Great Adventures of a Green Goddess

Kings, Queens and Students

So in Luxor and ready to explore we set off to see a guy about arranging a tour. The Korean guy from Casablanca airport had recommended a guy who did cheap tours so we headed off the train station area to find him.

We were approached on the street by people offering the same services. I asked a guy his name since I knew he would claim to be who we wanted. It wasn't the guy. But then it turned out he knew who we were seeking. So off we went to see him.

The guy said he could hook The Gherkin and I up with student identity cards which would save us some money (with half price entry the cards soon pay for themselves). He was even nice/dodgy enough to lend us a couple of cards to use before ours were ready. With cunning we came up with a sneaky plan to use these cards with the images of strangers upon them. We would send The Brazilian to buy the student tickets with his card (he already had a real one from home) and the 2 extras. Then he would come back with the tickets and we would split up and enter separately. It worked. Well not at The Luxor museum which would not accept student cards at all, and is not worth the price. Go to the museum in Cairo and skip this one.

We first executed our sly scheme at the Luxor temple which as well as the usual Egyptian temple stuff (I must admit it’s all getting a bit same old, same old) also has some roman paintings on the walls.

The Mummification Museum is fascinating in a horrifying way, creepy to see the instruments used to scrape brains out through nostrils. I do like the canopic jars with the four different heads though. They are the jackal head that contains the stomach, the falcon head with the intestines, the baboon with the lungs and the human that had the liver stored inside it. The brain was thought to be useless and thrown away. Oh those silly silly ancient Egyptians. These days we know that most people use their brains, well some of the time at least…

While at the museum I ever so helpfully pointed out how the labelling in English was wrong on a wall display. It was in the wrong order. The guy I told got a manager but I am not sure she really understood what I was saying. Ah well I tried to do my bit for accuracy of the display.

We returned to the Luxor temple to see it lit up at night. We were able to use the tickets we had purchased earlier in the day again. So it didn’t cost anymore and it was very nice to see the place lit up at night. Much cooler.

With our newly minted student cards in hand, we got an early start. The tour we booked started with the Valley of the Kings. 

I really liked the model in the entrance area. Especially how when you looked underneath you could see how deep the tombs are in the earth.

We saw three tombs plus paid extra to see King Tutankhamen’s, it’s really not that interesting (all the treasures from it are in the museum in Cairo) but his mummy is in it.

I don't have photos from inside as they are not allowed. So I just took photos of the names of the tombs we saw so I would remember them. Ramses I, Ramses IX, Ramses IV (but I will spare you photos of signs). Going inside some of the tombs involved steep steps and they were all hot and crowded.

Leaving the Valley of the Kings the vendors have it well planned. You have to walk down a corridor of shops and they come out and stand in a line that you have to somehow get past. I ran this gauntlet by covering my head with my hands and repeating my two words of Arabic, no thanks: La shukran.

We then saw the temple of Queen Hapsepha a female pharaoh. The design of the temple is different from the usual and very impressive. But it was also very hot there and I had forgotten to bring my hat.

In the shop there I was amused by the special flavour of Pringles, hot Holland hot.  I wonder what hot Dutch guy would think of them!

In the valley of the queens I learnt there is a difference between Nefertiti and Neiftari.

We went to a shop that sold alabaster items. I looked but did not buy. Bad tourist!

The Gherkin was most happy that he gave a guy working there a hair tie and the guy gave me a stone that I passed on to The Gherkin so he was like I traded a hair tie for a rock! The gherkin likes to carry rocks around with him. He has others from somewhere else in Europe. I personally felt my pack was heavy enough without lugging around rocks!

The last stop was a couple of statues called The Colossi of Memnon. Big statues that used to make strange whistling sounds (due to cracks after an earthquake or something) but don’t anymore. They were quite quiet for me.

Tempted to cause some death on the Nile

We left Aswan in style, cruising along the Nile. When we booked the cruise we had the foresight to get the guy to write down what we would get. 5 star luxury for us and no less!

On the morning we departed, we boarded the boat (The Princess Amira) and found our stateroom. Then split to go for a wander around to explore the boats amenities. When docked they tie up the boats next to each other so you have to walk through the first boat to get onto the second. We were on the first boat but since it was there I decided I had to check out the other one.

This wasn't a problem as the crew were very welcoming and invited me to come on over and look. So I inspected the next door Nile cruise boat. It was nicer!  I was like hey we are supposed to be on a 5 star luxury boat but this one is so nice it must be 5 stars and therefore we are only on a 4 star boat! So I reported back to the guys that the other boat was better, this was not on of course.

So we called the guy who sold us the trip and pulled out the bit of paper where he had written that we would be on a 5 star boat. I left it to the Brazilian to negotiate it since it is his area of expertise. He did not let us down. Thus we moved to the other boat and didn't even have to pay any extra. Yes The Brazilian is that good!

We left Aswan standing on the very nice top deck of a 5 star luxury Nile cruise boat, so fancy! It seemed a bit dodgy when a felucca looked like we were going to hit it, a little too close for comfort. But perhaps that’s normal there.

We did feel a bit like we didn’t belong onboard, most of the other passengers seemed to be on package tours and we were backpackers just wanting to get from Aswan to Luxor. But it was all good. The boat was called the Nile Shams it was so nice, they even made towel animals.

The first stop was at a temple dedicated to crocodiles in Kom Ombo. We didn't go in (getting a little templed out) but wandered around the Nubian village. As I was walking back to the boat along the riverfront I found the sellers to be the worst I had come across, they would surround me and not listen to my ‘No thanks!’ (in English and Arabic). The children were just as bad. I was accosted by a group of kids wanting to sell me jewellery and they just wouldn’t leave me alone. A policeman had to chase them off waving a belt or whip of some kind at them. They were definitely not as amusing as the kid in Aswan who saw me with the guys and went "1 woman and 2 men, oh man!"

The next morning we got up early to go see a temple in Edfu. The only transport was in horse drawn carriages which we had to negotiate for. The temple was nice and we can now worship the new god devil duckie.

I lost the guys in the temple complex but by now I was used to it. We had agreed to meet the horse cart at a specified time and place so I just made sure I was there on time (I was early).

The guys didn’t show up. I waited and waited and the horse guy got annoyed about having to wait and I was pretty frustrated about the whole situation too. I was very worried that we would miss the boat and be stuck there!

Eventually the guys showed up, they tried to say that they were late because they had been looking for me. This is stupid as you would think that the first place you would look would be an agreed meeting place wouldn't you??? But I resisted the urge to yell at them and just quietly got in the carriage to head back to the boat. I think the guys must have taken my silence as reason to keep blaming me for their lateness.

During the ride The Brazilian asked me if I had change to pay the driver as we knew he wouldn't give us any change because he was not pleased with us at all. I gave him the change I had and then he asked me if I had anymore and I said that I had given him all my change. But then he asked me again if I had change! And I snapped back that no I didn't and repeatedly asking me wouldn’t change that fact. Bugging me wasn't going to magically change the contents of my wallet.

The Brazilian had a little bitch fit about this, he was very annoyed that I was pissed off about it.

I ended up giving the driver a larger banknote and apologising for the lateness.

Back in our room I tried to talk to The Brazilian and he was like doing even speak to me, I was like fine!

The guys and I did not speak on the boat at all.

The guys had the key to the room so I had to keep asking the reception to open the door for me when I wanted to go back to the room. (And even took a nap on a reception area couch before I figured out that trick)

Going through the lock at Esna I was in the room looking out the window. (The guys were hanging out together up top getting sunburnt). A seller had managed to get onto the side of the lock and tried to sell me a towel. He did this by throwing it thru the window into my room and then telling me to give him the money. I taunted him by holding up the towel, waving around and asking him how he was going to get it back since I wasn't going to pay for it. He didn't try to jump through the window to retrieve it and I felt bad and eventually threw it back. It was a nice towel I must admit. Later I told others onboard about how I could have gotten a free towel and they told me how they had seen the police chasing the guy away.

To entertain myself I made friends with the boat manager, he showed me the bridge with the captain driving the boat and the engine room which was hot and noisy. He only tried to grab me a couple of times...

At sunset I went for a swim in the pool up on top. I had been joking with one of the other passengers about my crocs being safety equipment. So it was funny when I took them off, stepped into the pool and immediately slipped over splashing down onto my butt, such style, class and grace!

The last morning the Brazilian spoke to me but I was still upset and just said that he might think that I am worthy of talking to him now, but maybe I didn’t want to talk to him.

So I got off the boat alone (fully prepared to go on by myself) setting off to find a minibus into Luxor, but the guys wouldn't let me go. They followed me and grabbed my bags forcing me into the taxi with them saying that they wouldn't let me travel alone. So we went to a happy hotel in Luxor and in the room we had a big talk and made up. Because if you are a 1 woman with 2 men you don’t want to give that up too easily.

 

Taking the train down to Upper Egypt

Yep I fully admit that the whole upper and lower Egypt thing confuses me as they seem to be the opposite way to what I expect. So when we were heading down south we were actually going to Upper Egypt. It was a lot of time on the rails.

So we started with 3.5 hrs on a train from Alexandria to Cairo, then we had 6 hours to kill at the train station in Cairo. I wandered around finding the nearby market and we got some cheap take away Kushari (a great Egyptian dish of rice, brown lentils, chickpeas, macaroni, topped with tomato sauce). We ate it sitting on the floor of the train station.

The train to Aswan took 14hrs. We were in first class because when the guys went to buy the tickets the woman knew we were in a rush and would only sell first class tickets. But I went for a walk along the carriages and there was definitely space in the second class carriages, spare seats galore.

I was going to walk the whole train but stopped when the floor got too wet and dirty and head back to my luxury (ha!) section. Yeah first class wasn’t so grand but we did have water in the toilet on the second half of the trip (tip for newbie’s: bring your own wet wipes, hand sanitizer and loo paper).

We had been assigned a tiny compartment with 3 seats side by side. Add in our backpacks and there really wasn't enough room to swing a mummified sacred cat. But once the train started moving and we saw that there was plenty of empty space we spread out and took over another compartment that had 6 seats facing each other 3 abreast. I got out my sleeping bag, lay across the seats and slept all night. So it wasn’t too bad.

In Aswan we did our usual wandering around looking for a place to stay. My fave was when the guys would get me to watch the bags while they went to look at places. Yes run around my lovely boys and I shall guard the stuff sitting under this nice shady tree...

We ended up at a hotel that unusually for Egypt had free wifi. The Brazilian had an iphone with VoIP thing so I made a free call to lady back in NZ. It was cool to be all hey Mum I’m in Egypt!

We signed up for the tour to go to the must see Abu Simbel. We somehow missed the alarm we set and woke up just before pick up. There was some mad scrambling at 3am to be on time for the convoy, yes all the buses must go together in a line so that the terrorists know when and where to find you.

I tried to sleep on the long drive but we were packed in on the bus, they even have seats that fold down in the aisle.

Arrival at Abu Simbel was at 7am. It is pretty awesome. Two temples that were moved before the original area was flooded due to the high dam being built. The temples are Great Temple of Ramses II and Temple of Hathor. The Ramses’ Temple is really impressive with four colossal statues outside, The Temple of Hathor is dedicated to the Nubian queen Nefertari, Ramses' favourite wife and is smaller but just as magnificent. I went inside both temples and I thought they were fantastic. But the guys said they weren’t that impressed by the temples but liked the lake better. I also think Lake Nasser is wonderful, huge and gorgeous and if I am ever back in the area I want to do a cruise on it.

Leaving the site I stopped off at the loo, a guy who was attending/guarding it wanted me to pay a pound to pee. So I chatted to him until he let me go for free. I guess that officially makes me a toilet tramp/ washroom whore/ powder room pro…

We headed back towards Aswan and the tour went to the great high dam but me and the guys were like so we have to pay a fee just to see a dam. I think not. So we waited outside with the other cheapskates while the bus drove over the dam before picking us up again. We got a good view of the dam thing anyway as we drove off.

Next we visited another moved temple. The Philae Temple is on an island and we had to negotiate for the boat ride. In the tour bus we were told how much we should pay each but the boat operators did not want to go for this, we stood firm! And eventually got the right price and it is a lovely boat ride out to the island.

The temple was wonderful although one section had bats flying around inside, which was a little freaky at first. The island is a good size with lots of areas to see.  There was one area (I think it was called The Hathor Temple) that was just so photogenically perfect! I had to take a moment just sit and take in the beauty of it.

Last stop on the tour was the unfinished obelisk which me, the guys and most of the bus passengers passed on as it was up a lot of steps and well it’s just a rock right?

Ok I Google imaged it and I still don't regret not seeing it.

So back at the hotel I tried to talk the guy at reception into letting me use the hotel's washing machine. Doing laundry seems to be the main problem of my backpacking, it’s a never ending chore. The guy wouldn’t let me use the machine, but he did tell me amusing stories of how I couldn't use it because there were lions on the loose there.

So I was back to my usual method of doing it by hand (I am far too cheap to pay by piece, especially when underwear is involved). The guy did give me a plastic tub to do it in. but the bathroom was like a sauna as I slaved over my wenchly work.

It was pretty hot in Aswan and the relentless sun beating down on my rapidly becoming damaged skin caused me to go in search of a solution, the protection for my head and face I was seeking came in the form of a sunhat. I bought the biggest brimmed hat I could find. It was blue and The Gherkin called it a Tilley hat in his strange Canadian way.

I don't think I got a good deal since I suck at bargaining. I should have taken the Brazilian along with me to do it. But I did get given free scarab beetle beads.

Plus I made friends with the guy who owned the store. When I needed to change money he did it for me (being stuck with large bills was a constant problem). When I wanted to get my haircut (as much as I find looking for split ends a good standby entertainment) he told me where to go. When I couldn’t find the place he got someone to walk me to it. In return when I went to get some falafel and asked if he wanted some he requested a can of coke and I got him one.

It was all good. He wasn’t even upset when I picked something up off a shelf of souvenirs and knocked something which fell and hit a pile of ashtrays stacked below and breaking the top one. He just gave me the ashtray for free, I took a photo and left it at the hotel since I detest smoking and my pack was heavy enough for the trip back up towards Lower Egypt.

Glad to be a gadfly

A train took me and my penis posse to Alexandria the Egyptian city with the most history and lest to show for it, well the guidebook said something along those lines.

Most loved by me and the boys was a fast food place named Gad, so named because people flock to it like gad flies.  It was so inexpensive and awesomely delicious. The guys would send me on a gad run and I loved it. Give me 4 falafel, 3 hummus, 2 baba ganoush and 1 fuul etc. It comes in bread and is super cheap!

The only bad thing about a gad run was getting back to our hotel room as we were staying at a place on the fifth floor with a dodgy old lift that only sometimes deigned me worthy to open its creaky old fashioned door and enter the teeny tiny little car. Once up on the fifth floor our room had a balcony and I could see the sea from it.

While in town we walked along the cornice, past a mosque and a rubbish beach to the Citadel of Qait Bey which is a fort where the Tower of Pharos used to stand. The lighthouse was one of the seven wonders of the ancient world but came to its downfall via earthquake. The citadel actually has stones from the tower in it.

The entrance fee for the fort was 25 Egyptian pounds but I only had 24 on me so the guy at the ticket office was like well give me 20LE so I did and he gave me a student ticket which sold for 15LE. I didn’t get challenged on being a student so I guess it was all good.

The citadel is awesome, just like a castle should look! Plus it even has a model of itself inside, which always makes me happy.

We went to the Roman Catacombs, Kom-el-Shuqqafa. At ground level it is not very impressive. When we arrived The Brazilian was like ‘is this it? It’s rather disappointing’. He changed his mind when we went down below ground where the underground crypts are. You go down a circular staircase. Winding our way down to the dead (well ok no bodies are there now). The catacombs were found when a donkey fell down into them. A local guy was amused when I asked about the fate of the poor donkey and was sad as apparently he didn’t survive.

The underground area is huge and has some cool decorations (Roman and Egyptian).

We went to another site something to do with pillars, peeked in the gate and decided it didn’t look worth the cost of admission. So in an Ali G wannabee’s taxi we went to the library.

The library or Bibliotheca Alexandrina is pretty awesome. I was lucky back in NZ to have the Palmy library as my local and this one is stunningly designed too. Actually this is even more impressive as Palmy’s doesn’t have a death star!

We had to put our names down for the tour, The Gherkin did it and came back to tell us that when they asked where we were from he said America, Australia and Argentina.  It is amusing how each of our respective countries’ archrival’s start with the same letter.

The library tour showed us how architecturally fabulous it is. We then looked at the Alexandria gallery as I wanted to see if there were any pictures of how the Tower of Pharos would have been. There was a drawing but it didn’t even match the description of the lighthouse! Damn artistic license, I wanted to know what it would really have looked like.  

Nevermind we just went for another gadfest feast at our fave fast food place and all was fab.

Walk like an Egyptian

After another nice beany breakfast we were off to Coptic Cairo, the old Christian area of the city. There were a few places of holy worship to be seen. Such as the Church of  St George and the Dragon (which the Greek ones tend to be), The Hanging Church (up a few steps) and St. Barbara's Church (she was killed by her father for converting, so I guess born again Christians were just as annoying back then)

I visited my first synagogue but as it used to be a church it didn’t look that different to me.

We also tried to peer over a fence to see the spot where it is claimed that Moses was found in his basket among the reeds. But there was really nothing to be seen there.

We caught a taxi to the Khan el-Khalili, it was amusing to watch The Brazilian negotiating. ‘I’m from Brazil. You know we don’t have any money. Only footballers have money there!’ it is impressive to see him haggling and he got us the price we wanted for the taxi.

The Khan el-Khalili is a cool market and I tried not to think about the whole terrorist bombing thing. It was fine when I was there. They only inconvenience we had was that it was the Muslim’s Friday prayers time when we arrived.

At one stall I was looking at the little sarcophagus on sale for the tourists and the seller asked me if I needed any help. So I told him that I was just looking for something to store my internal organs in… This amused the guys muchly.

I did not end up buying any sarcophagus or even any canopic jars so I am still with no firm plans for what to do with my insides when I die.

Leaving the Khan el-Khalili, The Gherkin wanted to walk. So off we went in the blazing afternoon sun. We ended up walking beside a busy road, past the Islamic area of Cairo. Up hill with traffic whizzing past and plodding on seemingly endlessly across the whole huge dirty city. Oh the number of taxis that would beep and slow down to try and get us. I have wondered how often Middle Eastern taxi drivers have to replace their horns, as they must wear out quickly from such overuse!

Eventually we struggled the last few steps to the citadel. It was closed due to the late time of our arrival.

I hadn’t had any great burning desire to see inside anyway so I just said oh well and took a couple of photos of the outside through the fence.

We then got a taxi back to the hostel and went to the nearby bridge to see the great Nile River (the Nile being straight across the road from the hostel). It’s so big it even has a TGI Fridays!  Yes very authentic Egyptian.

 

Back in the hostel I had to change rooms as they had a group arriving. So I suggested I just stay with the guys (they even had a spare bed in their room), they are my harem after all (I wonder what a male harem is called. I quite like the term erection collection for the kept boys although they might as well be eunuchs for all the action I get from them).

When the guy at the desk said I wasn't allowed to stay in the same room because we weren't married I said that I would marry The Brazilian, and I would do it right then and there if he got someone to do the paperwork (he has Brazil/Italy passports and a US green card, so beats The Gherkin’s single Canadian passport in my little marriage of convenience plan). I think the guy thought I was serious as he was like I can call someone, but I am not sure if he wanted to call someone to marry me and The Brazilian or to sell me to the highest bidder, I worth many camels here.

In the end I remained single and I slept alone in a different female dorm room. But having it all to myself made me happy.

 

Cairo Capers

I was feeling much better after my horrid first day in Egypt and we started the second day with the free hostel breakfast. It was pretty good, tasty fava beans which even came with a fresh lime wedge to squeeze on them. There was also bread and fig jam that just made me giggle and go look guys its figjam! Then we went to The Egyptian Museum of Antiquities. They are serious about no cameras there and we had to check them in before entering. So I only got a few photos outside where they do have a few statues and a nice pond with Lilly pads that I had to put devil duckie in.

Inside the museum is amazing! So many thousands of years of history! From trying to see the remains of a queen’s internal organs in their canopic jars to being blown away at the opulence of the treasures of King Tutankhamen, the place is awesome.

We paid the extra money to see the royal mummy rooms. I was like well it does cost more but I will remember the mummies more than most anything else I could spend the money on. Oh yes they will haunt my nightmares, as it was very creepy. The weird thing is that one of the queens actually has a strong resemblance to Whoopi Goldberg!

I lost the guys wandering around the antiquities. But when I was on the upper level and looking down over the railing I saw the guys down by the entrance.

So I asked a nearby guard the quickest way down, his accurate but not quite helpful reply was ‘jump’!

Wanting to get down quickly but not wanting to break myself in the process I took the second quickest option of the closest stairs that the guard rather more helpfully directed me to.

When I got down there the guys were gone however, so I sat and waited for them. They showed up again and I went to the loo.

In the ladies room there was a sign saying no tips. So when the bathroom attendant (who I suspect just came in to hang out for the day and request tips) asked for baksheesh I gave my best innocent look and pointed to the sign asking why it said to give no tips. I was told ok you can go and directed to the door.

On the way back to the hostel we made the mistake of taking the rush hour metro. It was seriously busy, like those pictures of the Japanese subway but without the official people pushers.

We each had a different experience. The Gherkin fell down between the train and the platform (all those mind the gap messages on the tube mustn’t have sunk in when he was in London). People just grabbed him, pulled him up and kept pushing him onto the train. The Brazilian could pass for a local so someone got upset that he didn’t respond when he was spoken to in Arabic, but when it became apparent he didn’t speak the language it was all ok. My own experience was being groped. I know we were crammed in there but his hand did not need to be there! Oh well it was the most action I’ve had since Gatwick security...

 

The next day was the pyramids! We hired a car and driver for the day, the Brazilian is a brilliant negotiator and got us a great price (one dodgy local said I could go for free if I went without the guys, yeah no thanks!). when people asked how much we paid and we told them they were amazed at how low the price was and said the car would be really old and unreliable. But it was actually quite nice. 

We went to the great pyramids of Giza first, they did try to drop us off by the stables but we weren’t going for that and got dropped off near the main entrance.

I had thought that the pyramids would be out in the desert but they are actually right on the edge of the city. Apparently they used to be isolated but the city grew out to them.

It was a bit hazy when we first arrived. So first we went into The Great Pyramid. It is the oldest and largest of the Giza pyramids, built for Khufu/Cheops it is the only remaining wonder of the seven wonders of the ancient world. Incredible to be inside such a structure but it is hot and not a place for claustrophobics and those that don’t like climbing many many steps. Inside I saw a chamber containing a red granite sarcophagus so if all the climbing kills you don’t worry there is a place for your body!

Back outside I lost the guys again (yeah it’s becoming a trend). So I wandered alone being a target for touts. They were offering rides on camels and horses as well as selling souvenirs.

I had a guy ask for my ticket, I was like do you work here? Why aren’t you in uniform? Can I see some ID? He was 'its ok, maybe later you ride camel or horse'. I told him to bite me!

Even the tourist police are in on the game, taking photos of tourists and then requesting tips. Its always baksheesh, baksheesh…

I had one tourist police officer show me around the last pyramid and take photos of me in all of the tacky tourist poses. Well it has to be done…

Afterwards he requested a tip so I gave him an Egyptian pound. I didn’t think I should sass him since he was holding a machine gun!

I then headed for The Sphinx. On the way I had one very persistent seller of souvenirs try the here have this as a gift trick on me. He followed me as I walked saying that he wanted to give me wherever he was flogging as a gift. I said no thanks but he still hung the item (I think it was a scarf) over my arm saying you no pay it gift and then demanded baksheesh. I just said I wasn’t going to give him anything so he might want to retrieve his item. He snatched it back and took off in a huff to find a more willing victim pretty damn quick. I kind of wish I had tried to keep it while claiming that my giving baksheesh would have been an insult to his generous gift etc, be fun to see how that played out mwahaha

I found the guys again near The Sphinx. We took photos (it really is smaller than you’d think) and then went to meet our car.

The next stop was Saqqara which has the Step Pyramid, the oldest pyramid. The place was so lovely and uncrowded. We wandered around the site without being bothered and saw some excellent hieroglyphics.

At Memphis we went to the open air museum. The highlights of this are the giant statues of Ramses II and the Sphinx.

Our last stop was at Dahshur where we went into the Red Pyramid. It is a bit of a climb up to the entrance and then it was a long way down the steep shaft. At the bottom there was a room with wooden stairs. I didn’t go up them as it smelt bad.

Back in Cairo we went for a walk to find food and I saw this (The photo isn’t too good as the place was closed and I took the picture through the glass door) yes grilled Viagra! Yummy.

Redeyes

Ok so the Brazilian already had a flight booked out of Morocco and suggested that the Gherkin and I come along.

We had originally thought that both of us would just get a ferry back to Spain, I wanted to see Gibraltar, more of Spain and then Portugal and The Gherkin was planning on splitting up with me to go and see other European destinations.

But when the Brazilian suggested we come to the Middle East with him we were like ok why not sounds like fun. Yes the randomness just keeps getting more random. But he said it was cheap and I had to admit that Egypt was much higher on my list of must see places than Portugal.

We did try to book a flight that morning via the internet but the website would not accept our cards. The Brazilian already had a train ticket as well so we had to leave the net café quickly to catch it.

Went by first class which is pretty cheap luxury and you are actually guaranteed a seat, to Casablanca station. I watched the bags while the guys bought tickets to the airport. I needed to used the bathroom but we didn’t have time as the train was due.

While on the platform waiting for the airport train we met the Korean guy from Fes again and it turned out he was on the same flight that we were trying to get on!

At the airport I really wanted a bathroom but the guys said we had to buy tickets first, an excellent plan. But I was how shall I put this delicately? Um…riding the cotton pony this week and wanted to attend to the red tide. The downside of travelling with guys is that they just don’t understand such issues! Well unless you spell it out to them in the middle of a crowded airport terminal…

Ok so back to the procurement of airline tickets for imminent travel. We went to the office of Royal Air Maroc who are agents for Egyptair as well and asked about buying tickets. The woman I spoke to told me that the Royal Air Maroc flight was closed and I couldn’t get tickets on the Egyptair until 10pm.

So we wandered around the airport trying to find a solution, there was no wifi and the guys even got me to go and try and sweet talk a guy in a electronic shop but he didn’t have net access either.

So we went to a café to eat and wait.

The Korean ran a travel company and was travelling to research, so he gave us some travel advice and told us that the countries we should see before they change are Tibet, Laos and Myanmar. According to him Vietnam has already changed and we should go in the next 3-5 years before the people change due to all the tourists.

So after waiting and chatting the Brazilian and the Korean went to the check in counter for the flight since it had opened and they had tickets. It was then that they found out that we could get tickets from the Royal Air Maroc office we had already been to!

So back we went where we saw a different woman who had no problems with selling us tickets on the Egyptair flight.

It was spendy to be so spontaneous but I got a return ticket from Casablanca to Cairo. As it was cheaper to get a return ticket than a one way!

So with tickets in hand and a sigh of relief, off we went to check in.

In the gift shop airside I found a magnet to buy since I do like to collect a magnet from each country I go to (I’ve missed some so will have to go back to those countries). Then we changed money to us$, checked out the food airside and fed the resident mosquito population.

The redeye flight left at 11.30pm and there were no suicidal Egyptair pilots this time. I got a window seat and giggled at the name of the inflight magazine. There were 2 guys in my row but they moved so I had a row to myself, sweet!

There was a meal served on the flight but the random last minute method of buying a ticket means you can’t request a vegan meal.

So I had to make do with the roll and salad that came with the regular meal. The flight attendant tried to wake The Gherkin who was in the row behind me and I had to tell him it wasn’t gonna work coz he was all drugged up. The Korean guy had given The Gherkin some sleeping pills so he was totally out for the whole flight.

I tried to watch the movie Bride Wars but the pop down screens sucked, all blurry and greenish. So I just listened to it while trying to sleep (all stretched out over my whole row with all the blankets and pillows) and when I woke up it was finished.

On arrival at Cairo airport we lined up at immigration and then found out we had to go to a separate line and pay us$15 for a sticker then go back to the original line and have them put it in our passport. But at least it was a nice and shiny visa so it made me happy.

Said goodbye to the Korean guy and got a taxi to the centre of the city, Cairo is huge! And downtown is dirty, crowded and drippy from air conditioners above the streets.

We went to a net café to scope out accommodation options and the guys decided that we should go to the YHA hostel. Hey it worked out well for us in Meknes!

So we took the subway/metro where a young boy was all ‘hey baby’ suggestive eyebrows and all at me, I was shocked! Sheesh do I look like a paedophile or something?

We got to our stop and then started walking. Traffic in Cairo is unpleasantly busy to say the least. I love the advice for crossing the street provided in the lonely planet guidebook: try to use a local as a human shield!

So as we went to cross a particularly busy street The Gherkin punched me on the shoulder I don’t know why but of course it annoyed me a lot. The guys then darted in front of oncoming traffic. I was a little behind them at that point so I knew that I couldn’t make it (wasn’t in the mood to throw myself in front of a bus, The Gherkin yes but not me).

When I finally got across the road they were way ahead of me and I couldn’t see them.

I thought that they would realise that I am in fact not psychic and thus if they decided to change direction they would have to tell me.

So I kept walking straight thinking that I would catch up to them eventually.

I realised the error of this plan when I reached an intersection on the street with no clue as to which direction to go.

I hung around it hoping the guys would realise I was missing and I dunno, maybe think ‘hey maybe she can’t read our minds?’ And come find me.

When that didn’t happen I was quite upset, very pissed of that I was abandoned alone in a possibly dodgy area of a big unfamiliar city. I walked back and forth looking for the guys. I asked some people on the street if they knew where the hostel was (hey the men were staring at me anyway) but they didn’t and the guys had the book with all details on finding it. I had nothing but my wits to get me there. So yeah I knew I was screwed!

I was saved myself by walking a couple of blocks over and asking someone else. Amazingly they knew the place and it wasn’t too far away.

I arrived at the hostel as the guys were walking back down to the reception after looking at rooms. They said that they were going to get a room and drop off their stuff before trying to find me. Reasonable I guess but I was still feeling very upset and kept thinking that I had made a huge mistake in coming to Cairo and couldn’t stop crying.

The hostel had a stupid rule that I wasn’t allowed to share the room with the guys. Apparently despite that fact that The Gherkin is totally gay and the Brazilian has a girlfriend they thought we would be having spit roasts in there or something how silly!

So I got a bed in the girls’ dorm and off I went with all my stuff up the grand staircase with the guys. They had no problem getting to their room but I couldn’t find mine. I had a key but it had numbers of both sides of the keychain that each looked like a different number. So I searched for both numbers near the guys room, I went up to the next floor and searched some more, I came back downstairs and asked a couple of guys if they knew where it was. They tried to help but just kept looking where I had already been.

In the end I got really fed up, sat down on a handy nearby seat and declared that I wasn’t moving (there were many tears).

The guys realised I had completely had it and went to the reception area for me. They found out that my room wasn’t in the main area up the big staircase, but was up some hidden back stairs past the dining room. I bitched that I should have guessed that my room would be in such a spot banished away up the back in a country where women are considered second class citizens.

So I found the girls dorm and claimed a bed. The final frustration was when I found that the key was stuck in the lock. It was the last straw and I swore loudly, slammed the door and retreated to my bed to collapse and cry until my eyes were swollen, red and sore.

Roman ruins and the medina maze

So the Gherkin and me arrived in Meknes Morocco and thought we had learnt our lesson in Rabat and not wanting to repeat our past mistake we disembarked at the main train station. Yup wrong again!

We should have got off at Meknes El –Amir.

The Gherkin wanted me to negotiate a price for the taxi so I walked up and said hello, the taxi driver said bonjour blah blah blah. I said to the Gherkin with his decade of French lessons “you’re up”!

We considered a hotel but the Gherkin wanted to go to the hostel so I went with it and off to the YHA hostel in a petite taxi we went.

We were both like hey I’ve got a YHA card I can use! But they weren’t even interested in seeing the cards so we just compared with each other since his was Canadian and mine Australian.

The hostel was good because we met other travellers and stayed up chatting to them. I ended the night with a nail cutting party as one young American chap was rather excited that I had clippers.

The Gherkin and I were in separate dorm rooms as they just had male and female. No in-betweens for those that could go either way, so the Gherkin got stuck with the boys which I am sure made him very happy.

He was also happy watching a thunder and lightning storm one night, it poured with rain but I missed it as I slept right through it.

At the hostel we met a Brazilian guy and organised to go and see the roman ruins at Volubilis with him and a couple who were also staying there (he was French she was Croatian).

So in the morning we all got a grand taxi to the nearby town (Moulay Idriss) and then on to the ruins.

It was the right time of year for the wildflowers to be peaking out around what was left of the old roman town. So pretty.

I was fascinated by a plant that looked just like giant asparagus. Images of the giant meals that could be made with it danced in my head. No idea how edible it actually is, I am going to guess not!

I liked that there are storks that nest up the top of the tall columns. It was quite windy there so they must have pretty sturdy nests. I am also pleased to report that they didn’t try to deliver any babies to me. Let’s keep it that way birdies and we

can be friends.

The ruins are awesome with great mosaics and we spent several hours wandering around looking at everything. We were a bit disappointed that the skeleton of a woman was no longer there, it was mentioned in the guide book but when we couldn’t find it we asked about it and

learnt it had been moved to a museum.

When done we all decided that we didn’t need a taxi and walked back to Moulay Idriss. It took about an hour to walk the 5km. but was only really up hill at the end so not so bad.

We had a delicious lunch (I had vegetable tagine) and then walked around the town a little and climbed many steps to check out the view.

We got a grand taxi back to Meknes. In total I paid about 25 dirham for the transport, one taxi tout tried to sell me a trip for like 300 dirham so I think I did pretty good doing it this way.

 

The next day The Gherkin and the Brazilian and I caught a train to Fes. It only has one station so at least we got off in the right place. But we got a little lost finding the

medina and then a lot lost in the medina.

We rejected the offers of the touts/guides who wanted us to pay them lots of dirham to show us around. So they thought it was pretty funny and kept laughing at us as we passed the same spot over and over.

To avoid the touts the Brazilian was telling people he was from Denmark and didn’t speak English. He had tried just saying he was from Brazil but the kid then spoke to him in perfect Portuguese! I just said I was German ja!

On the way to the medina we had met a Korean man as we looked at a garden and wondered if we could get in some other way as the gate was locked. He also wanted in but none of us achieved this.

Later inside the maze of medina alleyways we ran into him again and he showed us photos he had taken of the leather-dyeing pits. He gave us directions and tips on finding it, we of course just got lost. I didn’t really want to find them anyway since I hate leather. But I think that we also found the leather tanneries because I could

smell them and it stunk! I was close enough for the stench of death to be upon me.

That wasn’t the only really horrible thing there as there were severed heads of goats and a camel (outside a butcher selling camel meat). It was pretty damn disturbing!

We walked back to the train station and got an express train back to Meknes. Sat with a lovely local guy who didn’t speak English but when he saw us reading the train times details in the guidebook he gave us his timetable.

My legs and feet were so sore at bedtime after so much walking, most of it in the same circles in the labyrinth lanes of the medina. But getting lost is Fes is really the whole point of experiencing the place!

 

 

Friends and Fries

In Al Jedida I thought that we would get off the bus at a bus station, but The Gherkin was like this is it. Off we got beside a service station by a roundabout. I guess I shouldn’t expect to go to a luxurious place such as a bus station when the bus we were on was pretty damn close to a chicken bus. There were no live chickens on it but I wouldn’t have been surprised if there were. It was old it was crowded and it was supposed to take 4 hours but took 6 ½ long slow cramped hours.

Getting off I felt quite lost as there was only a creepy guy who would grab us wanting money. Yeah not the way to get me to cough up any cash. I was just like erk what kind of place am I in???

We walked in a random direction and found the bus station and then a nearby hotel.

We did try to find the sea but with an obviously impaired sense of direction we never came across it. We did find a supermarket with the most amusingly named Pringles type chips named Kracks. Yes I want to eat some Kracks. Don’t you want to taste some Kracks too?

 

The next day we caught a bus to Casablanca. It sounds so romantic but I have never seen the film (that wasn’t even shot there anyway). We went to an information centre to see what there was to do there and got talked into taking a tour.

We went to the mosque the next morning, obviously looking like fresh off the boat tourists since a taxi driver tried to get our business offering us the low low price of 10 Euros! As if!!

The Gherkin went for the mosque tour but I wasn’t that interested so I watched our bags and read my book (before and after) in the shade.

The Gherkin returned and we met our tour guide. He was a nice old fellow named Lucky.

The tour consisted of seeing:

• A spot to take photos with the mosque in the background across the water.

• The rich area, apparently the Beverly Hills of Casablanca!

• A church with some very impressive stained glass walls.

• Some government buildings to see the architecture

• Driving past the fountain, I took a sneaky free photo of a water bearer

• A souk that had a lot of olives

The guide gave us each:

• A Casablanca postcard

• A keychain

, The Gherkin’s was blue and mine was a shoe

 

At the end of the tour we were dropped off at the station to catch a train to Rabat.

It was a nice new train but when the Gherkin jumped off the train and I followed we found out that we were at the wrong station!

There are two and we got off at the first one instead of the second. So we decided to have some food at the station café. We ordered and didn’t get any food so ordered again. The Gherkin got his food but I didn’t get mine. So I tried to ask the waiter for my fries again. But the fries Nazi waiter had decided that there would be no fries for me! I was most upset and gave the chips czar the evil eye, I hope its international the Gherkin says the finger is but I wasn’t that brave.

I did ask why I couldn’t have fries, they were on the menu and the gherkin’s meal came with fries. But the waiter wouldn’t give an answer, I think he just didn’t know how to say “no fries for you”!

We got a taxi to the area we wanted to stay in (right near the other station of course).

At dinner I ordered cheeseless pizza and fries. The pizza arrived but no fries. It’s like the underground waiter network is conspiring to keep the fries from me. Damn you fries Nazi and your surprisingly long reach!

The Gherkin wanted to rest so I went for a walk alone.

I went to find the Hassan tower and mausoleum. It wasn’t as far as I thought it would be and as is my custom I met a random stranger on the way.

I was just past 1^st November square, where I ogled at the oddness of naming places after dates. The local guy was on the street and I was looking at my map and he asked if I needed help. I was just like that’s the mausoleum right? Where do I enter? So he walked with me and I got him to be my personal photographer.

He said he lived across the river in Salé and wanted to take me there but I do have my stranger following limits!

So we just walked along the waterfront to the Kasbah des Oudaias.

The nice strange man bought me a glass of the lovely Moroccan fresh squeezed orange juice. It got dark and we walked back to my hotel through the medina.

The guy was in the army and insisted on walking me to see the outside of the royal palace he guarded. It really wasn’t impressive from the outside and he wouldn’t sneak me in.

The next day the Gherkin was supposed to go sightseeing with me but he was in slacker mode and didn’t want to. I was glad I saw what I wanted to see the night before.

So we just got a train to Meknes. I got the tickets and just automatically got second class. So we were crowded in with our backpacks and no seats. It was a long game of sardines but I eventually got a seat in a compartment. The Gherkin had a longer game as he was stuck in the aisle the whole time.

Club Snark

I saw this babysitter’s club book at a used bookstall in Essaouira.

As you can see it is in French. I don’t know what the translation to le club des babysitters Melanie garde la tete froide is, probably not Melanie tries it with girls…

Anyway since it was french the character’s names were different too. I think that Melanie is the new name of Maryanne.

But wow I used to freaking love to read those books. The thrill I felt when I had a one I hadn’t read yet in my little hand. I used to scour the library shelves regularly. A couple of times I was even bought the new books! But that was a rare treat indeed.

I sometimes wonder how much those books affected me. For example in the babysitters club special edition when they went on a cruise (Babysitters On Board). Kristy was super excited and her stepsister Karen said how the air bridge when they walked on to the plane smelt like coffee. I swear that to this day every time I walk on an air bridge I smell it to see if it is coffee scented. So far it never has been.

In Mallory and the trouble with twins the girls all go to get their ears pierced.

Dawn got her ears pierced twice in each ear and I wonder if this influenced me to now have my two holes in each of my ears.

Yeah I’m just that sad.

So anyway my point and I do have one is that I discovered the babysitters club snark and ha! I nearly wet myself laughing. Its brilliant snark!

How did I not see how bad Claudia’s outfits were? That Janine was fucking Charlie when he drove Kristy over for the meetings? The cult like qualities of the BSC? Oh the sweet innocence of youth!