Great Adventures of a Green Goddess

Walk like an Egyptian

After another nice beany breakfast we were off to Coptic Cairo, the old Christian area of the city. There were a few places of holy worship to be seen. Such as the Church of  St George and the Dragon (which the Greek ones tend to be), The Hanging Church (up a few steps) and St. Barbara's Church (she was killed by her father for converting, so I guess born again Christians were just as annoying back then)

I visited my first synagogue but as it used to be a church it didn’t look that different to me.

We also tried to peer over a fence to see the spot where it is claimed that Moses was found in his basket among the reeds. But there was really nothing to be seen there.

We caught a taxi to the Khan el-Khalili, it was amusing to watch The Brazilian negotiating. ‘I’m from Brazil. You know we don’t have any money. Only footballers have money there!’ it is impressive to see him haggling and he got us the price we wanted for the taxi.

The Khan el-Khalili is a cool market and I tried not to think about the whole terrorist bombing thing. It was fine when I was there. They only inconvenience we had was that it was the Muslim’s Friday prayers time when we arrived.

At one stall I was looking at the little sarcophagus on sale for the tourists and the seller asked me if I needed any help. So I told him that I was just looking for something to store my internal organs in… This amused the guys muchly.

I did not end up buying any sarcophagus or even any canopic jars so I am still with no firm plans for what to do with my insides when I die.

Leaving the Khan el-Khalili, The Gherkin wanted to walk. So off we went in the blazing afternoon sun. We ended up walking beside a busy road, past the Islamic area of Cairo. Up hill with traffic whizzing past and plodding on seemingly endlessly across the whole huge dirty city. Oh the number of taxis that would beep and slow down to try and get us. I have wondered how often Middle Eastern taxi drivers have to replace their horns, as they must wear out quickly from such overuse!

Eventually we struggled the last few steps to the citadel. It was closed due to the late time of our arrival.

I hadn’t had any great burning desire to see inside anyway so I just said oh well and took a couple of photos of the outside through the fence.

We then got a taxi back to the hostel and went to the nearby bridge to see the great Nile River (the Nile being straight across the road from the hostel). It’s so big it even has a TGI Fridays!  Yes very authentic Egyptian.

 

Back in the hostel I had to change rooms as they had a group arriving. So I suggested I just stay with the guys (they even had a spare bed in their room), they are my harem after all (I wonder what a male harem is called. I quite like the term erection collection for the kept boys although they might as well be eunuchs for all the action I get from them).

When the guy at the desk said I wasn't allowed to stay in the same room because we weren't married I said that I would marry The Brazilian, and I would do it right then and there if he got someone to do the paperwork (he has Brazil/Italy passports and a US green card, so beats The Gherkin’s single Canadian passport in my little marriage of convenience plan). I think the guy thought I was serious as he was like I can call someone, but I am not sure if he wanted to call someone to marry me and The Brazilian or to sell me to the highest bidder, I worth many camels here.

In the end I remained single and I slept alone in a different female dorm room. But having it all to myself made me happy.

 

Cairo Capers

I was feeling much better after my horrid first day in Egypt and we started the second day with the free hostel breakfast. It was pretty good, tasty fava beans which even came with a fresh lime wedge to squeeze on them. There was also bread and fig jam that just made me giggle and go look guys its figjam! Then we went to The Egyptian Museum of Antiquities. They are serious about no cameras there and we had to check them in before entering. So I only got a few photos outside where they do have a few statues and a nice pond with Lilly pads that I had to put devil duckie in.

Inside the museum is amazing! So many thousands of years of history! From trying to see the remains of a queen’s internal organs in their canopic jars to being blown away at the opulence of the treasures of King Tutankhamen, the place is awesome.

We paid the extra money to see the royal mummy rooms. I was like well it does cost more but I will remember the mummies more than most anything else I could spend the money on. Oh yes they will haunt my nightmares, as it was very creepy. The weird thing is that one of the queens actually has a strong resemblance to Whoopi Goldberg!

I lost the guys wandering around the antiquities. But when I was on the upper level and looking down over the railing I saw the guys down by the entrance.

So I asked a nearby guard the quickest way down, his accurate but not quite helpful reply was ‘jump’!

Wanting to get down quickly but not wanting to break myself in the process I took the second quickest option of the closest stairs that the guard rather more helpfully directed me to.

When I got down there the guys were gone however, so I sat and waited for them. They showed up again and I went to the loo.

In the ladies room there was a sign saying no tips. So when the bathroom attendant (who I suspect just came in to hang out for the day and request tips) asked for baksheesh I gave my best innocent look and pointed to the sign asking why it said to give no tips. I was told ok you can go and directed to the door.

On the way back to the hostel we made the mistake of taking the rush hour metro. It was seriously busy, like those pictures of the Japanese subway but without the official people pushers.

We each had a different experience. The Gherkin fell down between the train and the platform (all those mind the gap messages on the tube mustn’t have sunk in when he was in London). People just grabbed him, pulled him up and kept pushing him onto the train. The Brazilian could pass for a local so someone got upset that he didn’t respond when he was spoken to in Arabic, but when it became apparent he didn’t speak the language it was all ok. My own experience was being groped. I know we were crammed in there but his hand did not need to be there! Oh well it was the most action I’ve had since Gatwick security...

 

The next day was the pyramids! We hired a car and driver for the day, the Brazilian is a brilliant negotiator and got us a great price (one dodgy local said I could go for free if I went without the guys, yeah no thanks!). when people asked how much we paid and we told them they were amazed at how low the price was and said the car would be really old and unreliable. But it was actually quite nice. 

We went to the great pyramids of Giza first, they did try to drop us off by the stables but we weren’t going for that and got dropped off near the main entrance.

I had thought that the pyramids would be out in the desert but they are actually right on the edge of the city. Apparently they used to be isolated but the city grew out to them.

It was a bit hazy when we first arrived. So first we went into The Great Pyramid. It is the oldest and largest of the Giza pyramids, built for Khufu/Cheops it is the only remaining wonder of the seven wonders of the ancient world. Incredible to be inside such a structure but it is hot and not a place for claustrophobics and those that don’t like climbing many many steps. Inside I saw a chamber containing a red granite sarcophagus so if all the climbing kills you don’t worry there is a place for your body!

Back outside I lost the guys again (yeah it’s becoming a trend). So I wandered alone being a target for touts. They were offering rides on camels and horses as well as selling souvenirs.

I had a guy ask for my ticket, I was like do you work here? Why aren’t you in uniform? Can I see some ID? He was 'its ok, maybe later you ride camel or horse'. I told him to bite me!

Even the tourist police are in on the game, taking photos of tourists and then requesting tips. Its always baksheesh, baksheesh…

I had one tourist police officer show me around the last pyramid and take photos of me in all of the tacky tourist poses. Well it has to be done…

Afterwards he requested a tip so I gave him an Egyptian pound. I didn’t think I should sass him since he was holding a machine gun!

I then headed for The Sphinx. On the way I had one very persistent seller of souvenirs try the here have this as a gift trick on me. He followed me as I walked saying that he wanted to give me wherever he was flogging as a gift. I said no thanks but he still hung the item (I think it was a scarf) over my arm saying you no pay it gift and then demanded baksheesh. I just said I wasn’t going to give him anything so he might want to retrieve his item. He snatched it back and took off in a huff to find a more willing victim pretty damn quick. I kind of wish I had tried to keep it while claiming that my giving baksheesh would have been an insult to his generous gift etc, be fun to see how that played out mwahaha

I found the guys again near The Sphinx. We took photos (it really is smaller than you’d think) and then went to meet our car.

The next stop was Saqqara which has the Step Pyramid, the oldest pyramid. The place was so lovely and uncrowded. We wandered around the site without being bothered and saw some excellent hieroglyphics.

At Memphis we went to the open air museum. The highlights of this are the giant statues of Ramses II and the Sphinx.

Our last stop was at Dahshur where we went into the Red Pyramid. It is a bit of a climb up to the entrance and then it was a long way down the steep shaft. At the bottom there was a room with wooden stairs. I didn’t go up them as it smelt bad.

Back in Cairo we went for a walk to find food and I saw this (The photo isn’t too good as the place was closed and I took the picture through the glass door) yes grilled Viagra! Yummy.

Roman ruins and the medina maze

So the Gherkin and me arrived in Meknes Morocco and thought we had learnt our lesson in Rabat and not wanting to repeat our past mistake we disembarked at the main train station. Yup wrong again!

We should have got off at Meknes El –Amir.

The Gherkin wanted me to negotiate a price for the taxi so I walked up and said hello, the taxi driver said bonjour blah blah blah. I said to the Gherkin with his decade of French lessons “you’re up”!

We considered a hotel but the Gherkin wanted to go to the hostel so I went with it and off to the YHA hostel in a petite taxi we went.

We were both like hey I’ve got a YHA card I can use! But they weren’t even interested in seeing the cards so we just compared with each other since his was Canadian and mine Australian.

The hostel was good because we met other travellers and stayed up chatting to them. I ended the night with a nail cutting party as one young American chap was rather excited that I had clippers.

The Gherkin and I were in separate dorm rooms as they just had male and female. No in-betweens for those that could go either way, so the Gherkin got stuck with the boys which I am sure made him very happy.

He was also happy watching a thunder and lightning storm one night, it poured with rain but I missed it as I slept right through it.

At the hostel we met a Brazilian guy and organised to go and see the roman ruins at Volubilis with him and a couple who were also staying there (he was French she was Croatian).

So in the morning we all got a grand taxi to the nearby town (Moulay Idriss) and then on to the ruins.

It was the right time of year for the wildflowers to be peaking out around what was left of the old roman town. So pretty.

I was fascinated by a plant that looked just like giant asparagus. Images of the giant meals that could be made with it danced in my head. No idea how edible it actually is, I am going to guess not!

I liked that there are storks that nest up the top of the tall columns. It was quite windy there so they must have pretty sturdy nests. I am also pleased to report that they didn’t try to deliver any babies to me. Let’s keep it that way birdies and we

can be friends.

The ruins are awesome with great mosaics and we spent several hours wandering around looking at everything. We were a bit disappointed that the skeleton of a woman was no longer there, it was mentioned in the guide book but when we couldn’t find it we asked about it and

learnt it had been moved to a museum.

When done we all decided that we didn’t need a taxi and walked back to Moulay Idriss. It took about an hour to walk the 5km. but was only really up hill at the end so not so bad.

We had a delicious lunch (I had vegetable tagine) and then walked around the town a little and climbed many steps to check out the view.

We got a grand taxi back to Meknes. In total I paid about 25 dirham for the transport, one taxi tout tried to sell me a trip for like 300 dirham so I think I did pretty good doing it this way.

 

The next day The Gherkin and the Brazilian and I caught a train to Fes. It only has one station so at least we got off in the right place. But we got a little lost finding the

medina and then a lot lost in the medina.

We rejected the offers of the touts/guides who wanted us to pay them lots of dirham to show us around. So they thought it was pretty funny and kept laughing at us as we passed the same spot over and over.

To avoid the touts the Brazilian was telling people he was from Denmark and didn’t speak English. He had tried just saying he was from Brazil but the kid then spoke to him in perfect Portuguese! I just said I was German ja!

On the way to the medina we had met a Korean man as we looked at a garden and wondered if we could get in some other way as the gate was locked. He also wanted in but none of us achieved this.

Later inside the maze of medina alleyways we ran into him again and he showed us photos he had taken of the leather-dyeing pits. He gave us directions and tips on finding it, we of course just got lost. I didn’t really want to find them anyway since I hate leather. But I think that we also found the leather tanneries because I could

smell them and it stunk! I was close enough for the stench of death to be upon me.

That wasn’t the only really horrible thing there as there were severed heads of goats and a camel (outside a butcher selling camel meat). It was pretty damn disturbing!

We walked back to the train station and got an express train back to Meknes. Sat with a lovely local guy who didn’t speak English but when he saw us reading the train times details in the guidebook he gave us his timetable.

My legs and feet were so sore at bedtime after so much walking, most of it in the same circles in the labyrinth lanes of the medina. But getting lost is Fes is really the whole point of experiencing the place!

 

 

The bikini rumba ban

We arrived in Essaouira on the coast of Morocco after dark and after enduring a long bus ride. Both the Gherkin and I felt a bit sick. I had a dodgy belly and was tired. But I was well enough to laugh when The Gherkin was called a girl by one of the many touts who met the bus. Well he does have quite a girlish figure and long hair!

Things were looking up when we found the hostel, its bathroom and it’s free wifi. I was lying on my bed online and feeling better. That’s when I noticed a bug, and another and another. They were bedbugs and they were swarming! When I had lain down on the bed it had been clean and clear, no sign of anything untoward. Then suddenly there were masses of the creepy little insects all crawling around and biting.

The teeming terrors were everywhere. I woke the Gherkin up from his pestfulled slumber telling him we had to move.

We got a new room up at the top of the hostel. I spotted 2 bugs that I guess had stowed away on my bag to our new destination (be a bedbug, see the world!) and dispatched them to vermin hell with a quick stomping. It left a smear of blood on the floor and the Gherkin called me a bad vegan but I am sure it was my blood dammit!

The new room was up 3 sets of steep spiral stairs. But we had a kitchen just outside our room which was handy. My favourite meal was to get a fresh still warm baguette and fill it with sliced avocado. So delicious!

Mostly I liked to hang out at the hostel and wander around the old city. We did go to the beach one day but it was very windy. The Gherkin and Devil Duckie splashed around in the water (the Gherkin made sure my duckie didn’t make any seaward escape attempts) but I just got my feet wet.

We walked around to the fort area. I liked the green rocks and blue boats. Such a picturesque place! But I warn those with a fear of birds that they were swarming almost as much as the bedbugs.

Back at the hostel there was no reappearance of any bedbugs. This was good, plus the hostel had some amusing signs. I took a photo of one that said not to sing Michael Jackson songs after midnight and the Gherkin took one warning not to do the rumba in your bikini!

A noteworthy event was that I finally got my laundry done. After so long washing it a bit at a time in hotel sinks it was lovely to have everything done at once, so nice and fresh and clean. I was a bit worried when my stuff was hung out to dry on the rooftop terrace area and the wind blew it down to outside my room. But I appear to have gotten everything back unharmed by any adventures they may have had.

The other significant incident in Essaouira was that The Gherkin and I had a fight at a restaurant. It was a silly little silent fight. I was unhappy that he was smoking and the stinky smoke was blowing over me. Then he told me that I could ask for the bill anytime I wanted to. This just annoyed me even more. I was pissy because he has 10 years of French classes and I have no years. So all I could think was that he can ask easier than I can, so why make me do it? So we sat there waiting to see who would give in first.

This came to a conclusion with him throwing down some money and saying he would meet me at the hostel. So I paid the bill and kept his change.

 

Sahara Sojourn

The Gherkin and I ventured out to see more of Morocco by booking a trip on a two night tour to see the Sahara Desert.

Day 1

We left Marrakech at 7am in a van with 8 tourists and 1 driver. Starting off with a drive over the hills I started to feel a bit carsick so I sat in the front. The driver had a whole bunch of aussie stuff given to him by previous tourists, so I tried to teach him to say aussie aussie aussie oi oi oi! Just doing my bit for international relations…

When we stopped for a break a shopkeeper got me to try on a berber scarf, he wrapped it around my head and I thought I looked like a ninja and said so. I then left the shop and he kept calling to try and get me back by going ninja ninja!

We went to see Kasbah Ait Ben Haddou where you had to cross a river on a donkey so I passed, I felt bad for those poor overworked donkeys. It was so windy the dust blew everywhere. My hair felt awful and it was even in my ears.

I went to the toilet and I had given the boy 1 dirham since there was toilet paper but the boy chased after me wanting more money. I refused to give him another dirham as there was no running water. But the driver of the van gave it to him. Oi!

Lunch was at some kind of movie studio but by the time we had eaten we really didn’t have time to look around. We also lost two of our group here as one girl wasn’t feeling good so she and her friend bailed on us.

We drove on past so many gorgeous buildings that looked just like giant sandcastles. At one photo stop my devil duckie who should really appreciate the free trip around the world that I am providing him with, made an escape attempt. He was assisted by the strong wind which helped to launch him over a cliff. Could my rubber duck be suicidal? Or was it just the evil force of the wind trying to separate us. Either way my duck was down the bottom of a steep slope and I was distraught.

Luckily the crisis was averted when our lovely driver actually climbed down to rescue my little travel mascot. Oh my hero!

We spent the night at a hotel called aubergeleviux chateau dudades in the Dades Gorge. I shared with an English woman I’ll call Amelia and the Gherkin shared with a Japanese guy.

I went for a walk up the hill with Amelia and I loved how there were very cute mini little castles built along the road. At dinner I was feeling a bit blah and it just seemed like too much effort to eat. Guess I wasn’t completely over my illness as I was feeling sick on and off.

 

Day 2

We set off early and drove to where we went for a walk in an oasis called Tingher Palmiere. Amelia made friends with a donkey and then a dog. I saw some women doing their washing in a river and it was like wow am I going to have to resort to that to get my clothes clean? (My search for a Laundromat in Marrakech having been a complete washout).

Our walk ended at a Berber home where we drank tea and got to see some rugs and how they are made. I thought it was cool that one of the fibres used is cactus.

We next went to see the Todra Gorge, star of a Mission Impossible movie I haven’t seen.

There was a dog lying there that would wag its tail when we approached, I called it friendly dog. The Gherkin said he was gonna take a photo of it just lying there and call it dead dog.

We had lunch in a lovely shaded tent, so nice to just lie back and relax in it. Plus there were a couple of tortoises there just crawling around for me to ooh over. I so want one as a pet!

After lunch we headed for the Sahara. During the last section the driver ended up racing us over to the sand speeding along dirt tracks and passing other vehicles. Eat our dust suckers!

I felt bad about riding a camel so I got the driver to ask the camel if it was happy about me being carried by it (apparently these camels only spoke berber) when he asked if it was ok the camel started to stand up so we took it as a yes. I was told that the camel’s name was Omar Sharif but later I was told his name was Bob Marley (they probably just make up a name when tourists ask). Omar/Bob was not a comfortable ride, it hurts! The saddle was sore and my inner thighs ached.

Amelia called her camel Grumpy as he complained a lot and the Gherkin called his Butt Sniffer as he was rather interested in Grumpy’s behind.

The hour long ride into the Sahara was wonderful. It was dusk so wasn’t too hot or sunny just very pleasant and the sand dunes were so peaceful, pristine and perfect.

Getting off my camel I managed to kick the one behind it in the head. I didn’t mean to, the camels lie down in a row and I didn’t realise that the one behind had its head so close when I was struggling to get my leg off my camel. The Gherkin wasn’t about to let me forget my moment of camel abuse either. But the camel didn’t actually seem to mind that much. Must be used to stupid tourists.

At the camp the others attempted to climb a huge sand dune I wandered around and talked to some Berbers, its funny how traditional they seem until I saw one with an mp3 player and spotted a white lacy gsting lying around in the sand…

There were sheep, goats and cats as well as chickens running around and I wasn’t surprised that dinner was chicken. I had vegetables that were delicious, caramelised onion and potato but sadly most of it was carrots. Good carrots but far too many of them. Perhaps served to help me see in the great darkness of the Sahara.

One of the Berber guys then drew me a picture of a camel train and then they got out their drums. We all played and sang into the night.

Amelia thought she saw a camel spider and freaked out a bit. I doubt it was one but it became a bit of a joke on the trip. Watch out for that camel spider!

Despite the arachnids me, Amelia and the Gherkin slept outside together under the desert sky. It was nice as we shared stories and secrets and looked for shooting stars.

 

Day 3

Woke up early and we couldn’t find the Japanese guy. Had the camel spiders gotten him? Nope turned out that in true Japanese tourist fashion he had climbed up a big sand dune to take many photos.

When we had him back we got on the camels again and set off back to civilisation. I was on Omar/Bob and he was the first camel in the train again. The guy leading the camels was singing Bob Marley and we sang along. Get up stand up, stand up for your rights!

The camel train of song took an hour to get back to the base where we had breakfast.

Back in the van we began the long drive back to Marrakech.

Marrakech Express

Accommodation:

So we arrived in Marrakech Morocco after all night on a train. The Gherkin had a hotel recommendation but did not know how to find it. We found an internet café and tried Google maps, where they pretty much said yeah we haven’t the foggiest clue either, so don’t bother following us!

When wandering the streets didn’t work out, we found a taxi with a driver who said he knew the place and got him to drop us there.

The hotel caters for Moroccan travellers and was very basic but cheap. I let the Gherkin talk since he knows some French. We ended up in a room with one double bed. Local travellers have to show a marriage certificate before they can share a room. I ended up sharing a double bed with a very much unmarried gay boy!

We just got out our sleeping bags and shared the bed by using them on top of it.

The Gherkin who had expressed a deep hatred for my crocs nevertheless was willing to wear them in the dodgy hotel shared showers.

 

Food:

Walking around the market I saw a guy pulling a cart with vegetarian and vegan written on it. He spotted me staring and gave me a card for The Earth Café. We went there and it was great! Big meals with lots of fresh veggies.

I also loved eating in the centre of the place djemaa el- fna. At night the marketplace is full of food stalls and waiters try to get you to eat at their stall. The funniest moment involved the Gherkin pulling me away while a waiter yelled after us calling him a mamma’s boy! It doesn’t even make sense! But after that we avoided that stall and the Gherkin wouldn’t even walk near it.

Our favourite stall didn’t serve mint tea but others were offering it free if you ate there, so I said to our waiter hey they have free mint tea, what do you have? So he went to another stall and got me free mint tea! It is very nice and sweet, like the waiter!

But my main addiction was the fabulous fresh orange juice sold at carts around the square for 3 dirham. It was so good! I usually hate orange juice (I think it’s the preservatives that make it taste awful) but this is just lovely cold pure fresh squeezed juice. It’s so delicious I had to have at least 2 glasses a day.

 

Health:

The Gherkin got sick one day I think it was coming out of both ends of the unfortunate young boy. But it only lasted a day. The next day I got sick but I didn’t have it as bad, just felt a bit nauseous so I stayed in bed all morning and felt sorry for myself until I felt well enough to venture out that afternoon. I guess it was just our bodies adjusting to a new county and its new germs.

 

Beauty and Shopping:

We got henna tattoos done, I think we vastly overpaid but the Gherkin wanted to do it so I just went with it. It got it on my hands and he got a scorpion on his arm.

I bought some soap made from argan nut, I was glad I only went for soap and didn’t try eating the edible oil when I found out later that the oil comes from a nut that has come out the back end of a goat!

I bought some perfume because a glass bottle of liquid is a great thing to carry around when backpacking. At least I only got one bottle. The Gherkin got 2!

A merchant trying to sell me a shirt told me that I am worth 5000 camels, but I didn’t buy anything so I guess my value has dropped in his eyes.

The call of the wild fruit

The streets of Seville are lined with leafy orange trees full of fruit hanging brightly from the branches. I was so tempted to steal an orange. There were so many of them just hanging there in the street unprotected, juicy little orbs just waiting to be plucked. Oh how I wanted a succulent little orange. But then before I got the nerve to attempt some grand theft citrus, I was warned off them. My sources told me that they are sprayed to stop the birds eating them and weren’t good eating anyway as they are far too sour or bitter or something. Such a shame!

But I did see some good eating for the Big Banana, I even took a photo of the range of calippos available for him as soon as he gets himself to Spain.

Go my lovely, gorge yourself on these icy poles. So cool, sweet and sticky for long slow summertime sucking. Bet that has him booking a plane ticket, or perhaps I need to mention the hot Spanish men?

Anyway we stayed at another hostel and its funny how we kept meeting up with people from previous hostels. Felt like we were on the backpacker trail, done this stop then this is where you must go next…

I was in bitch mode at this one because someone has left their backpack on the bed I had been assigned. It was a top bunk anyway so I didn’t want it and I just lay on the bed below it announcing that I wasn’t moving. I told the poor guy from the desk that if the rightful owner of this bed wanted it then there would be a smackdown and he could sell tickets. Nothing that exciting happened. The guy who’s bed it was turned up and turned out to be a real sweetie. He offered to take the top bunk. I was willing to have his babies.

The hostel offered a free (just had to pay for the food) tapas and flamenco tour one night so we went. I had a delicious dish of spinach with chickpeas. The whole thing cost me €2 which I thought was a good deal until I learnt that thought some tricky financial transactions at his table, the Gherkin had paid nothing (he might even have been paid to be there). The flamenco dancing place was very crowded. It had a couple of musicians and one woman doing the dancing. It was very authentic and interesting to watch, such a fun night.

Despite a guy at dinner going on about how great bullfighting is (when he wasn’t telling me how he came to Spain to stalk a girl he met once in a bar…). I avoided such cruelties. We stuck to looking at churches and just the outside since we just couldn’t be bothered going in. The cathedral was good enough for us from the outside mainly since we didn’t want to lining up for the entrance. Devil duckie preferred to have his evilness captured in external photos anyway, incase they try to exorcise him inside. What would he be if his inner evil was eliminated? Nah its better that he remains my horny little rubber duck.

The hostel wrecking hussy

We left Granada and took a bus to Cordoba and a new backpacker’s hostel. All was well until the Gherkin broke it.

Oh he claims he didn’t do it on purpose. But he was the one using my laptop when the battery ran down and it needed to be plugged in to charge.

It wasn’t easy to find a place to plug it in and I may have been the one to suggest the extension cord that had nothing plugged into it.

So the laptop was plugged in but it wasn’t charging. So the Gherkin went to unplug it. Doing this resulted in the end coming of the extension cord, sparks, a loud bang and the power going out to half of the hostel!

Yes he was (solely!) responsible for blowing out the electricity, creating a blackout in the building!

I scampered off to bed in the dark while professing my innocence. I believe the hostel had to call an electrician…

The next morning the Gherkin slept in and I went to see La Mezquita.

If you go early in the morning it has free entry so I was happy to get up. The Gherkin preferred to stay at the hostel to rest (and I presume to plot more damages he could produce). So I left him and went on my own.

La Mezquita is on old mosque so it has the old Arabic architecture so lots of the peppermint striped arches and lovely marble columns. But it also has some old Christian stuff too. It was quite dark inside and I enjoyed quietly viewing the beauty of it.

I came back and was sitting on my bed which was the bottom bunk when the Gherkin dropped a very large bottle of bodywash from his bunk above me. It hit me on the way down and then proceeded to spill and created a large sticky puddle on the floor. Yes the Gherkin was yet again a one man wrecking crew. His carnage never ends. He refused to clean up the mess and went with the argument that the floor was dirty and this was cleaning it anyway. We were only there the one night so he didn’t really have time to cause much more harm to the hostel.

Thus we slunk shamefully out of that place.

Grand Granada

Day 1

So there I was in a bus station in Granada Spain. Risking Hypothermia by spending the night on the evil seats of perpetual discomfort. With the coldest hours before dawn upon my shivering body.

Ah a memory of my trip to cherish forever.

At around 7am we left the bus station in need of defrosting and real sleep.

We caught a bus into the city centre and went to find some accommodation. During out search we met a couple of English guys who were also looking for a place to stay. We followed them and it lead us to an oasis. The oasis backpackers. They offered us the free breakfast when we arrived and I napped on a couch while they checked if they had space for us.

They did and I had a lovely well needed hot shower and snooze.

At around 7pm I went for a walk with one of the guys we met in the morning.

We went up the cobblestoned lanes of the backstreets behind the hostel. It’s called El Albayzin and it was up hill but not too bad. Found a nice area with fountains and a play area.

Then went back down and I found an ATM that eventually worked for me. I was quite worried that I wouldn’t be able to get cash and be stranded with no money. But it worked! so feeling cashed up I wanted to find a supermarket. A nice random stranger from the street showed me the way.

Day 2

My little gherkin and I went for a walk around the streets of Granada. We went into a church and past the cathedral but I was more entertained by seeing a store named yellow rat bastard, it just has a lovely ring to it!

I needed a European plug adaptor and eventually found a hardware store to buy one at (they seem to be the cheapest place).

For food we got a whole bunch of veggies at a stall and then went to the supermarket for a sauce. They didn’t have any real stir-fry sauce so we just bought a random bottle and it was delicious!

Later went for food at El Piano, I remember previously seeing it when Happycow had listed it (they have a branch in the UK) but I never thought I would end up there. Funny how that works out. Anyway it is awesome. The food is served in little wooden boats and you pick 4 items for €3.

Day 3

We got up at 6.30am for the whole reason we came to Granada. La Alhambra! We had to get up before sparrow fart and walk up hill as quick as we could to hopefully get tickets. We lined up in the credit card line as we had been told it is faster. The gherkin was gonna use his as it is actually a credit card, but his doesn’t have a micro chip or pin so we ended up using my debit card. Thankfully it worked.

It was just after 8am when we got the tickets and we had a palace entry time of 9am so we went to find that first. It didn’t help that they don’t seem to give out maps there. Also not good was that it started raining, hard!

At least we were mostly covered inside the palace, it was amazing stuff. Big, old, ornate and historical. It has Moorish architecture with ponds, fountains, gardens and arches.

After the palace we went to the toilet block and hung out longer than we should’ve just because it was dry. There we ran into the guys from the hostel. So we continued our tour with them.

Saw lots of fortress (the Alcazaba), a church and the gardens (the Generalife) while the rain continued to pour down. I didn’t let that stop me from taking lots of photos.

We left at 2pm and as soon as we did the rain stopped, the clouds cleared and the sun came out. Typical!

We stopped for food at a Chinese place that since it was in Spain did tapas. It was pretty cool as I got a drink and some noodles for less than €2. They actually recommend doing a pub crawl for food here, excellent!

Day 4

Today was an easy day, mostly looked at the shops in the city. In a supermarket we came across something to amuse us. The funny item was bimbo brand bread. Hmm get some bimbo buns and combine with himbo hotdogs and you could have quite a satisfying meal…

Another thing I was entertained by were the questions on the tag that the hostel put on our bunk beds. Not sure that criminal history space is big enough…

It was a good hostel, met some good people too. My fave was a lovely Ivy League educated young man who bought me an avocado (I’m so easy for my fave fruit). The gherkin liked him because he asked him if he wanted to have sex with him (he wasn’t a fruit, just proving a point). And we (well ok not me) got merrily drunk.

London, lost and lots of planes

I had guidebook Chuck nagged me to get sent to Giselle’s place so had to get up way early one winter’s day to go pick it up. She wasn’t there as she had gone back to NZ for a couple of weeks so I had to go over before her flatmates left for work. The actual book wasn’t there of course, I had been left a card and had to catch the tube to another stop to find the place to pick up the book. But finally I had Rick Steve's London 2009 (plus I couldn’t resist getting Vegan a Go-Go too).

After skimming The Book I selected the Bankside Walk as my mission for that day. Took the tube to London Bridge and couldn’t find the exit the book said to take so got a little lost before finding London Bridge (it hadn’t fallen down). The visibility was not good and I could hardly see Tower Bridge. The weather was pretty crap actually. Still snow on the ground that had gone all icey and it was pouring with rain. Plus I felt crap as I was getting over a cold.

But I persevered with my mission. I found Southwark Cathedral and I sat on a pew and read The Book for awhile to rest and defrost before I had a look around. By the time I had done that the Borough Market was open and I had a good wander around and got a super veg burger for lunch.

Next I found the Golden Hinde replica. It’s actually a pretty small ship considering it took so many men around the world. I just looked at the outside and didn’t go in. Sorry rats, maybe when I become a real pirate I shall steal the ship and take it on a personal world plundering voyage. It would please the FSM.

The Winchester Palace is just a wall with a window in it now but I gave it a good look over as I walked past.

I skipped the Clink Museum on the advice of The Book and I didn’t bother with Vinopolis and The Anchor Pub since I don’t drink.

I considered the tour of the Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre but decided that it would be better when there weren’t so many teenagers around (they were swarming) plus cheaper if I do it in with other sights in one go with a London pass. So saving that for a later date I made the choice to concentrate on seeing The Tate Modern.

I saw everything and even liked some of it. There was actually some interesting stuff and it was a lot less “looks like they gave a two year old some crayons” than I feared.

I was pretty tired due to my illness and early start to the day. I actually almost fell asleep next to one of my favourite displays. It was a whole lot of silverware that had been crushed and then hung in circles. There were a few little rooms that were showing films and had benches that looked rather comfy in them. I was so tempted to just have a little nap on one of them but didn’t think it would be a good idea.

Leaving the museum I walked across the millennium bridge (no swaying) and past St Pauls to its tube stop and the train home.

Another day I attempted to visit The RAF Museum. Unfortunately I didn’t make it as I got lost. This seems to be a chronic problem for me lately. My theory is that being in the Northern Hemisphere is confusing my sense of direction. Perhaps the sun shines from a different angle and my innate inner direction finder gets all messed up and can’t cope with the change.

Whatever it is, it doesn’t help when I forget to bring my A to Z and don’t realise that the turn I knew I had to make had actually been a gentle curve in the road I had already taken…

So the day I actually made it to the museum was a personal victory.

I am not that into military stuff (the whole trained government killer, getting up dreadfully early to be yelled at deal has never appealed to me) but the museum was free and it had some interesting stuff. I quite liked the wall of aviation history year by year and there was a nice little 3D movie of a fighter jet.

I was pretty good at the ATC computer game thing. I knew that I should land the biz jet before the 747 due to wake turbulence. The guy I was taking turns with didn’t turn his plane in time and it had a mid air collision. I tried not to look too smug when I didn’t repeat his mistake.

There was a Tri-Star cockpit simulator which was larger inside than I expected. Plus lots of old military aircraft to wander around a gawk at.

I ran out of time to see the battle of Britain hall, not sure that I really have any great desire to see it, but if I ever get the urge to see it I can always go back.