovely local guy who didn’t speak English but when he saw us reading the train times details in the guidebook he gave us his timetable.

My legs and feet were so sore at bedtime after so much walking, most of it in the same circles in the labyrinth lanes of the medina. But getting lost is Fes is really the whole point of experiencing the place!

 

 

The bikini rumba ban

We arrived in Essaouira on the coast of Morocco after dark and after enduring a long bus ride. Both the Gherkin and I felt a bit sick. I had a dodgy belly and was tired. But I was well enough to laugh when The Gherkin was called a girl by one of the many touts who met the bus. Well he does have quite a girlish figure and long hair!

Things were looking up when we found the hostel, its bathroom and it’s free wifi. I was lying on my bed online and feeling better. That’s when I noticed a bug, and another and another. They were bedbugs and they were swarming! When I had lain down on the bed it had been clean and clear, no sign of anything untoward. Then suddenly there were masses of the creepy little insects all crawling around and biting.

The teeming terrors were everywhere. I woke the Gherkin up from his pestfulled slumber telling him we had to move.

We got a new room up at the top of the hostel. I spotted 2 bugs that I guess had stowed away on my bag to our new destination (be a bedbug, see the world!) and dispatched them to vermin hell with a quick stomping. It left a smear of blood on the floor and the Gherkin called me a bad vegan but I am sure it was my blood dammit!

The new room was up 3 sets of steep spiral stairs. But we had a kitchen just outside our room which was handy. My favourite meal was to get a fresh still warm baguette and fill it with sliced avocado. So delicious!

Mostly I liked to hang out at the hostel and wander around the old city. We did go to the beach one day but it was very windy. The Gherkin and Devil Duckie splashed around in the water (the Gherkin made sure my duckie didn’t make any seaward escape attempts) but I just got my feet wet.

We walked around to the fort area. I liked the green rocks and blue boats. Such a picturesque place! But I warn those with a fear of birds that they were swarming almost as much as the bedbugs.

Back at the hostel there was no reappearance of any bedbugs. This was good, plus the hostel had some amusing signs. I took a photo of one that said not to sing Michael Jackson songs after midnight and the Gherkin took one warning not to do the rumba in your bikini!

A noteworthy event was that I finally got my laundry done. After so long washing it a bit at a time in hotel sinks it was lovely to have everything done at once, so nice and fresh and clean. I was a bit worried when my stuff was hung out to dry on the rooftop terrace area and the wind blew it down to outside my room. But I appear to have gotten everything back unharmed by any adventures they may have had.

The other significant incident in Essaouira was that The Gherkin and I had a fight at a restaurant. It was a silly little silent fight. I was unhappy that he was smoking and the stinky smoke was blowing over me. Then he told me that I could ask for the bill anytime I wanted to. This just annoyed me even more. I was pissy because he has 10 years of French classes and I have no years. So all I could think was that he can ask easier than I can, so why make me do it? So we sat there waiting to see who would give in first.

This came to a conclusion with him throwing down some money and saying he would meet me at the hostel. So I paid the bill and kept his change.

 

Sahara Sojourn

The Gherkin and I ventured out to see more of Morocco by booking a trip on a two night tour to see the Sahara Desert.

Day 1

We left Marrakech at 7am in a van with 8 tourists and 1 driver. Starting off with a drive over the hills I started to feel a bit carsick so I sat in the front. The driver had a whole bunch of aussie stuff given to him by previous tourists, so I tried to teach him to say aussie aussie aussie oi oi oi! Just doing my bit for international relations…

When we stopped for a break a shopkeeper got me to try on a berber scarf, he wrapped it around my head and I thought I looked like a ninja and said so. I then left the shop and he kept calling to try and get me back by going ninja ninja!

We went to see Kasbah Ait Ben Haddou where you had to cross a river on a donkey so I passed, I felt bad for those poor overworked donkeys. It was so windy the dust blew everywhere. My hair felt awful and it was even in my ears.

I went to the toilet and I had given the boy 1 dirham since there was toilet paper but the boy chased after me wanting more money. I refused to give him another dirham as there was no running water. But the driver of the van gave it to him. Oi!

Lunch was at some kind of movie studio but by the time we had eaten we really didn’t have time to look around. We also lost two of our group here as one girl wasn’t feeling good so she and her friend bailed on us.

We drove on past so many gorgeous buildings that looked just like giant sandcastles. At one photo stop my devil duckie who should really appreciate the free trip around the world that I am providing him with, made an escape attempt. He was assisted by the strong wind which helped to launch him over a cliff. Could my rubber duck be suicidal? Or was it just the evil force of the wind trying to separate us. Either way my duck was down the bottom of a steep slope and I was distraught.

Luckily the crisis was averted when our lovely driver actually climbed down to rescue my little travel mascot. Oh my hero!

We spent the night at a hotel called aubergeleviux chateau dudades in the Dades Gorge. I shared with an English woman I’ll call Amelia and the Gherkin shared with a Japanese guy.

I went for a walk up the hill with Amelia and I loved how there were very cute mini little castles built along the road. At dinner I was feeling a bit blah and it just seemed like too much effort to eat. Guess I wasn’t completely over my illness as I was feeling sick on and off.

 

Day 2

We set off early and drove to where we went for a walk in an oasis called Tingher Palmiere. Amelia made friends with a donkey and then a dog. I saw some women doing their washing in a river and it was like wow am I going to have to resort to that to get my clothes clean? (My search for a Laundromat in Marrakech having been a complete washout).

Our walk ended at a Berber home where we drank tea and got to see some rugs and how they are made. I thought it was cool that one of the fibres used is cactus.

We next went to see the Todra Gorge, star of a Mission Impossible movie I haven’t seen.

There was a dog lying there that would wag its tail when we approached, I called it friendly dog. The Gherkin said he was gonna take a photo of it just lying there and call it dead dog.

We had lunch in a lovely shaded tent, so nice to just lie back and relax in it. Plus there were a couple of tortoises there just crawling around for me to ooh over. I so want one as a pet!

After lunch we headed for the Sahara. During the last section the driver ended up racing us over to the sand speeding along dirt tracks and passing other vehicles. Eat our dust suckers!

I felt bad about riding a camel so I got the driver to ask the camel if it was happy about me being carried by it (apparently these camels only spoke berber) when he asked if it was ok the camel started to stand up so we took it as a yes. I was told that the camel’s name was Omar Sharif but later I was told his name was Bob Marley (they probably just make up a name when tourists ask). Omar/Bob was not a comfortable ride, it hurts! The saddle was sore and my inner thighs ached.

Amelia called her camel Grumpy as he complained a lot and the Gherkin called his Butt Sniffer as he was rather interested in Grumpy’s behind.

The hour long ride into the Sahara was wonderful. It was dusk so wasn’t too hot or sunny just very pleasant and the sand dunes were so peaceful, pristine and perfect.

Getting off my camel I managed to kick the one behind it in the head. I didn’t mean to, the camels lie down in a row and I didn’t realise that the one behind had its head so close when I was struggling to get my leg off my camel. The Gherkin wasn’t about to let me forget my moment of camel abuse either. But the camel didn’t actually seem to mind that much. Must be used to stupid tourists.

At the camp the others attempted to climb a huge sand dune I wandered around and talked to some Berbers, its funny how traditional they seem until I saw one with an mp3 player and spotted a white lacy gsting lying around in the sand…

There were sheep, goats and cats as well as chickens running around and I wasn’t surprised that dinner was chicken. I had vegetables that were delicious, caramelised onion and potato but sadly most of it was carrots. Good carrots but far too many of them. Perhaps served to help me see in the great darkness of the Sahara.

One of the Berber guys then drew me a picture of a camel train and then they got out their drums. We all played and sang into the night.

Amelia thought she saw a camel spider and freaked out a bit. I doubt it was one but it became a bit of a joke on the trip. Watch out for that camel spider!

Despite the arachnids me, Amelia and the Gherkin slept outside together under the desert sky. It was nice as we shared stories and secrets and looked for shooting stars.

 

Day 3

Woke up early and we couldn’t find the Japanese guy. Had the camel spiders gotten him? Nope turned out that in true Japanese tourist fashion he had climbed up a big sand dune to take many photos.

When we had him back we got on the camels again and set off back to civilisation. I was on Omar/Bob and he was the first camel in the train again. The guy leading the camels was singing Bob Marley and we sang along. Get up stand up, stand up for your rights!

The camel train of song took an hour to get back to the base where we had breakfast.

Back in the van we began the long drive back to Marrakech.

Marrakech Express

Accommodation:

So we arrived in Marrakech Morocco after all night on a train. The Gherkin had a hotel recommendation but did not know how to find it. We found an internet café and tried Google maps, where they pretty much said yeah we haven’t the foggiest clue either, so don’t bother following us!

When wandering the streets didn’t work out, we found a taxi with a driver who said he knew the place and got him to drop us there.

The hotel caters for Moroccan travellers and was very basic but cheap. I let the Gherkin talk since he knows some French. We ended up in a room with one double bed. Local travellers have to show a marriage certificate before they can share a room. I ended up sharing a double bed with a very much unmarried gay boy!

We just got out our sleeping bags and shared the bed by using them on top of it.

The Gherkin who had expressed a deep hatred for my crocs nevertheless was willing to wear them in the dodgy hotel shared showers.

 

Food:

Walking around the market I saw a guy pulling a cart with vegetarian and vegan written on it. He spotted me staring and gave me a card for The Earth Café. We went there and it was great! Big meals with lots of fresh veggies.

I also loved eating in the centre of the place djemaa el- fna. At night the marketplace is full of food stalls and waiters try to get you to eat at their stall. The funniest moment involved the Gherkin pulling me away while a waiter yelled after us calling him a mamma’s boy! It doesn’t even make sense! But after that we avoided that stall and the Gherkin wouldn’t even walk near it.

Our favourite stall didn’t serve mint tea but others were offering it free if you ate there, so I said to our waiter hey they have free mint tea, what do you have? So he went to another stall and got me free mint tea! It is very nice and sweet, like the waiter!

But my main addiction was the fabulous fresh orange juice sold at carts around the square for 3 dirham. It was so good! I usually hate orange juice (I think it’s the preservatives that make it taste awful) but this is just lovely cold pure fresh squeezed juice. It’s so delicious I had to have at least 2 glasses a day.

 

Health:

The Gherkin got sick one day I think it was coming out of both ends of the unfortunate young boy. But it only lasted a day. The next day I got sick but I didn’t have it as bad, just felt a bit nauseous so I stayed in bed all morning and felt sorry for myself until I felt well enough to venture out that afternoon. I guess it was just our bodies adjusting to a new county and its new germs.

 

Beauty and Shopping:

We got henna tattoos done, I think we vastly overpaid but the Gherkin wanted to do it so I just went with it. It got it on my hands and he got a scorpion on his arm.

I bought some soap made from argan nut, I was glad I only went for soap and didn’t try eating the edible oil when I found out later that the oil comes from a nut that has come out the back end of a goat!

I bought some perfume because a glass bottle of liquid is a great thing to carry around when backpacking. At least I only got one bottle. The Gherkin got 2!

A merchant trying to sell me a shirt told me that I am worth 5000 camels, but I didn’t buy anything so I guess my value has dropped in his eyes.